Forget flowers. Forget candlelight. The “dick pic” is the new method of luring potential lovers into the bedroom. But as anyone who’s ever received a bad dick pic will tell you, there is an art to photographing one’s dong.
Host Nancy Redd over at HuffPost Live tackled this growing trend in hooking up when she spoke with several experts on the subject of dick pics.
“Men, we want those explicit, nasty pictures of your body,” Steve Santagati, a relationship expert and author of Code of Honor and The MANual, said. “It’s very hard to take a dick pic that actually looks good.”
“The bulk of them are pretty awful,” Madeleine Holden, who runs the Tumblr page Critique My Dick Pic, agreed. “Although I think that that’s probably because dude’s tend to just not put much effort in.”
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
But perhaps the greatest voice of authority on the panel was Ezra Sembler, a self-proclaimed “serial dater” from St. Petersburg, FL who has been on the both the sending and receiving ends of countless dick pics.
“I use the Grindr application a lot, and usually people ask for [my dick pic] within the first five minutes of talking,” Sembler said. “In my personal experience, I’d say about 10% of the dick pics I’ve received I continue responding to.”
Then he added: “When I get a dick pic, I think of the guy behind the penis more than the penis itself.”
Does a dick pick cancel out the possibility of a relationship?
“This is not going to lead to a relationship in my eyes,” Sembler explained. “When I get a dick pic it’s mostly for, like, a hookup or, like, a quick online relationship. Nothing serious is going to start from sending a dick picture.”
He continued: “I think more harm can be done with a dick pic. You can get turned off way more easily than getting turned on. I’ve gotten a dick pic once where the head of the penis was, like, diagonal and I never talked to that person again. And he’s was a cute guy, but I just had this image and whenever I would talked to him I immediately went to that.”
So there you have it, folks. Be mindful when sending out dick pics. A bad one can drive away a potential lover and kill your chances of ever hooking up with them in the future.
Here are five tips to snapping the perfect dick pic..
Grooming
While some men salivate over a big, hairy bush, the majority of people do not want to see a giant tangle of curly, unkempt pubic hair with your penis poking out from it. So trim those pubes, fellas. And, for the love of God, if you have pimples or ingrown hairs down there, pop into your local Walgreens and invest in some $5 cover up.
Setting
A toilet in the background is a good way to turn off a viewer as it reminds them of a very unsexy part about yourself. A messy bedroom or cluttered home office can also be off-putting. You don’t want the recipient to think you’re a slob, so tidy up before taking that photo.
Lighting
As any Hollywood actress over 40 will tell you, lighting is key. This rule couldn’t be more true when it comes to snapping a good dick pic. Avoid using a flash. Fluorescent lights, too, are a no-no as they can accentuate every little bump, freckle, and imperfection. On the flip side, you don’t want the picture to be too dark. A little mystery is okay, but a silhouette or a pecker bathed in shadow can appear too “artsy” and may annoy your potential paramour.
Context
A super close-up of your junk is just not sexy. The more of your body you can include in the photo, the more success you’ll have at wooing someone into your bedroom. If you want to include your face, even better. But, honestly, nobody expects you to. Sometimes a guy will place an inanimate object (i.e. a soda can, a remote control, etc.) next to his penis to highlight just how large and/or thick it is. This usually isn’t necessary and can have unintended consequences as not everyone is turned on by a schlong shaped like a Coke can.
Pump it up
Of course, the purpose of a dick pic to to show your lover what they’re getting, kind of like sampling a song on iTunes. That being said, nobody wants to see your limp wiener. They want to see what you have to offer. A full erection can come across as crass, so your best bet is to send a snapshot of your semi-hard chubby. It’s sexy, it’s tempting, and it implies that there’s even more where that came from.
Related stories:
Disney Star Dylan Sprouse Plus Six Other Male Celebs With Nudie Pics
Man Sends Nude Pic With Job Application, Employer Files Police Report
1898
“A full erection can come across as crass” — Really? I find it hard to believe that such a photo would be any more crass than sending someone a picture of your genitalia in the first place. I’m pretty sure the Crass Train has already left the station. You might as well go for the gold and make it a full-on boner. Seeing a limp or semi-hard wang always makes me wonder if the person has erectile dysfunction.
