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NYC Gay Couple Does The Unthinkable

C_F porch 1 (1)

My partner and I recently did something we never dreamed we would do. No, we didn’t get married, despite living in New York City for the past 18 years where it’s perfectly legal to do so. This past July, Craig and I up and made the move back to our home state of Michigan.

Now what would possess two fairly sophisticated, early middle-aged gay men to do such a silly thing? Especially when the city of Detroit has gone bankrupt. Believe me, it’s something I never in a million years thought I would do. But here’s the thing… It’s a gay man’s prerogative to change his mind.

When Craig and I packed up our Budget rental truck at the ripe old age of 25 and we set out for the Big Apple, we both had stars in our eyes. Armed with our brand new BFAs, we were determined to take the Great White Way by storm and become the Next Big Things — be it on Broadway, film, or the small screen drama that was All My Children.

Where else but in New York City could a gay man find a gay bar on every corner in Chelsea? Where else but in New York City could an aspiring actor buy a ticket to a Broadway show at TKTS for just $35? Where else but in New York City (okay, Brooklyn) could a not-quite-out gay couple rent a nine hundred square foot apartment for just $775 per month?

Fast forward 18 years later… No more Splash, no more Rawhide, no more Twirl. The last Broadway show we saw for “half-price” cost us 80 bucks each. A one-bedroom in Park Slope goes for at least two grand, if not three. And don’t even get me started on all the people who’ve invaded Manhattan in the past decade, making it virtually impossible to get a seat at Starbucks on a Tuesday at 11 AM! (Does nobody ever work in this town?)

The Spirit of Detroit.300x300When I first moved to New York, I found myself filled with nothing but optimism. Now, after years of riding the subway, day after day, and having second-hand smoke blown in my face as I scurried down the sidewalks, I’d become a jaded, bitter pill and a hater of other people.

At this point in our lives, Craig and I had both given up our aspirations of being famous actors. My career turned toward writing, and I was fortunate to publish a string of novels starting in 2008. Craig’s last onstage appearance came in 2007, and he’s since found steady employment as a product specialist for an automotive company. I asked myself, “Why are we still here…paying $1400/month to live in a 500 square foot apartment…in Sunnyside, Queens?”

For the past six years I’d been writing about Detroit. All of the stories in all of my books take place in the Motor City and its suburbs. In writing about the places where I grew up—and eventually fled—I’d come to finally appreciate them. Places like the long-abandoned train station with its broken out windows; the former theatre, gutted and turned into a parking structure; even the town where I grew up, referred to by everyone and their brother as Hazeltucky. Why was I living in New York and writing about Detroit when I could simply live in Detroit — and for so much less?

Thanks to the economic downturn, Craig and I were able to purchase a 1924 Craftsman colonial in an historic Detroit suburb that is three times the size of our last New York apartment. While our monthly mortgage payment is only slightly less than our NYC rent, we now own an entire house. No one lives above or below us, so we can make as much noise as we want—whenever we want, doing whatever we want. We have an actual garage where we can park our car and a basement to store all our crap. And the best part about this whole move back to Michigan? Both of our families live within mere miles.

No more seeing our nieces and nephews only twice a year. No more missing out on Thanksgiving and Easter dinners. No more only getting to see the Tigers play baseball when they take on the Yankees and/or Mets. If I need to research a specific Detroit locale for a story that I’m writing, I can just jump in my car and go and visit the actual place instead of having to look up the street view on Google Maps.

Yes, Detroit is not New York City. But New York City wasn’t home.

 

Frank Anthony Polito is the award-winning author of Band Fags! and Drama Queers! The third book in this trilogy, The Spirit of Detroit, is now available on Amazon.com. He lives in Pleasant Ridge, MI, with his partner, Craig Bentley.

