While today’s Oprah Winfrey Show features coming out stories by Billy Porter (boyfriend to yesterday’s Morning Goods Ari Gold) and Queer Eye's Carson Kressley, it’s Oprah’s upcoming shows that have us all in a gay tizzy. I mean, really Oprah, where do you come up with these topics?

Seeing as we have a real job (yes, queen, this is a real job) we simply do not have the time to watch Ms. O’s show like we did back in the day. Which may be a good thing now that she is the new Jerry Springer.

Please take a look at these shows Oprah and her staff are currently cooking up.

Is Your Spouse having an Affair?

Did You Cheat On Your Spouse?

Do You Take Medication for Mental Illness?

Got a BIG TIME JEANS DILEMMA?

Are you friends with your husband's mistress?

Addicted to sex?

Living With Someone Who is Mentally Ill?

Do you have a mental illness?

Laid off: And struggling to make ends meet?

Used to TURN HEADS — and now you're LOSING YOUR LOOKS

Do you know a man who has developed breasts?

Do you suffer from vaginal odor?

Do you suffer from extremely bad hangovers?

Do you know someone who vomits in his or her sleep?

Do you know someone who has "broken" their penis?

Do you suffer from urinary tract infections?

Has OCD taken over your life?

Are you the victim of a medical mistake?

Were you conned by your man?

Is there a moment you wish you could back?

Oh, wait. These people sound like our best friends.