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Nick Gruber Update: The Boy Toy Turned Businessman Has A Fancy New Resume!

It’s been a while since we heard from noted gay heterosexual hustler Nick Gruber and his fancy publicist—the one who dare we say succeeded in cleaning up this former bad boy’s image. We know how much you love to hear about Nick Gruber (and Tom Daley! Tom Daley!), so let’s check in on him, shall we?

Nick’s impressive new image comes with an equally impressive resume, which is available for viewing on LinkedIn, a website you’ve only ever visited to figure out how to opt-out of promotional emails.

Screen Shot 2014-01-18 at 5.48.04 PM

Nick’s LinkedIn profile is only viewable to premium account holders, so we’ve conveniently taken some screenshots for you.

nick_gruber_1The last time we checked in on Nick, he told Gay Star News that he was “getting in shape” and starting an “extreme sports training company.” It looks like he’s stayed true to both resolutions, because that new (?) headshot is hot as hell (don’t lie, you wouldn’t kick him out of bed) and he is presently working as an “extreme sports enthusiast.” He’s been employed for eight whole months at Gruber Inc.!

Nick also appears to be working double shifts, as he’s additionally employed as the self-appointed “Manager Director” at The Future Is Now Opportunity Fund. He must be in the early stages of top-secret development, because just like Gruber Inc., his Opportunity Fund does not have a website.

But we applaud his new businessman status. According to his profile, he’s currently looking “to acquire young investors,” a much different approach than the one he’s taken previously. Get on that new money, Nick!

Nick lists his previous jobs as “Fashion Male Model” and “personal assistant,” though he strangely forgets to include “amateur heavyweight boxer” and “heterosexual gay partygoer.”

And in case you’re not already intimidated by this impressive list—watch out! This boy is skilled in Microsoft Office, Microsoft Excel (emphasis on Excel, as it’s already a part of Office), Team Building, Troubleshooting, Social Media and Leadership Development. He also has expertise in Negotiation, which we’re sure he picked up in a classroom during his one year at NYU, or something like that.

Anyway, your resume looks great, Nick! If we could change only one thing, we’d add Certified Sex Symbol as one of your current positions, because regardless of what everyone down below has to say, you’re still insanely hot.

Take it away, commenters!

By:           Matthew Tharrett
On:           Jan 19, 2014
Tagged: , ,
  • 29 Comments
    • AuntieChrist
      AuntieChrist

      Thanks but no thanks if I want to invest some money I’d find a nice Jewish boy…Oh wait I am Jewish so I don’t need no photo-shopped goy.

      Jan 19, 2014 at 8:40 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      So he has no education and has spent the last several years doing porn, getting arrested for coke fueled rages, and being so-so at gold-digging as the great grandchild “With Benefits” to Calvin Klein.

      Oh, and don’t forget, he spent 15 min, posing for the HIV-Equal campaign when he was trying to clean up his image after all those homophobic statements.

      Yeah, I’d sure trust him with money. (Snicker)

      Jan 19, 2014 at 8:51 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Will G
      Will G

      Yes I’d love to invest my money with someone who can’t even be bothered to proofread his resume, or get someone else to do it for him, since he appears to be illiterate.

      Jan 19, 2014 at 9:04 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • avesraggiana
      avesraggiana

      He’s not insanely hot, he’s an unrelentingly unattractive person through and through.

      Jan 19, 2014 at 10:15 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • oilburner
      oilburner

      This is embarrassingly funny

      Jan 19, 2014 at 10:59 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • robirob
      robirob

      Well, I can only imagine the extreme sports things he had to do with Calvin Klein. Good for him to make a career out of it.

      Jan 19, 2014 at 11:06 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • balehead
      balehead

      Jealous Liars…You’d would all do him if he even glanced your way….

      Jan 19, 2014 at 11:07 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • AuntieChrist
      AuntieChrist

      @balehead: I like men and I am happily married to a sweet guy with a B.A. in art and art restoration for almost 25 years now so suck on THAT bitch.

      Jan 19, 2014 at 11:29 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Grrrowler
      Grrrowler

      Um, yes I would kick him out bed, just before calling 911 to report that there was a creepy man in my bedroom.

