Nothing raises the hackles quite like the transient, transgressive delights of Greek yogurt. And should you ever produce a commercial that conspicuously slips a container of the stuff between two slinky lesbians cavorting around in 1500-thread count bedsheets, you should immediately expect the fiery condemnation of Our Lord to come down upon you with the force of a thousand bucking steads.
Such is the fate of fine Greek yogurt purveyors Chobani, who recently released the following Sapphic advertisement to capitalize on Gay Pride Month:
Within moments, that spectral organization known as One Million Moms rose up from the gulley in which it sleeps, instantaneously firing out a nutso press release that reads in part: “Chobani should be ashamed of their latest commercial for attempting to normalize sin by featuring two women naked in bed together… This commercial not only promotes same sex relationships by including two lesbians, but also same-sex marriage because the two women wear matching wedding bands.”
Related: Disney Channel Acknowledges That Gay Parents Exist, Infuriates One Million Moms
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One Million Moms — who we suspect is merely One Crabby Spinster typing away on an old Smith Corona in a disused basement — gets increasingly flummoxed as the statement rambles on: “What does selling yogurt have to do with gay sex? Nothing at all, but Chobani wants to make the association. One Million Moms continues to stand up for Biblical truth, which is very clear in Romans 1:26-27 about this particular type of sexual perversion.”
With that, One Million Moms flapped back into the clouds to replenish its energy before the next attack, leaving us with much to think about as we enjoy our own Chobani in bed.
h/t: Jezebel
mcflyer54
One million moms (aka: 3 old maids and a computer) are totally irrelevant. These fools have never mounted a successful boycott – EVER. Matter of fact most of their boycotts and protests have resulted in a increase in support and customers for the businesses they target. They cannot name a single company that has apologized, fired a spokesperson (think Ellen), changed their policy or cancelled an advertising campaign as a result of the whining and childish tantrums. How about you “moms” just shut off your TVs and stop using them as babysitters and let the responsible adults decide for themselves what to watch? So, move on folks, there is truly nothing of value here – as usual from the one million morons.
Creamsicle
I love the name One Million Moms, because it is a demonstrably false statement. Plus they seem to get their girdles in a twist over the smallest, most irrelevant things. Shooting in Charleston church gets shot up? Big deal! We need to make sure that lesbians stay away from our yogurt!
Tobi
“One Million Moms — who we suspect is merely One Crabby Spinster typing away on an old Smith Corona in a disused basement —” Priceless.
Patricia Leavitt
These so call million moms !!! Get back under your rock this is 2015 we have a black president gay marriage legal in some states and bullying is not ok . Being gay proud and out is beautiful I’m not gay but my granddaughter is and the God I love is ok with this . That commercial is beautiful I applaud the your art company for this . If your a person of God act like it
Mack
All the businesses, shows and people this organization attacks but they yet to come out against Josh Duggar. Now how F–ked up is that?
PARKAVMAN
They should be glad the women didn’t find another use for it. it’s a good commercial. The Million Moms for Hate SUCK.
BlueDude
@mcflyer54: LOL, “one millions morons”, I. LOVE. THAT. Ive read they’re over 900K short of that number. We need to be protecting the children from ignorance and bigotry!
Alan David
Dam. They hate everything
AxSupporter
Lovely how religions/religious people think they make all the decisions for the rest of us ^_^ I do not need biblical ramifications, nor even my own American constitution to tell me the pursuit of happiness is a no brainer. If something affects your marriage, it’s something to do with the two parties involved, not on the account of someone you’re obviously not even willing to get to know, being gay. Next imaginary crisis please, I’m So over this kind.
jason smeds
This just looks like a very exploitative ad from Chobani. It’s not truly GLBT-friendly. Ask yourself this question: would Chobani show two men in a similar ad? I doubt it.
Curty
Can gay, bi and trans people live their lives without being thrown stones at by nutjob Christians? Damn… everyday my anger gets amped up even more by these people who leave we gay people alone. Fuck you and your religion. This is not a theocracy! Live your lives and let others live there’s.
jason smeds
Where is the ad showing two men? Is Chobani homophobic about two men together?
