It’s been a while since we heard from noted gay heterosexual hustler Nick Gruber and his fancy publicist—the one who dare we say succeeded in cleaning up this former bad boy’s image. We know how much you love to hear about Nick Gruber (and Tom Daley! Tom Daley!), so let’s check in on him, shall we?
Nick’s impressive new image comes with an equally impressive resume, which is available for viewing on LinkedIn, a website you’ve only ever visited to figure out how to opt-out of promotional emails.
Nick’s LinkedIn profile is only viewable to premium account holders, so we’ve conveniently taken some screenshots for you.
The last time we checked in on Nick, he told Gay Star News that he was “getting in shape” and starting an “extreme sports training company.” It looks like he’s stayed true to both resolutions, because that new (?) headshot is hot as hell (don’t lie, you wouldn’t kick him out of bed) and he is presently working as an “extreme sports enthusiast.” He’s been employed for eight whole months at Gruber Inc.!
Nick also appears to be working double shifts, as he’s additionally employed as the self-appointed “Manager Director” at The Future Is Now Opportunity Fund. He must be in the early stages of top-secret development, because just like Gruber Inc., his Opportunity Fund does not have a website.
But we applaud his new businessman status. According to his profile, he’s currently looking “to acquire young investors,” a much different approach than the one he’s taken previously. Get on that new money, Nick!
And in case you’re not already intimidated by this impressive list—watch out! This boy is skilled in Microsoft Office, Microsoft Excel (emphasis on Excel, as it’s already a part of Office), Team Building, Troubleshooting, Social Media and Leadership Development. He also has expertise in Negotiation, which we’re sure he picked up in a classroom during his one year at NYU, or something like that.
Anyway, your resume looks great, Nick! If we could change only one thing, we’d add Certified Sex Symbol as one of your current positions, because regardless of what everyone down below has to say, you’re still insanely hot.
Take it away, commenters!