By:           FRANK ANTHONY POLITO
On:           Oct 19, 2013
Tagged: , , , ,

  • 62 Comments
    • DarkZephyr
      DarkZephyr

      Congrats. I lived in Michigan for a large chunk of my childhood, although it was the Upper Peninsula (Say ya to da U.P., eh!) although much of my family is from Detroit. Not sure I could ever live there again though. I would feel suffocated, I think, with the laws that are so non-gay friendly. I currently reside in the state of Washington and I LOVE it. But I am happy for you and your partner (I am so glad that I no longer have to use that word if I don’t want to and can say “husband” if I so choose, right now I am saying “fiance”) if living there makes you so happy. THAT is what counts! :)

      Oct 19, 2013 at 6:55 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • avesraggiana
      avesraggiana

      Good for you both! New York City, love to visit, hate to live there. My well-to-do younger brother pays the equivalent of my monthly salary, and I do pretty well myself, for an apartment on the upper west side that has views of the Hudson River. I’m realising now, he pays this monthly prince’s ransom to get away from people, people, people. But he STILL has people above him, belown him, next to him, around him. It’s still an apartment building after all, albeit a warmer, quieter one, with a doorman on the ground floor who shoos away all those reasons that turn New Yorkers into “people haters”. Welcome home.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 7:37 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Wayne
      Wayne

      Congrats to you both! I can relate on certain levels. I was born and raised in Portland, Oregon, and moved to central Florida at 24 years old. I love the sun and beach life, and that’s what drew me here. Fast forward 13 years, and I find myself missing Oregon more and more every day.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 8:23 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • andy_d
      andy_d

      Why “unthinkable?” This works for them and it makes them happy. Where these two men live is the center of THEIR universe. Much as I love NYC, it is not the end-all and be-all for their existence as they have shown in their eventual career choices.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 8:36 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sportsguy1983
      sportsguy1983

      And this is a news story why again?

      Oct 19, 2013 at 9:28 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ogre Magi
      Ogre Magi

      That story made me very depressed

      Oct 19, 2013 at 9:52 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • BJ McFrisky
      BJ McFrisky

      @sportsguy1983: Filler, that’s all. (what’s interesting is that apparently Queerty will publish anyone’s letter as an article.)

      Oct 19, 2013 at 9:57 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jwrappaport
      jwrappaport

      Unthinkable? Manhattan is loud, rude, and dirty – it’s like a giant DMV, only with longer lines and more tourists. Good for this couple. Yeah, NYC has James Levine and Broadway, but other than that, I’m not sticking around much.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 10:04 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • FitChicago
      FitChicago

      I think that is great; I’m a native NYer and love Manhattan but it really is admirable to see them taking a chance on Detroit and still believing in a city so many have left for dead. Hopefully they find happiness and prosper in Detroit and are part of the foundation that supports and nurtures a true rebirth or renaissance of the Motor City.

      I never understood why Occupy or a similar large movement never considered trying to establish their “utopia” or, more accurately, fair and open community in Detroit– property in Detroit was almost free a couple years ago and with a few hundred “settlers” a true democratic community could still be built. If such a community showed signs of success, it would attract more like-minded people to relocate there, businesses to be built and as long as success continued; it would only take circa 5 years for such a community to be the largest and most powerful voting block in Detroit and could radically reform Detroit’s government.

      Ok, enough of my babbling….

      Oct 19, 2013 at 10:49 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the other Greg
      the other Greg

      The THINKABLE! As the song says (sort of), if you can make it in Sunnyside, Queens, you can make it anywhere.

      New York is fun to live in when you’re young, and it’s great for casual sex buddies – if you’re quick! Everyone is so busy all the time, and working like crazy. When you hit 30 or so, serious dating is easier in practically any other city with a sizable gay population. The only gay male couples I ever encountered in NYC met elsewhere before moving to NYC, like this couple.

      Since they were already a couple, I’m not sure why they regret the decline of gay bars so much! But yeah, there’s been a decline in gay sociability there. New Yorkers drink A LOT in bars (because they don’t need to drive?) compared to other US cities.

