Nobody Is Gonna Want to Play Basketball With That Homo Stephon Marbury, Right?

There’s no way to tell how many humiliation victims YouTube has claimed, but we’re going to round down and say it’s at least a seven-figure. Most of the time it’s dumb young people uploading videos of themselves doing dumb young people crap, and since everything on the Internet lasts forever, so too will their mishaps. But when celebrities put themselves on YouTube, it’s a whole different story. Like when Stephon Marbury posted clips of him crying for the camera, a pseudo-documentary of his downfall since being rejected by the Boston Celtics. But it didn’t end there, because another NBA player had to go and call him a homo for tearing up.

Sort of. What Washington Wizards center Brendan Haywood actually said was Marbury is “swinging from both sides of the fence.” So he’s not gay. He’s bi! Which still means Marbury can be assaulted with some homophobia, y’all. IT’s not just YouTube, but also sites like UStream that Marbury has taken to in chronicling his fall from sanity.

After watching the clips, Haywood told an interviewer: “At first it was cool, but after a while it just became disturbing. He’s on YouTube crying with no shirt on for no reason, sweating while his boy’s rubbing his shoulders. What’s that about? That’s like gay porn. I don’t understand it. He’s dancing to a song called ‘Barbie Doll’, doing like stripper moves. I have no idea what’s going on with the guy, it’s almost like he’s trying to end his own career. There’s not a GM out there that would touch Marbury right now… Have you seen the ‘Barbie Doll’ clip? Click on YouTube and go to Barbie Doll. There’s no way any other professional athletes would wanna get dressed around this guy, because you gotta think something is a little, he’s swinging from both sides of the fence.”

Mean! But also: True! The NBA, with all its machismo, probably won’t want Marbury right now. Managers are afraid of the negative (read: gay) buzz he’s attracting, and his teammates will make fun of him in the lockerroom. And this would probably make Marbury cry, cry some more.

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As sports types are wont to do, Haywood has apologized for his remarks: “I’ve received some comments and so have the Wizards about it. I just wanted to take a time out and let you know that no disrespect was intended. I was just trying to have fun with a crazy situation. I don’t support or condemn homosexuality and I believe in everyone making choices for themselves. If it doesn’t affect me, I don’t really care. I hope no one was offended because I wasn’t trying to come off like Tim Hardaway.” Yes, that Tim Hardaway.

Thanks for not hating us with a fervor, Mr. Haywood!