      Jan 19, 2014 at 11:57 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Caleb in SC
      Caleb in SC

      Lol! Finally, Queerty owns its Gruber/Daley obsession. Admitting you have a problem is the first step toward recovery.

      Jan 19, 2014 at 12:49 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kangol
      Kangol

      @balehead:

      I wouldn’t go near this thing with a few scrounged-up quarters, let alone a ten foot pole!

      What is the hold Gruber and Daley have over Queerty, though? Is there a pill for that?

      Jan 19, 2014 at 12:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • mrsbuela
      mrsbuela

      Feel so bad for the queerty writer who got rejected by this Gruber moron.

      Rejection hurts….

      obsessing over the man who rejected you hurts even worse.

      Jan 19, 2014 at 1:08 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      @balehead:

      It’s weird the folks that think this guy is so hot. If your only concern is looks 99% of the bartenders in gay bars in most cities would be hotter than this guy, and unlike him they are employed.

      Jan 19, 2014 at 2:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kamuriie
      Kamuriie

      This guy must have paid Queerty to write about him so many times for so little reason. Guy is a douche!

      Jan 19, 2014 at 2:46 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache1
      Stache1

      I have to say I”m completely confused by this “Extreme Sports enthusiast guide”. He says they must have previous experience. If they do then why the fuck do they need him. He also doesn’t list his experience which is weird. This is just polished Bullshit.

      Jan 19, 2014 at 3:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Black Pegasus
      Black Pegasus

      Proof that even cum sucking whores can have a second act.

      Jan 19, 2014 at 3:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • QJ201
      QJ201

      Linked In.
      Still not “happening.”

      I only use it to communicate with colleagues I don’t want as Facebook friends.

      Jan 19, 2014 at 4:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • IcyManipulator
      IcyManipulator

      I sure hope his money management skills are stronger than his grasp on English.

      Jan 19, 2014 at 7:16 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Fitz
      Fitz

      Wow, the editor really has a boner for him.

      Jan 19, 2014 at 11:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ZaneStuart
      ZaneStuart

      “My goal is to be a guide for the Individuals athletes participating in there extreme sports activities”.

      He’s too stupid to proofread, too stupid to know the difference between “there” and “their” and he’s looking for investors.
      Good luck.

      Jan 20, 2014 at 12:25 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DarkZephyr
      DarkZephyr

      @AuntieChrist: Well in a way, he is a Jew by injection.

      Jan 20, 2014 at 1:14 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • eddypham
      eddypham

      I wouldn’t invest my hard earned money with Nick but I would like to have a conversation with him. I wouldn’t give him a hard time, he is just trying to make a living like all of us.

      Jan 20, 2014 at 1:42 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Icebloo
      Icebloo

      Who ?

      Jan 20, 2014 at 3:27 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • suzannemurphy
      suzannemurphy

      as Gladys answered I’m alarmed that anybody able to profit $9585 in a few weeks on the computer. you could look here>>> http://gg.gg/zsdv

      Jan 20, 2014 at 8:58 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • scottnyer
      scottnyer

      Managing Director!!! Ummm…. ok.

      Jan 20, 2014 at 2:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Sansacro
      Sansacro

      For those “interested in securing their future’s now.” “Future’s now”!? Oh, the perils of a misplaced possessive apostrophe. What faith he must inspire in all those hopeful, deep-pocketed johns–oops, I mean investors–out there.

      Jan 20, 2014 at 3:46 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DCFarmboi
      DCFarmboi

      “Mr. Gruber is Principle and Managing Director”

      Nickie, what you meant was “Principal” not “Principle.” Not that you know anything about principles either.

      Jan 20, 2014 at 4:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jonindallas
      jonindallas

      @suzannemurphy: If you took some advise from Nick, you could do a whole lot better than that.

      Jan 20, 2014 at 6:07 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DarkZephyr
      DarkZephyr

      @balehead: You live in la la land. There is a great diversity of tastes in the LGBT community and there are those who just don’t find him attractive. Add to that his attitude and his homophobic antics and even more people are turned off by him. You have odd priorities if you are willing to overlook his antics just because you find him hot.

      Jan 27, 2014 at 9:36 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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