      @BJ McFrisky: @sportsguy1983: Damn – you guys will bitch about anything! I’d have thought you conservative types would approve of their leaving liberal NYC and moving to the sticks!

      Oct 19, 2013 at 11:06 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • erikwm
      erikwm

      Fortunately, my “home” isn’t Michigan and this will never happen to me.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 11:15 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jwrappaport
      jwrappaport

      @sportsguy1983: Bro, it’s time to hit the gym.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 11:18 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Frank Anthony Polito
      Frank Anthony Polito

      @DarkZephyr: Thanks for the good wishes! Yes, Michigan isn’t the most gay-friendly place to be living — but we hope that things will get better SOON :-)

      Oct 19, 2013 at 11:19 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • FitChicago
      FitChicago

      @the other Greg: Detroit actually has an active gay community; I have 4 good friends who live in Detroit (sure they don’t live IN the city but apparently no one does) and they really love the gay community in Detroit.

      I’d imagine that a quite profitable 5 year investment would be to invest in or open a gay bar/club or staple gayborhood business (dry cleaner, salon, home store; the list is endless) because if/when Detroit becomes trendy, your bank account will grow substantially.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 11:19 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Frank Anthony Polito
      Frank Anthony Polito

      @avesraggiana: Thanks much! We are both very happy to be home again :-)

      Oct 19, 2013 at 11:21 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Frank Anthony Polito
      Frank Anthony Polito

      @Wayne: Thanks, Wayne! Yes, I think the older we get, we grow to appreciate where we’ve come from. We NEVER thought we would move back to Michigan… And now here we are!

      Oct 19, 2013 at 11:23 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Frank Anthony Polito
      Frank Anthony Polito

      @andy_d: Thanks, Andy! I only wrote “unthinkable” in the headline for “dramatic effect.” But there are some people who DO think NYC is the center of the universe, and they wonder why anyone would ever NOT want to live there. We’re both happy that we did, but now we’re ready for something new.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 11:25 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Frank Anthony Polito
      Frank Anthony Polito

      @jwrappaport: Thanks! I appreciate your support. Thanks for reading :-)

      Oct 19, 2013 at 11:26 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Frank Anthony Polito
      Frank Anthony Polito

      @FitChicago: Thanks for reading! Yes, I agree. If more positive-minded people (or people, in general) were to come to Detroit, they would discover that there IS a lot of good going on here. My partner and I are both happy to be back :-)

      Oct 19, 2013 at 11:29 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Frank Anthony Polito
      Frank Anthony Polito

      @the other Greg: Thanks, Greg! You’re absolutely right. NYC is a great place to live when you’re young – or if you have A LOT of $$ — but when you’re ready to “settle down” it doesn’t make things easy.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 11:32 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dakotahgeo
      Dakotahgeo

      Fannnnntastic! Wonderful story… Welcome home!

      Oct 19, 2013 at 11:40 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Scott
      Scott

      My partner and I moved this past February to his home town of Detroit, after living in Hawaii for 22 years. I love it here and have never been happier.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 11:45 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dixie Rect
      Dixie Rect

      Queens, is well, Queens.

      Also, why is this so ‘unthinkable’? Two people made a mature decision about their future. What are they supposed to do? Continue to live like they are in their 20s? Nothing sadder than men that are 50+ wearing Holister and A&F tshirts, hanging around the bar. They did the right thing.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 11:56 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • quirkygirl
      quirkygirl

      LOVE THIS ARTICLE! LOVE THE TITLE! It’s a great “coming of age” post that so many of us can relate to. I spent some time in NYC, living in small apartments with wacky roommates and high living costs. It was great to be there and great to get out. Love the line about the “half-price” Broadway tickets. SO TRUE. Now we need the follow-up article about what happens when you add a dog, some babies and awkward high school run-ins to the mix.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 12:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • michiganstateofmind
      michiganstateofmind