Ihadtosayit
I have decided to NEVER give someone an image of myself…the world is changing so fast and opportunities can be lost due to nude pictures of yourself posted elsewhere. If my smile is not enough for you then I am sorry move along….lastly too many men just look at these pictures with no intentions to meet so therefore I pass…do I sound prudish probably and I can live with that…
Nowuvedoneit
@Ihadtosayit: I totally get where you are coming from. I started my young gay social life meeting guys on gay.com but that was at a time when getting an image online was very hard and phones didn’t have cameras. But now everyone sends a dick pic wuthout bring asked for one. I’m of the mindset that online images are there forever and one I’m too old to be sending dick pics and second I dont need to have someone view my junk right away.
Black Pegasus
@Ihadtosayit: You are correct sir! I tend to find these clowns on the dating apps. If you only have a face pic, they want to also see a body pic. If you have just a body pic, they insist on seeing a face pic lol.
I call them “pic window shoppers.” They have no intention of meeting up, they just want to be saturated with more and more images to compare and contrast against.
Ihadtosayit
@Black Pegasus: Agreed…there is no intention to meet up and I am NOT here to give you FREE PORN…this is NOT Xtube…so I have never done it and never will….
Ihadtosayit
@Nowuvedoneit: Yes, I have told individuals in the past the following: men are visual creatures if you give them TOO much then they are not going to meet up and then you have that sensation that you shared yourself with someone and it is floating out there…
Also ALL phones and computers have the ability to “cam”…therefore you can see my face in real-time…come on it is 2014 not 2004 time to ditch the dick pics…
Lastly, if a picture of my dick was all that important it would be where my face is and NOT tucked away in my pants (underwear) at all times…who are these people who decide to meet someone based on a dick picture…I can see them now contemplating how to proceed from the selection that they have received…what a way to completely DEVALUE a person…
Billy Budd
This is such a load of bull. I will send as many face and even body pics as necessary, but I will never send a butt or dick picture.
DerekR
Dixly you might want to invest in a macro lens for any photographs, I have a feeling you need one.
masc4masc
Grooming is probably the most important. I don’t really care for totally shaven on men, but I don’t like a Weird Al Yankovic bush either. It’s just polite to tidy up a bit before you have company.
Stache99
@Ihadtosayit: “who are these people who decide to meet someone based on a dick picture”
What’s wrong with wanting to see the guys junk? Lets face it. You want me to spend all night worshiping it. Well I want to see it then:)
Iwillanswer
He probably uploaded the wrong picture as is mortified!
Well- it’s possible. I myself have made computer errors that would curl your toes!
Iwillanswer
‘And is’ damn autocorrect
Stache99
There’s some great advice here. God how many times do you see a guy next to a toilet or messy room. I’m glad I’m not the only one turned off by that. I disagree about putting something next to it though. I love it when they do that. The iTunes analogy was good. Get a taste of whats to cum.
Apparently I failed at the lighting part (used a flash) and the close up part. Although, I think I have a nice dick so it works for me.
On my profile I have a picture of both hard and limp. I don’t think it’s crass. It’s a body part that you’re going to be seeing lots of so I think it’s entirely appropriate.
Maude
Remember Polaroid cameras?
One could take a selfie of ones dick, but it was more fun to let someone let you take a pic of his dick….let the fun and games begin.
Ihadtosayit
@Stache99: well you can showcase your dick as much as you like…that is just silly and childish…the level of self-promotion and self-degradation to get sex has become comical…go to a bathhouse and see all the dicks and asses that you want…approach the guy or guys and GET IT ON…online is a joke and most of the times it is like trying to locate the Loch Ness Monster…it is a myth…also most GAY MEN online use it as a distraction and have NO intentions of meeting…save your self-respect and dignity!!!
Stache99
@Ihadtosayit: I’ve found the most insecure ones are the tops with big egos and small penises. They feel they need to compensate by putting everyone down with snarky comments about how disgusting it is to post dick pics. Even bringing up the word dick sets them off.
Ihadtosayit
@Stache99: putting objects next to your dick is just STUPID and reeks of insecurity…unless you are running a gloryhole then maybe you should only put your dick out there for a hook-up…
TheNewEnergyDude
@1898: LOLOLOLOL. Very true
Maude
Yes, and a lot of the guys with all the muscles, are compensating for their small dicks.