1EqualityUSA
You didn’t see them on the beach? The guy with the guitar serenading his lover… Oh, you know, that imaginary friend you have.
Lisa Lamkin
I find the 100 Moms quite amusing.
Daniel Leyva
They are just envious. One million moms probably get together for lesbian orgies. Maybe one million MILFS?
Dylan J. Tate
I love that status caption. It bleeds the irony of click-bait articles. Well played, Queerty. Well fucking played.
Mack
Somebody needs to make them prove there are a Million Moms in their organization-truth in advertising.
Carlos Zuniga
need to find the leader and destroy it.
Jessica Naomi
there are no LADIES in One Million Moms that Jesus freak bullshit are another money laundering scam for American Family Association
vancouverdoug
I am pretty sure One Million Moms is a front for Madison Avenue. Think about it. They get their panties in a wad, and the companies get tons of free advertising thru sites like this and others. I remember the Kraft dressing ads with the hottie a few years ago. Never would have seen the ad if not for One Million Moms. I have always bought Kraft, but will never change now 🙂
Neshama
Oh good grief. All One Million Moms are, is a bunch of insecure, whiny, sad, pathetic, desperate, old women.
jwtraveler
Another greedy company jumping into the fray, competing for gay dollars.
@jason smeds: I’m reminded of the joke about the Jewish mother who buys her son 2 shirts for his birthday. “I love them,” he says, and goes into the bedroom to try one on. When he comes back wearing the shirt, his mother says: “What’s the matter, you didn’t like the other one?”
gaym50ish
The “One Million Moms” boycott of JC Penney and spokeswoman Ellen DeGeneres fizzled after the “million” reached only about 40,000. Compare that with about three million people who were watching Ellen’s television talk show every weekday.
They mustered even fewer signatures in its “Dump Starbucks” campaign after the Seattle-based coffee chain supported gay marriage in its home state. Even after the group ran online ads in some of the most anti-gay countries on the planet — Egypt, China, the United Arab Emirates, Bahrain, Oman and Kuwait — just over 45,000 signatures were gathered. In the meantime, an online “Thank You Starbucks” campaign to counter the moms delivered more than 550,000 signatures.
They simply embarrass themselves when they claim to be a million strong and think they’re capable of mounting a successful boycott. The 16-million-member Southern Baptists can’t even manage a successful boycott of Disney, because most people just don’t care as much as that one spinster typing out letters on her Smith-Corona.
nemesis9
Those sheets are 800 thread count at best.
Demarion
When “One Million Moms” objected to Ellen DeGeneres being a spokesperson for a makeup brand, I went and bought eyeliner. I gave it away, because I had no use for it. This time, thanks Moms, I can use what you want to boycott!
Giancarlo85
@jason smeds: Nobody cares about your perpetual brownnosing of straight people because you always want to please straight people. You are a closet queen and your whole life is about making straight people feel better about you.
@jwtraveler: And another miserable character. They made a TV commercial, big deal. How does it personally affect you?
So sick of these tools on here who think they know everything.
Atomicrob
One million very bored housewives with too much time on their hands. They should be teaching their kids that not everyone is white, upper middle class and heterosexual so they can adapt to the real world. Get a life.
jwtraveler
OOPS! Used the dreaded “r” word.
@Giancarlo85: “So sick of these tools on here who think they know everything.”
I’d say that’s the pot calling the kettle black. You’ll probably say that’s r@cist.
Giancarlo85
@jwtraveler: Oh please. You don’t know what the heck you’re talking about. You just spout off. It’s funny… I think you’re becoming senile.
jwtraveler
@Giancarlo85: That’s OK. You’re young. In a decade or two you’ll discover that you don’t know everything.
Giancarlo85
@jwtraveler: Senile.
You’re not very bright and even for someone with so much “experience”, you seem as inexperienced as a 15 year old.