      Congrats to you both. I wish you the best! Thanks for sharing. I’m thinking about moving. I live near Ann Arbor Michigan. I retired at 49 31 years General Motors. $1,400. 900 square foot? I live in a 950 square feet. Second career in NY is off the table at 53 years old lol.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 12:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • rand503
      rand503

      This is a great story. I’m from Buffalo, NY, originally, and I get tired of hearing the city-bashing I get from people who’ve never even been there, or where there for a day and saw only a small part of it. Most rust belt cities have deep histories dating to the early 19th century, fantastic cultural legacies in the forms of musuems, symphonies and educational institutionals, and maintain historic areas where gorgeous mansions go for a fraction of what you pay in the large cities today.

      Our large cities such as Washington, NYC, SF, Atlanta, LA and so on suffer from too much growth, and it drives up housing prices and makes commutes unbearable. And we have cities that suffer from too little growth. a reasonable and sensible policy would be to encourage people to move to the low growth cities, which already have infrastructure in place, rather than building new roads and sewers over good farmland.

      So kudos to this couple — i only wish more people would discover the advantages of rust belt cities and drop their prejudices and actually SEE what is there, and why so many still call it home. Good luck to them!

      Oct 19, 2013 at 1:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Lane103
      Lane103

      I am also from Buffalo originally…I have been in Philly for over 20 years…I agree with rand503 the cities in the Great Lakes area have allot of history..there is great architecture and green space. If we could get our government to incent companies to locate in the US that would help these cities with their rebirth. Instead you could be working for a company with America in its name and know that 80% of its customer service reps are offshore….as for New York I have always loved it! but you do need to make bank to live there…

      Oct 19, 2013 at 2:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • LinwoodLA
      LinwoodLA

      Moving somewhere cheaper sounds good, but can come at a price. I hope youre safe in Detroit, and don’t get gay bashed; of cours NYC isn’t safe either so what the hell. I live in LA where rents are high, but we bought a condo for about 2/3 of the price I had been paying in San Francisco… LA is cheaper than SF not just because of rent, but parking is nearly free in LA as compared to SF, plus there are no tolls.

      I’d guess moving home to your family will be nice. I’m glad that gays are moving to that swing state too! Please vote Democratic and get the crazy t partiers out of office!

      Oct 19, 2013 at 2:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • niles
      niles

      Somebody moved to a shithole. Alert the media. Wait, they already did.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 3:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • rand503
      rand503

      @niles: People like you are what makes a place a shithole. Please move where ever you are and go away.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 3:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • daspion
      daspion

      First, it’s great you chose to leave NYC and I applaud you for making that leap and going back to your home. But let’s get some things straight, because it is stories like this that infuriate me.

      For starters, you don’t live in Detroit. You live in Pleasant Ridge, which is a nice part of Oakland County, one of the richest counties in the U.S. Granted, you live about a mile from the Detroit northern border, but you don’t live in Detroit. You can consider it the metro area, but the reality is that Pleasant Ridge hasn’t hit as hard of times like Detroit has. And compared to other cities in Metro Detroit, you live in the swankier end. So please don’t make it sound like you’re giving up NYC for that humble, down on its luck Detroit city.

      You are also exactly what is wrong with NYC. You never lived here. You merely passed through. Stop supporting Starbucks and go to a local coffee house. Actually live and not just come here to make money or get on Broadway.

      By the way, those three horrible gay bars you mentioned, I am thankful they closed. And for every gay bar that closed in Chelsea, three opened up in Hell’s Kitchen. Change happens. Get over it.

      BTW, you were overpaying in Sunnyside on a place that small.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 3:32 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bob LaBlah
      Bob LaBlah

      @daspion: Thank you so much for your blunt, accurate points in your comment. Personally, I think Starbucks is a magnet for people like them. Those whose ambitions are in the stars and their reality is in their keyboards.

