Most Baptists Have Premarital Sex

The must have met at Church. Despite being told from a young age that their virginity is a special jewel that should be given only in the marital bed, over 60% of male and female Baptists surveyed did the nasty before their big day, according to a new study. There is no data on gay sex, but over 70% had oral sex, and a mouth is a mouth (is a mouth).

Let us remind you that this data is from a survey of young Christians who have received abstinence-only education. Some have even signed purity pledges, but to no avail. In this critical time, if a teen cannot remain 100% pure, we recommend trying to remain a “technical virgin,” which is pretty darn close.

Now there are two big questions that remain: What percentage of these sexually-active young Christians have had unwanted pregnancies or abortions due to improper or non-existent sex education? And perhaps more importantly, will this new data lead to a decline in the sale of white wedding dresses? We suggest pink as a tasteful alternative color.

Apparently True Love Doesn’t Always Wait [Agape Press via Ex-Gay Watch]