A straight man I know, is nick-named, “INCH” by his ex-wife, I met him at the gym that I used to go to because of doctors orders to lose weight….and I can tell you his looks like a pencil stub. He is uncut, and jokes that if he was cut, he wouldn’t have anything left.
Poor guy, he claims he doesn’t care, but he does.
robirob
It’s always nice to put some effort into your actions and present yourself the best way possible (without resorting to shady trickery).
OzJosh
I really just don’t get it. In the days before camera-phones and the internet nobody EVER asked to see anybody’s junk before hooking up with them. Even in the most basic and shallow encounter, it was a guy’s looks, smile, personality and general presentation that mattered. And I’m willing to bet it was a better guide to sexual compatibility in 98% of cases. In fact, anticipating the surprise package to be revealed later was a good part of the excitement and the fun. Besides which, if you’re turned on by a guy the size, proportions and looks of his junk are secondary, if not even less important than that. And, who knows, you might accidentally stumble on something that you never before thought would turn you on. I know cut guys who were intimidated by uncut dicks, or somehow thought their preference was for one more like their own, until they got their hands on an uncut one. Open your minds, guys.
Reid Condit
“Junk”? That sounds so Jimmy Kimmel and maybe betrays some false modesty as well. Moreover, it’s kind of genitalia negative as in “sex negative.” We used to say “jewels.” Maybe that’s pretentious and coy. I think I like “rocks” as in “rock candy” — both sweet and tasty.
winemaker
Come on guys. Dick – Ass picks can literally come back and bite you in the ass, especially if the photos include your face. Once these picks hit the Internet, and only God knows where they’ll end up they can be re-posted by strangers and other malevolent individuals. These pics can end in the hands of folks like employers and others with whom you’d never show them. Besides, if you are on a dating site and looking for something more meaningful than a ‘hook up’, the nude pictures can come later, after you’ve met and want to take things to the next level.
Ihadtosayit
@winemaker: people are NOT thinking…also as I said I am NOT giving people FREE PORN…that is what Xtube is for…but this generation and those who abide by the rules of it in order to get a piece of ass will suffer for it…
vive
Who gets “usually” asked for a dick pic within 5 minutes? Only someone who brings it up first by boasting about it, I’m sure. In my experience with Grindr, dick pics only feature in a minority of conversations.
vive
But if it comes top it, don’t show me a half-assed half-mast picture. It looks like you have ED.
Danny
Queerty doesn’t have the right to tel us what most people should think is sexy or what I think is sexy. I think you this is stupid.
buffnightwing
Are there any young guys on this chat? You all sound REALLY, REALLY, OLD.
Reid Condit
Yeah, I’m really, really old. You will be, too, some day, if you’re lucky or maybe unlucky. So what!
Stache99
@buffnightwing: Maybe not allot because I haven’t seen a bitch fight with a bunch of juvenile name calling get started yet.
friscoguy
@Ihadtosayit: At least you admit to being a prude. Some of us are not, I love the attention I get from my nude and clothed selfies, I find it liberating once one opens up sexually and is willing to share.
Ihadtosayit
@friscoguy: I will go balls out behind closed doors..not on the internet…
Stache99
@Ihadtosayit: Meeting up at the bar or club sure yes. Off the internet you’re gonna show me the goods or get nothing. Simple as that. If you won’t show me then I assume it’s because there’s something wrong in that department and it’s not worth going any further. That’s been my experience.
Ihadtosayit
@Stache99: it is a shame that SO many people have been lied to online…it ruins it for the rest of us…but I still love the bath houses…I met an incredibly handsome man there…we chatted for hours, no sex and it was just as satisfying…
Stache99
@Ihadtosayit: Yeah, I don’t know if you know this but I was there that night. I ran into that same guy a few hours later. He said he was so grateful for me coming along after some dude he met that just wouldn’t shut up and take off his towel. He thought he’d done too much meth or something 😉
Random
@OzJosh: I agree with so much of what you’ve said.
It’s also the same with things like sexual positions. I can’t remember anyone asking me if I was a top or a bottom, or what I was ‘into’, but for many, these are now standard questions. Sometimes, even the FIRST questions.
And yet, the best sexual encounters very rarely, if ever, have anything to do with ‘on paper’ compatibility, and everything to do with chemistry and making the effort to connect with a new person.
vive
@Random, I agree. Nobody used to ask what you were into when you met people in real life. I still don’t online, and it REALLY bugs me when people ask me that. It’s part of the fun to discover/negotiate that in person.