      An on sale $12 coffee maker from Target or Kmart along with a $6.99 120oz can of Maxwell House coffee would help them a lot more than a $5 per 12oz cup of foolishness from Starbucks. Why not get a $50 bottle of Curvorsier from the liquor store and invite a few friends over than pay $14 per watered down drink from the latest place that just opened for the obnoxious gym rats to hang out in and do nothing but model their buns of steel?

      But hey, I only drove a tractor-trailer for a living (and made a damned good living at that) here in NYC and went out once a month at best. What would a dumb trucker like me know?

      Oct 19, 2013 at 4:06 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Taliaferro
      Taliaferro

      Congratulations! My late partner and I made the move from Manhattan back to Virginia in 2005. I now live in rural Nelson County, know and depend on my neighbors and they on me. For the first time in my life, I have a sense of community. Ten years in Manhattan and I was ready for some natural beauty, fresh air, mountain views and a more relaxed pace. I was tired of feeling buffeted by the mobs on the street and of everything costing for much. I miss the Met and the fabric district. Theater I miss less than I thought – with ticket prices what they are, we stopped going. I think as one ages, different things become important. That said, hello to all the regulars at The Townhouse.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 4:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Joetx
      Joetx

      It is well known that the city of Detroit has & continues to have a myriad of problems. The fact that the author has decided to move to a Detroit suburb – apparently one that is doing well & probably has contributed to Detroit’s problems (i.e., white flight; the city is 95% white) – tells me this piece is more about self-congratulation & self-aggrandizement. Sorry, but there are plenty of things that are way more “unthinkable” than moving to a cozy suburb.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 5:47 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Derek Williams
      Derek Williams

      This is something I too would love to do.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 6:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • rand503
      rand503

      @daspion: Wow. So from a short article, you are able to devine exactly what this lovely couple has experienced in their entire life in NYC. With such superhuman powers, New York should be at your feet!

      I’m always happy to find someone who easily condemns another person’s life and choices. People like you are a barrel of fun and always the most charitable, of course. I’m totally sure you have your shit together and have no complications in your life — may they always stay that way! and they will, becuase nothing can ever throw a hardbitten new yawker such as yourself.

      I would be delighted to have you as a neighbor in a cramped tiny closet of an apartment.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 7:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • rand503
      rand503

      @Joetx: Yeah, because people are just flocking to Detroit’s suburbs nowadays.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 7:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Daniel-Reader
      Daniel-Reader

      Folks should have long ago told young gay people that if you want to be an actor you don’t go to college and you don’t move to Los Angeles or New York. You move to Vancouver. And if you cannot walk into a club and have everyone want to do you, then you aren’t good-looking enough to make it as an actor.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 7:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Greg771
      Greg771

      @daspion : Why get so pissed? Trying to spoil everyone’s day?
      Congrats to Frank and Craig.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 10:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jwrappaport
      jwrappaport

      @daspion: And to think people say that New York is full of pretentious, judgmental pricks.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 11:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • hotshot70
      hotshot70

      all the best to the 2 of you. my partner and I currently live far apart. I am Iowa, he is Oregon. One day we hope to find a place to live where both states allow gay marriage. Iowa does, Oregon still working on it.

      Oct 19, 2013 at 11:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jwrappaport
      jwrappaport

      @hotshot70: Good news – Oregon only just announced that they’ll recognize gay marriages performed out of state. Get married in Iowa, then move to Oregon.

      http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/govbeat/wp/2013/10/18/oregon-will-recognize-out-of-state-same-sex-marriages/

      Oct 20, 2013 at 12:40 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • HunterPDX
      HunterPDX

      Home is where the heart is. I grew up in WI but that was never “home” (Spent a lot of time in the UP tho). For me home is the Pacific NW now. Been here 25 years and I never want to leave. Oh…wait…it’s rainy and grey and no one in their right mind would EVER want to move here. Move along! ;)

      Oct 20, 2013 at 1:26 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Timothy
      Timothy

      Wow, this was our story in 1984 when we surrendered our rent-stabilized apartment in Chelsea NYC for a condemned hovel in Easton, Pennsylprejudice! Best difficult decision we ever made!

