Our Favorite Escort Ads
Have escort/S&M model/massage ads always been this hilarious, or has the recession made them extra crazy?
Cocktilling sounds like it hurts. Any way we can skip that and get straight to the sex?
Hot-wired nips: Great queercore band name, terrible description of the human body.
The subjectivity of the word “masculine” makes this photo funny to us. Perhaps you disagree.
Never mind that “mulatto” is a term closely associated with slavery and not spelled “milato,” and that, if we’re speaking in those terms, this fella’s actually a “quadroon”: isn’t this guy handsome enough to be, y’know, a real model? Maybe not for Prada, but what about JCPenny, or J. Crew?
Uh, how about we stay away from the farming terminology when discussing our “cock & balls”?
Just what we want when calling a stranger to meet us in secrecy: someone known to carry machetes!
Blame it on our day job, but any rent boy getting our money needs to know the difference between “discreet” and “discrete.”
Judging by the cutoff shirt and the acid-washed jeans – staples of the 80s – we’ve got a feeling this “young jock” is now an “old jock.” He might just live in Silver Lake, though.
I’ve been offered $1000′s to just give oral but i’m contracted with a modeling agency atm so i don’t want to ruin my chances of a calvin klein contract which is in the works.
I think you might be right about the “young jock” now being an “old jock”
Pure hilarity! I love stuff like this on this site.
Funny. As long as we’re getting un-p.c. (“mulatto”), maybe “sensitive nips” is a self-reference to an emo Japanese? The “discreet” photo, BTW, is a generic model shot. They do that a lot. In escorting, what you see isn’t always what you get.
Not my interest, but….
Milk is a specific sexual term, and completely appropriate
in that context, if he’s refering to the draining of semen
without orgasm, mostly in a Dom / Sub relationship.
I’ve always thought those ads are funny as all get out….question…what the heck does “In/Out” mean?
^^^ In the hustler’s apartment or in a hotel or the john’s apartment.
@ew.: Thanks for sharing that. I’m *sure* you’ll get it! Any day now….
Hey a guys gotta make a living somehow. If you gotta do it on you back or theirs whats the big. Besides them
LOL… where do these ads come from?
A machete? seriously? Guess we know he likes his men cut. Wow… so many people are confused by “discreet.” English 101 – malapropisms – how very contraceptive of you… ;-P (that was a joke and intentional).
@ew.: Yeah, its tuff decision sometimes. I was offered 5 bucks a pop to be the butt boy at a gay and gray party in Fort Lauderdale, but I am up for a prep-H commercial and they require me to use the product so my testimonial has some credibility to it. I don’t think bleeding roids would help me out any. And with my new dentures I’m just no good behind a casting directors desk anymore. How are we models supposed to make a living while waiting for our big break?
@michael: This is the funniest thing I’ve read all day.
@anokie: In/Out usually means in calls (you come to his place) or out calls (he goes to yours). I can’t believe I know that. . .
@michael: LOL!!!
@ew.: $1000 isn’t much money to do something that could come back to haunt you and ruin your success later.
Its only going to come back and haunt you if you feel bad about doing it to begin with.
No one knows the difference between discreet and discrete in personal ads. They usually go with the second, incorrect one.
It’s depressing how many ads on CL and other places want somebody who’s “masculine and discreet.” What is this the 50s? Are these people living with their grandmothers?
Sean:
The CL ads asking for “discreet” aren’t living with their grandmothers. From my experience they are living with wives, gfs, boyfriends, partners. I always laugh when guys say “discreet”. Do they really think I’m going to take the time to blow up their photos and post them on a billboard in Times Square? Not sure where the discretion comes into play.
Ty Edwards (the “Milato”) is a hot mess here in L.A. He prances around West Hollywood with his poor toy dog that he dyes different colors, appearing all cracked out, and definitely doesn’t look as wholesome as that picture. Blech.
@KB:
That’s funny. I haven’t lived in L.A. for like 6 years now, but when I did, I’d see allot of these guys and they looked SPENT!!!!
I once got in a physical fight with this one dude at the Faultline in Silver Lake and he ended up being one of these guys that offer their services in magazines. A week later a friend showed me his ad and I started laughing because this guy was totally tweeked out in person, and mind you he was in his 40′s then, but his photo was totally like a decade old.