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More Male Nudity On Game Of Thrones, Please

khalYes, yes, breasts are all very well and good. But why is almost every naked body on Game of Thrones female, one actress wants to know.

Sibel Kekilli, who plays Shae, told reporters that she’s a little bummed out that there aren’t more naked men. We’d have to agree. What’s the deal?

Well, obviously, it’s because the show knows its audience. A fantasy show about swords and magic is probably going to have a pretty heterosexual male viewership.

But that’s no excuse for excluding penises! There are women and gay men in the audience as well. And for heaven’s sake, straight men can survive a glimpse of dick, so come on, HBO. Men are just as fun to objectify as women.

Kekilli wants to see some nude scenes with Varys (mehhhhhhhhh, that might not be the sexiest) and Jamie (okay) and Tyrion (we wouldn’t say no). That sounds fine, but Podrick’s on the top of our list. Oooooh, Podrick. And how about Sandor Clegaine? What a brute. We want to see him paraded through the streets of Sunspear, bound in chains and led by Quentyn Martell, glistening with sweat and fear. That is of course not a thing that will ever happen in a million years, but that can’t stop us from using our imagination.

It’s been many months since season three ended, and now we are kind of struggling to remember where everyone left off. Are there opportunities for sexy time? Recalling everyone’s place is a bit complicated, especially since (like Winnie the Pooh) it doesn’t quite line up with the books. They just uploaded a recap but it is half an hour long, good grief.

So let’s see. Spoilers ahead if you haven’t watched season three yet! No spoilers if you’re all caught up on the show.

Jon Snow just parted ways with Ygritte, and they might have a little sexy reunion at some point.

Jamie is back at King’s Landing, humbled and hardened, so he’s probably not going to be in the mood for any funny business.

Tyrion is married to Sansa. A nude scene between those two characters would not be totally awesome.

Grey Worm is eunich, which is a shame because va va va voom, that actor.

Tywin’s still thundering around King’s Landing. We’d totally peek through his keyhole.

Poor Reek is suffering under Ramsay’s thumb rather a lot lately. Maybe he’ll turn the tables and we’ll get to see Ramsay humiliated? Bloodplay is one of our hard limits, though.

And then there’s Gendry. His part in the adventure seems to have kind of wound down, with him just slipping off in a boat. There are relatively few reasons that we can think of for him to take his clothes off at this point, but who knows. As long as helms need forging, he’ll need to get all greasy and shirtless, because that is totally how smiths really work.

Oh and how about Loras? He doesn’t have anything to do at the moment but brood over his wedding to Cersei. Maybe a trip to a brothel would calm his nerves?

So there you have it. Lots of excuses to get men naked. Get to work, showrunners!

By:           matt baume
On:           Mar 18, 2014
Tagged:

  • 5 Comments
    • LarsNtherealboy
      LarsNtherealboy

      Saying a nude scene with Sansa and Tyrion would not be “totally awesome” is like calling Katrina a small flood. A nude scene between those two would be more than deplorable.

      Mar 18, 2014 at 1:46 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • stranded
      stranded

      the lack of male nudity is one of the ways it’s deviated from the books. There’s a lot description on swollen throbbing heads dripping wet in the book series.

      Mar 18, 2014 at 3:43 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • boring
      boring

      BRING ON NAKED BRIENNE.

      It’s just like male nudity, only it isn’t!

      Mar 18, 2014 at 6:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • IcarusD
      IcarusD

      Our best shot at seeing Jon Snow was last season. The actor, Kit Harrington, said that his contract even stipulated that they might require full frontal nudity. But true to form, they lingered after Ygrette disrobing while just flashing on Jon’s butt from afar. And Harrington even said that was a body double because he had injured his foot and couldn’t jump into the pool like the scene required. (Scene could have very easily been changed.)

      Loras Tyrrell would be my first choice for lingering, full frontal nudity. And it would likely be a scene with another man, too. But I wouldn’t say no to Gendry or Podrick. And to be honest, I wouldn’t mind seeing Joffrey naked, though it probably won’t happen — the actor is over 18, even if the character is not.

      Mar 19, 2014 at 4:49 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kangol
      Kangol

      I don’t any of the GoT characters, but any full frontal nudity by Jason Momoa would be a gift. Please, please, please!

      Mar 20, 2014 at 11:08 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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