      ——–

      Hearty congratulations New Jersey!

      We can now see Equality from our Pennsylprejudice porch, merely a ten minute walk from our home to where our marriage is respected!

      Litigation has been proven to be the fastest way to affirm our U. S. Constitutional rights that are still denied Americans born non-heterosexual who must live in states that deny our civil rights.

      Pennsylprejudice: Time to get the lead out!

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZcpH-q_GXg
      http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10200462480439085&set=a.10200137869644018.1073741847.1669134909&type=1&theater
      http://www.freedomtomarry.org/blog/entry/tim-earl-after-37-years-we-cant-wait-longer-for-the-freedom-to-marry-in-our

      Oct 20, 2013 at 9:28 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • tommiej
      tommiej

      I read this article and it really moved me. I moved back to Michigan after spending close to 19 years in San Francisco. The ever increasing rents and high-cost of living there was really pushing me over the edge. So after losing a high-paying job and being unable to find work — I packed my bags and moved back.

      It’s been a little rough as I’m still getting back on my feet. But Michigan is home and my family is here. I’m already looking around to buy a home of my home. It’s still shocking that I can buy a place to live (an entire house) for the cost of a used car!

      Great article and I’m going to be sure to check out your books! FYI I was a theater major as well.. so that made the article doubly amusing.

      Oct 20, 2013 at 11:24 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • rand503
      rand503

      If you want to be an actor, it’s seems that everyone goes to LA or NY. No one ever seems to think that theater exists elsewhere in the US, and yet it does. And if your city or town doesn’t have much of a theater scene, then start one. I know quite a few actors who have done just that — it’s hard work but it can be done. And if you really love theater, you can do it easier in just about any place other than those big coastal cities.

      In fact, it’s a lot easier to make friends and make a splash in a smaller city than huge megapolises, so the ambitious should know that you can do so in fly over America. Again, good luck!

      Oct 20, 2013 at 1:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MartinNYID
      MartinNYID

      NO offense, but, most of us reached this conclusion 13-15 years ago. Props for holding out this long… NYC is a Giuliani joke. All the big cities of the world are overwhelmed and underwhelming. Good luck!

      Oct 20, 2013 at 2:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the other Greg
      the other Greg

      After reading these comments I have a naive question about Detroit and its suburbs, knowing little about it personally. Is it a really dramatic transition, when you cross the city line? For instance, Eight Mile Road (made famous or notorious by Eminem as the northern city boundary of Detroit) – is it literally, slums on one side and wealthy on the other side? Is it kind of like how East 96th St. in NY used to be? (I know, USED to be – Harlem has become so “gentrified” lately!) Is it a stark transition or is it more gradual than that?

      @Frank Anthony Polito: Sorry about the Tigers. Shane Victorino rocks!

      Oct 20, 2013 at 4:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Scruffleupagus
      Scruffleupagus

      I wouldn’t call it the unthinkable. I just moved to NYC 2 years ago and I’m still in the fresh won’t let it get me bitter phase. But I do see how living here can take it’s toll on people. It’s also not a great city to start a family or raise kids in my opinion. I’m young enough to enjoy it at the moment but I don’t see NYC as my final destination.

      Oct 21, 2013 at 1:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • WayDifferent
      WayDifferent

      The article clearly states that they bought a home in one of Detroit’s historic – suburbs. This is VERY relevant to the story. The city of Detroit and it’s suburbs are like night and day compared to anywhere else in the U.S.A. Furthermore, Detroit’s suburbs are beautiful compared to, say, Chicago’s. I know this from personal experience. There are many thriving (some affluent) gay friendly communities in the Metro Detroit area. For instance, Oakland County is among the highest income counties in the U.S. with populations over one million and is within mere miles of the Detroit border.

