LOL TECH

Our Favorite Gay Texts From Last Night

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Perhaps you’ve heard that blogs are big business? No, not because they generate fame and fortune from advertising, but because quirky web memes get turned into book deals. There’s Stuff White People Like, This Is Why You’re Fat, and overnight sensation Texts From Last Night, all of which have been sold to various publishers for jealousy-inducing fees. Oh, you don’t know about Texts? Then you’re seriously missing out, because this shit is funny. Anyone can submit a text message they sent or received about something that went down last night — and usually alcohol, drugs, or sex are involved. Sometimes all three. And with millions of texts going to and fro everyday, there’s bound to be some homo-filled SMSing, right? Yes, absolutely. Here’s a few recent entries … and yes, some of them sway homophobic. ‘Cause that’s what the kids are doing these days.

(NOTE: The numbers in parentheses? That’s the area code the text came from. And each page may contain more than one series of texts.)

banana_hammock

(636): Well I’m going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don’t know if there’s a theme.

(563): My dad just sent me a text telling me to “say hi to all the luscious bitches” at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood

mets_logo

(484): At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said “I’m gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags.” I love this fuckin town.

jo_on_rails

(502): i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list

(305): He’s not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.

(615): so evidently yelling “gay” everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me

(404): last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you’re going to love atl

carriepretop

(203): I’m totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
(860): oh sweet, sweet irony

tyracrazy

(202): I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.

(605): Say something about gay babies.

(515): i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.

(415): If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%

pot-brownies

(303): normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.

(407): I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, “laaaterrr.”

(281): I’m about two and a half drinks away from gay.
(713): I’m coming over.

alleybj3

(323): Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we’ve come as gay people!
(206): Doll, if you’re still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we’ve come as far as 2003…

(718): you kept yelling ‘bird cage’ in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant ‘free bird’ and you said ‘fuck you, i’m not gay’, needless to say you were kindly escorted out

(757): Come on the kid is gayer than me
(757): Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt

(804): I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.

ladygaga-pokerface

(561): At a straight bar and poker face just came on…must…resist….urge to gay it up
(915): Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don’t Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat

(704): How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i’m so adorable and that he had a ”blasty”

(818): Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.

zachary_quinto20

(845): I’m afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I’ll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so

(870): do you think it i’m gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
(1-870): well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
(870): what chic?

(913): end the night at a gay bar…not sure how…but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?

(917): I’m not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
(201): so you were gay…and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay

(440): just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.

(515): does your mom think i’m crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine

(949): youre so sexy i want your bod
(410): dude, did you turn gay?
(949): heather?
(410): this is jacob

vindwiki

(402): Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It’s important…

(780): Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important

(212): Of course we end up in a gay bar… And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?

(517): I’m having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay… what’s your verdict?
(1-517): GAY or at the very least bisexual.
(1-517): His “joking around” with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
(517): Weird… you’ve rode him.

(517): If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself

(951): my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can’t hangout today

(505): No, asshole. I’m not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.

(541): Did you see that girl I got with last night?
(1-541): Girl? Oh…weird…to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..

lambertcostume

(301): Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol…its like we lost the gay marriage vote…again

(248): My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.

(914): No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I’m gay.

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