And yes, you are so right – the best encounters are often not the guys with the most eye catching picture. Pictures don’t show how a guy moves or talks or smells or kisses. They tell you nothing about the chemistry or absence of it, things that you can often tell at a glance in real life. Real life venues are still the best way of meeting for the discerning.
BadSeed
You’re so right about the need for real life venues. That’s why we need bathhouses open again in San Francisco. Such places allow for a wide variety of social interactions not all of which have to be sexual as in sex clubs. The political situation right now in San Francisco’s 17th Assembly District where a gay and straight Democrat are running against one another presents a unique opportunity to pressure for bathhouse re-openings, which the LBGT political establishment has never been willing to fight for. Be prepared to hear more about this in the 90 days or so before the November election. In fact, it’s a time for SF’s gay men to get active on this issue which has festered now for 30 years. You should know who to call. Think about it. Which gay supervisor in this race needs your vote? And what can he do for you that he so far hasn’t?
vive
@BadSeed, does San Francisco really not have bathhouses? How is that even possible?
Actually Boston also lost its one and only bathhouse years ago, kind of just before it lost its gay neighborhood, its gay coffee shops, its gay bars and clubs, etc. After all this progress, Boston’s gay scene is basically, once again, driven underground. As a result of all this, Boston, which makes a big thing about ostensibly being the most liberal city in the country, has become the most boring largish city in the country for gay residents and travelers.
BadSeed
Yeah, it’s hard to believe, but San Francisco, which used to have maybe a dozen gay bathhouses ranging from sleazy to grand prior to the emergence of HIV/AIDS in the early ’80’s, has not had a gay bathhouse since 1987 when the 21st Baths, now condos, closed under pressure from the City Attorney for infractions of safe-sex behaviors. In 1983, then Mayor, now Senator, Dianne Feinstein, began pressuring the City’s Director of Public Health, to close the bathhouses. He resisted at first, but caved in 1984 and succeeded in getting a court order which closed almost all bathhouses, but it only held up for a couple of days. However, in December the same court order in its final form required all bathhouses previously cited to remove doors from private cubicles and to provide monitors to police patron behavior. (Recall Big Brother in George Orwell’s cautionary novel “1984” — it actually became reality in San Francisco that year!) By then the campaign, abetted by gay journalist Randy Shilts, to scapegoat the bathhouses for AIDS had succeeded and almost all bathhouses had closed for lack of business. One bathhouse, the Club at 8th & Howard, fought back, but threw in the towels, so to speak, a few months later in spring of 1985, but it, too, had ceased to operate. The 21st St. Baths continued to operate under the new anti-privacy rules until ’87. Around 1999, under the City’s Director of Public Health, a politically astute lesbian M.D., the City’s AIDS Office Head, Mitch Katz, a gay Harvard Ph.D. in Public Health, reformulated the rules of the court order (by then expired) to apply to the underground sex clubs that had sprung up. Although these clubs refused to sign on, they complied de fact to avoid closure. Currently, only two sex clubs now operate (not 24/7 as the bathhouses did) and there are a couple of gay porn/performance venues where unsanctioned sex sometimes happens among patrons. The City’s last three Directors of Public Health have been gay or lesbian medical bureaucrats who suck up to the City’s Democratic Party establishment as have gay or lesbian politicians who want to get ahead. Katz, for example, is Director of Public Health in LA County now and his former lesbian boss heads a prestigious non-profit. This how the game is played in San Francisco. . . As for Boston, do you mean to say the clubs I used to enjoy in the ’90’s while attending OutWrite Conferences there are now closed? Tell us more.
vive
@BadSeed, but google tells me San Fransisco has a number of sex clubs. Don’t they come down to the same thing, more or less? I am not sure I am clear on the difference.
The most ridiculous in my experience are the New York sex clubs where they have monitors yelling at people who dare to leave their cubicle doors open. (Apart from the place looking like crap compared to, say, Steamworks in Toronto. And this was New York!) Unbelievable!