      I congratulate them in moving back home and sure they will be happy. I’m curious as to which suburb they settled. They did NOT “move to Detroit” however.

      Oct 21, 2013 at 3:46 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • twoguysbrooklyn
      twoguysbrooklyn

      I understand the desire to “go home”.

      But Detroit? Saugatuck, yes, but Detroit, ugh.

      It is true that living in New York makes one a people hater. I can’t wait to retire and move Upstate NY.

      Oct 21, 2013 at 4:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • WayDifferent
      WayDifferent

      @twoguysbrooklyn:
      Again, they didn’t move to Detroit. They moved to a very protected suburb of Detroit. You can always move to Chicago’s gay ghetto called Lakeview and get your ass beat into the hospital by 5 black “transgender” straight thugs over a $50 phone on a beautiful Sunday afternoon but at least Detroit city proper admitted they had violent crime problems so the gays fled. They will be fleeing in “Boystown” soon as well.

      Crimeinboystown.blogspot.com

      Although there aren’t many gay establishments left in Detroit city proper, at least they took care of us when they were still there. Don’t walk down that strip called Halsted St in Chicago. They’re just waiting for tourists who are ignorant too. So other cities aren’t all black. Curb your subconscious racism.

      Oct 21, 2013 at 6:59 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • WayDifferent
      WayDifferent

      @daspion: Bingo!

      Oct 21, 2013 at 7:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Publius
      Publius

      I too moved out of NYC and returned “home” earlier this year. For what I was paying in the city to live with roommates, I now have an apartment to myself in a newly renovated building, and the apartment is bigger than the apartments I used to share. I’m home by 6:30 or 7 most days instead of working at the office until 10, my parents are half an hour away, and the city is only a few hours away so I can go there for a weekend once in a while to visit and see friends.

      It’s awful, and I’m moving back to NYC in a few months. I have way too much space and don’t want to buy stuff just to fill it up. I miss the subway. I miss going to little cheap concerts with surprise Grammy-winning guest performers, or dropping by a friend’s gallery to see their latest exhibition. I miss the variety of new restaurants to try, and there are far fewer sports leagues here, especially ones that cater to LGBT people. And frankly, there just aren’t that many interesting people here to meet and get to know — probably because most of them left for the city.

      I never “got” NYC before — I always rolled my eyes when people would talk, with stars in their eyes, about how they dreamed of moving there and just HAD to make it happen. I wound up there for school and work, and went along with it for a few years, always intending to move back here (or someplace like here). It took leaving to realize that I could no longer do that. Here isn’t home for me anymore; NYC is.

      Bottom line is, do whatever is right for you. If you want to own property, if you want a lot of space and three dogs and a car or whatever, if those things are important to you, then by all means go move to Lansing or Indianapolis or Knoxville or whatever. But quit suggesting I’m crazy for paying to live in NYC “when I could have so much MORE elsewhere for the same or less money!” — I just don’t attach the same worth you do to these things, and I’m making my own decision based on my own values. Maybe in another 5-10 years I’ll want different things, and I’ll wind up in Seattle. Who knows! Life is change.

      Oct 22, 2013 at 2:12 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tim
      Tim

