Meet Matthew L. Chancey, your Old Spice Man of the Year. He and his wife Jennie are members of the Vision Forum, a group dedicated to “the restoration of Christian family culture” and plans on doing so with such heart-warming family-friendly statements as “The Bible makes no distinction between homosexuals, pedophiles, bestials and rapists. All are criminals, the toleration of which brings judgment on the land and devastation to children.” Mmmmm, musky!
Jennie has even written a book published by the Vision Forum titled Housewives Desperate for God, which almost certainly doesn’t contain any stories about Marcia Cross being blackmailed by her gay son or wacky Terri Hatcher-inspired sex farces.
How did such an awful person get named Old Spice Man of the Year, hot on the heels of using Neil Patrick Harris as a spokesperson? Well, they let the Internet decide. Proctor & Gamble, presumably previously unaware that the Internet is full of nothing but porn, links to Rick Astley videos and totally insane nutjobs, thought it’d be a good idea to leave the field wide open to any name at all. This was A Very Bad Idea, but even after people wrote in to Proctor & Gamble saying that the leading contender to win wasn’t exactly the kind of person you want your 70 year old brand associated with, the site kept Chancey as a contender and with voting finalized last night, he’s now officially the Old Spice Man of the Year.
Old Spice goes out of its way to point out that all the title gets you is $2k and a crappy gift bag of Old Spice products and the site is plastered today with warnings that:
“It was not possible, or even desirable to quiz each candidate about their political, religious, and social views. While we selected the finalists, the winner will be determined by you, the reader. If you don’t support a particular candidate’s message, you should vote for those you do believe in and spread the word about that candidate. The contest is not about who AoM or Old Spice believes should be the winner, but who the public determines should be the 2008 Man of the Year.”
To which they left out, “And our marketing guy is so fired.”
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
But if you really want to throw up, may we suggest reading Jennie’s endorsement of her husband for the award. As she puts it, “He’d never sing his own praises, but, as his wife, I never tire of doing so.” Smells like Christianist spirit!
Joe Moag
This whole thing smells.
Erik
Yeah like old man, Dont all homophobes smell like old spice?
Jesse
“Proctor & Gamble, presumably previously unaware that the Internet is full of nothing but porn, links to Rick Astley videos and totally insane nutjobs, thought it’d be a good idea to leave the field wide open to any name at all.”
So, wait, under which of these categories does queerty fall and what are you saying about your own readership? Apparently the internet is only full of insane nutjobs?
Debra
So much for Old Spice as a Christmas gift this year.
michael
I guess white trash people deserve their own fragrance just like everyone else. I guess its also a boycott proof product cause other than the aforementioned who wears that shit anyway? I did not even realize they still made that crap. This is one that I can actually just laugh at because its so hilarious that there is an “Old Spice Man of the Year” anyway. Its actually brilliant because here you have a nasty product that you would not even buy and give to a homeless person that desperately needs a market. So you go after the Palin, we don’t know Africa was a continent, we like videos of the necks being chopped off turkeys crowd. Then you add some gay controversy and bingo, you have hardcore customer loyalty! Southern Baptists will be baptizing each other in this shit water to church for years!
Tim
That’s fine. I’ll just add P&G to the long, long list of companies from which I will never, ever purchase another crap product.
Charles J. Mueller
I checked out Vision Forum. Among the many items I found being offered for sale (oh yeah, they wanna make buckaroos just like everyone else), were…
1) A 1911 Boy Scouts Handbook
2) An All-American Boy’s Crossbow
3) A Texas Three Shooter
4) Spy Monocular
5) Detective Communicator Watches
Ummm…I guess what these good folks have in mind, is building All-American little shits with the character and mindset of Robert Baden Powell, Kit Carson, Wyatt Earp, Nathan Hale and Dick Tracy.
Sorry, Calamity Jane. This is an exclusive Christian Boy’s Club.
No girls allowed.
Eclipse
I guess it’s fair to assume he’s a racist- but I didn’t notice anything in the boilerplate that says so. Did I miss something?
Also, @ Tim: Good luck boycotting P&G- they own everything. And, they’re an evil company anyway- their animal testing standards are so absolutely horrible they’d make a veal farmer blush.
Japhy Grant
@Eclipse: My bad. Vision Forum is a big fan of white supremicist historical fiction author G.A. Henty.
http://www.google.com/search?q=henty+site%3Awww.visionforum.com&start=0&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official
Debra
@Eclipse
Doug Phillips, head of Vision Forum, considers the virulently racist 19th century Confederate theologian Robert Dabney a formative influence on his thinking.:
http://racistchurches.wordpress.com/2007/06/13/rl-dabney/
Joe
“To which they left out, ‘And our marketing guy is so fired.'”
Seriously. A Google background check to see if any nominees are contoversial is not hard. There really is no excuse for this but itis funny. Who the frick buys Old Spice anyhow?
adzomelk
@Joe: im with you joe i mean really old spice gag me with a pitchfork that shit stinks & so does its so called man of the year
L
I’m glad we can now smell homophobes before we see them. Seems to me what’s really devastating to children are foster homes, adulterous straight parents, environmental degradation, hypocritical religious leaders, abstinence education, and our culture of materialism & violence. My partner and I making love doesn’t even make the list.
porsha
So, is this the guy on the right in the white hat, or the guy on the left holding a rifle? Is there a difference beyond color? Where was the picture taken? Who is the guy standing in back, a body guard or a prison guard? Are they in the Congo? Is that the Cheeny’s ranch in Wyoming? Who cares?
Dawson
Exodus 4.23 I said to you ‘Let me son go that he may workship me.’ but you refused to let him go” now I will kill your firstborn son.
Leviticus 20.10 If a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulteress shall be put to death.
Leviticus 20.28 You shall not make any gashes in your flesh for the dead or tattoo any marks upon you. I am the Lord.
Leviticus 15.19 When a woman has a discharge of blood that is her regular discharge from her body, she shall be in her impurity for seven days, and whoever touches her shall be unclean till the evening.
So does he feel that adulters should also be in this category? And should women on their period be required to remanin in their home for 7 days? Should the first born child be killed? We haven’t even got into Sodom were the children of Sodom got the father drunk so they could have sex with them. So I guess incest is o.k. but homosexuality isn’t.
seitan-on-a-stick
Old is the operative word. Please don’t punish your Octogenarian Grandparents, Montgomery Burns or a Cadaver in the attic with this vile scent which would get you stabbed in the New York subway.
Generic “Michael” is a reverse-racist. A lot of paranoid ramblings dressed up as wit, “Mikey”. Let’s fight bigotry with our own BIGOTRY. Real smart!
jimmy
Old Spice is mostly used by old bigots to cover up the smell of pee.
DfromE
Just don’t buy Old Spice.Come on people – let’s do it!Let’s stop buying from labels like this – it’s not that hard.honestly – I would absolutely LOVE to see the lists of gay-friendly and gay-unfriendly companies from all over the world (of course with a descriptions).
But anyway – I’m not sure any normal men (gay or straight) would like to smell like an OLD Spice so I don’t think that’s a big deal – who won their stupid contest:)