BadSeed
The difference is that NYC recognizes a right to privacy, but San Francisco operates with respect to bathhouses as if Bowers v. Hardwick (1986) were still the law, not Lawrence v. Texas (2003). I wrote about this in a letter to our LGBT paper of record, the Bay Area Reporter, maybe 20 years ago. The late Eric Rofes reproduced my letter in one of his two books on AIDS policy as an example of how inconsistent AIDS policy was/is, in this case, between two city health depts. The NYC monitors probably yell because under NYC rules, they don’t want to be able to witness unsafe sex, if in fact that’s what’s happening in closed cubicles. As I said, in 1984 in San Francisco, Big Brother became a reality. The SF City Attorney now takes the position, or implies such by his current policy, that private, lockable cubicles were never legal under the bathhouse rules, although such cubicles were available for decades in SF bathhouses prior to December 1984 and continue to be in Berkeley (11 miles distant) and San Jose (50 miles distant). It is an absurd situation. Even the SF Health Dept. acknowledges that it has no empirical evidence to indicate that the privacy ban impacts HIV prevalence. The two remaining LGBT Demo political clubs as well as the one Republican just go along with this bullshit. The difference is privacy versus its opposite. Get it? I will have a look at what Google says.
Aero
A friend of mine suggested recently that I give these kind of meet-up methods a try, so I did. Never really had interest since they came out. I had it for a minute and a day. I’m not that old (likely yes in queer eyes)and realized, I just couldn’t connect to the disconnected ways guys connect on these sites just asking for pics, pics, pics, pics, pics.
Like some said here, a guy can have a hot looking image, but it depicts nothing of his demeanor, attitude and energy. Along with looks,they play a role for me too.
I’ll leave these sites to the Ezra Semblers of the world. They’ll likely be sending and receiving dick pics from their convalescent location someday.
JennyFromdabloc
Wow…would love to see more selfies from that guy!
Cy
LOL, love the phrase “dick pic expert”… never seen it on a resume, but hope to someday. That said, when the dick pic becomes the most important pic you have or want, then you know you’ve reached the bottom of the cesspool. But you won’t be alone, there’s lots of bottom feeders out there with whom to share that space and those photos. Usually these types of guys are just collecting dick pictures for their porn and have no intension of hooking up. And just remember that there’s so many dick pics out there now, it’s highly unlikely that the pic you’re being sent even belongs to the guy you’re talking to, unless of course he’s dumb enough to put his face in the photo with it.
bambamboom777
@OzJosh: I agree totally. Attraction can’t be determined by pics. Of course, one can find a pic attractive, but that doesn’t mean you’ll find them attractive in person. I can’t just commit to having sex with someone based on a picture and some number stats. I’ve dated a couple of guys I met online that turned into semi-long term relationships after chatting online for days or weeks, but we never exchanged dick pics or anything other than whatever pics were on the profile which was pretty g-rated. And we never discussed top or bottom, size, etc. One guy had a really small penis, but the sex was actually really hot because of the chemistry.
People who just shop around for stats are really passing over lots of opportunities, not to mention it seems extremely shallow. Meeting guys in bars I never once remember anyone filling out a survey on their sexual and physical details. If that was the case, I doubt anyone would ever have hooked up. Things were more organic and just kind of like you were just drawn together and that stuff didn’t matter so much.
Now it’s like some people think the average person is some super model with 10 inches and can perform like a porn star meeting every possible fantasy. That just seems like way too much pressure and more like a job interview or audition. I can just imagine some demanding queen complaining the whole that their expectations weren’t being met and suing in small claims court for false advertising. It’s more fun to just watch people on web cams than meet up with someone who could be a real asshole or even worse a serial killer.
Seanti
For the love of God, please stop overemphasizing grooming and trimming. That should be last on the list, and optional. It’s starting to like like straight porn out there – enough with the landing strips and hairless crotches. I, for one, happen to like men who look like men and not prepubescents.
IamAJD
Guys, I’ll be happy to judge and provide feedback on your dick pic if you send it to me at 321-960-2270. 😉
stripestoo
Or you could just read this article with all of it’s typos and be turned off entirely by that.
BadSeed
Turn in your stripes! “It’s” is a contraction of “it is.” The possessive adjective form you intend is “its” similar to his, her, hers, their, or theirs.
Did you just commit a typo?
Mark Anthony Arnaldo
nice body.
Justin Michael Smith
They say not to post a full erection? Lame
Gus Anderson
Clean the stinking mirror. That’s just nasty.
Kirk Montrealer
I say…………GET A LIFE.
Mykey
There should be an article for posting ass pics