      Yeah shut up about about NYC. Talk about a city that believes its own hype and is frequently patting itself on the back. Im sick of NYC and how hypocrites like the neurotic and socially anxious Woody Allen say they can’t be anywhere else but one of the most crowded, congested places on Earth. And even worse people who HATE musicals but because they’re on a street that has nothing but musicals all of a sudden you’re opinion is going to completely change. So people who hate root canals go to Root Canal blvd. and you’re taking meth just so your teeth can fall out? Shows how fake people there can be. And they have the nerve to call Angelenos fake yet we damn well don’t claim to be “The Greatest City in the World.” Just overlook the hobos shitting in the subway stations, the raccoon size rats, roaches so massive the looked like they escaped from the rain forest, horrific traffic with rude and smelly cab drivers, we’ll smelly people and piss reeking streets in general. Yet you’d think a city as “creative” as NYC would actually give their streets decent names instead of naming them with fuckin numbers. Than idiots are so suckered in by this hype they pay in the thousands to live in a rat infested glorified closet. Oh but the food? Your pizza, overrated. Chicago deep dish bitches. Bagels are stale, nasty ass wannabe donuts, hot dogs are hot dogs so I could care less and again even if your sandwiches are as good as you say they are, $15-$20??? Fuck that. Yeah greatest city in the world all right;) Fashion wise what you have there can be found anywhere from LA to Milan to Venice to Miami to France. Don’t let the hipsters Don’t let the hipsters from the show Girls or the self obsessed residence sway your opinion. You have a mind of your own. DaVinci would be turning over in his grave if he saw what passes for art thanks to these fart smelling smug suckers. NYC is a suckers paradise.

      Oct 22, 2013 at 3:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jkrupiarz
      jkrupiarz

      The story is about moving to Michigan, a relative gay backwater, from NYC. It’s not relevant whether they moved to Detroit proper. They’re using Detroit in the general sense as most people from there do. The point of the story is no less valid just because they didn’t move to the most bombed out ruins of the city.

      Oct 26, 2013 at 3:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • barkomatic
      barkomatic

      I’m from Michigan and I’ve got nothing against the place, but this move was only possible because at least one of these guys is self employed. If you have a job where you can work at home in some capacity than Detroit is probably one of the most affordable places to live that still has more than a bit of grit to it.

      However, for anyone who is not self-employed it is very, very difficult to find a decent job there. Those cheap houses look a lot less affordable if you are making close to minimum wage and paying for gas everyday.

      Oct 30, 2013 at 5:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ogre Magi
      Ogre Magi

      @Publius: Best comment I have seen in a long time

      Oct 30, 2013 at 5:47 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • arccos
      arccos

      NYC is too expensive, dirty, unfriendly, too far from family, etc–as though this argument, minus gay rights and Detroit, isn’t repeated exactly 6 gazillion times in public by most everyone. There’s not really anything original here.

      Oct 31, 2013 at 12:13 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Frank Anthony Polito
      Frank Anthony Polito

      @Publius: You are absolutely correct! To coin an old phrase: “Home is where the heart is.” You have obviously left your heart NOT in San Francisco (as the old song goes), but in good old NYC :-)

      Jan 9, 2014 at 8:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Frank Anthony Polito
      Frank Anthony Polito

      @barkomatic: You’ve hit the nail on the head! Yes, my partner and I are fortunate because his job requires him to travel — and there’s an airport a mere 30 minutes drive from where we now live. As for me… Yes, I can write from anywhere. But, as most writers of gay fiction come to realize, it doesn’t pay the bills. I’ve applied for a good 100+ full-time jobs here in the Detroit area and I’ve yet to land a single gig. BUT… the main reason I moved to Detroit (as my story states) isn’t to find employment. This is my HOME. Always has been… Always will be :-)

      Jan 9, 2014 at 8:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Frank Anthony Polito
      Frank Anthony Polito

      @WayDifferent: Thanks for reading my story — and for your comment. You are correct. Craig and I did move to one of the Detroit suburbs, called Pleasant Ridge. It’s a tiny .5 x .5 mile “historic” area near the Detroit Zoo (also not located in Detroit proper). But we do live a mere 2 miles from the Detroit border, and we don’t feel the least bit unsafe here. In fact, PR is #7 on the list of small cities in terms of gay couples per capita. We happen to live on a block along with 3 other gay couples, and right near a restaurant owned by lesbian business partners :-)

      Jan 9, 2014 at 8:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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