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pretty fly for a bi guy

Paranormal State‘s Ryan Buell: Hardest Part Of Being Bi Is Dealing With What Other People Think Of It

My one friend jokes about me and he says “You got half a blue side, half a pink side. Which shirt are you wearing today?” I wouldn’t say it’s easier for us, I wouldn’t say it’s harder for us. To be honest, I don’t have that many gay or bisexual friends. Here in this college town especially, where it’s definitely more liberal and you see a little bit more sexual freedom and experimentation. Growing up and in college, I’ve met a lot of guys who are bisexual, you know, football players, athletes. Traveling in New York City and LA, you know, entertainment people who very much are bisexual. But that part is more of their secret part, that they may date a girl but then they have something on the side with a guy. My theory is, it’s easier because it’s not like you’re lying to yourself all the way when you’re dating a girl because you’re generally attracted to her. It’s not like that gender turns you off. I would say it’s difficult in the sense that you do feel society telling you it’s gotta be one thing or the other. That’s kind of the hardest part right now, is saying you have to pick one.

—Ryan Buell, the 29-year-old newly out bisexual host of A&E’s Paranormal State, thinks it’s still hard for bi dudes to get, uh, by [via]

By:           Ryan Tedder
On:           Sep 28, 2010
Tagged: , , ,
  • 32 Comments
    • Dennis Ayers
      Dennis Ayers

      Wow. If your entire post is a quote taken from an interview from AfterElton.com – the least you could do is mention the site by name. Kinda sucks just attributing with a tiny “via” link.

      Sep 28, 2010 at 5:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Charlie
      Charlie

      It is true that both straight and gay folks live in a state of disbelief when it comes to male bisexuality. I don’t know why my fellow gay guys are so upset when it comes to our bi brethren. Maybe they seem like dilettantes.

      Sep 28, 2010 at 5:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Soupy
      Soupy

      I think that’s obvious. Because so many men, in their struggle to come out as gay, begin with the step that they are bisexual.

      Sep 28, 2010 at 5:58 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Qubified
      Qubified

      I found it extremely difficult identifying as bi guy. Gay guys would act repulsed and straight girls wanted to be my fag hag. I had better luck with other bi individuals or with trans* guys and gals.

      Identifying as bi was about me coming to terms with my sexuality. I’m not gay, and I am definitely not straight. Eventually I decided that identifying as queer, or not identifying at all, has turned out so much better for me. I don’t give a crap what junk you’ve got…if I like you, it’s you that I like – not your penis/vag/whatever.

      Sep 28, 2010 at 6:08 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jason
      jason

      On the gay scene, many bisexually oriented men call themselves gay in order to fit in with the cliquey nature of the gay scene. I personally know tons of such men. They feel they need to call themselves gay in order to comply with the unwritten law of the gay social scene: thou must be gay. The gay social scene is full of such forms of cultish correctness.

      I don’t agree with the notion that being bisexually oriented is defined by cheating or by threesomes. Bisexual orientation simply means bisexual orientation. It means that you have attractions and feelings for either men or women in various degrees. It can be predominantly one or the other. It does NOT mean your feelings are equally divided between men and women.

      Gay male resentment of bisexual men is based on the notion that, he, the gay guy, faces competition from women for the bi guy’s affections. It’s similar to the hostility that women have for bi guys because, again, she has to enter an increased competition paradigm – competing with other men as well as other women – for the bi guy’s affections.

      Increased competition breeds resentment in those who have to compete.

      Sep 28, 2010 at 6:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      @jason:

      Oh Puh-Leeze Jason, I can just as easily say that newly out gay men call themsevles bisexual because they don’t think it’s as big a step out.

      This guy isn’t talking about real bisexuals, what he describes…

      Knowing atheleats and people in Hollywood who date women publically but are sleeping with guys on the side is not bisexuality, it is being a closet case.

      If people want to date either men or women they are bisexual, sneaking off and sleeping with people of the same sex is closeted.

      And as for your final comment that gay men resent bisexuals because they are “Competition”….wow, how much did you have to twist to come up with that? Just reading the condescension in your post should give you a hint as to why you may have met with unfavorable reactions.

      I have no problem with Bi’s, In my experience everybody in their 20’s who said they were bi all never ever dated a woman again and within a few years said they were gay except a very few. One of course married a woman, kept telling everybody he was bi….until of course his wife left him because they never had sex and she found out he was sleeping with his ex.

      Sep 28, 2010 at 6:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Devon
      Devon

      Paranormal State is kind of awful, but he’s so cute I have a hard time changing the channel.

      Sep 28, 2010 at 7:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • missanthrope
      missanthrope

      @Soupy:

      I think it has more to do with our very simplistic (and essentialistic) ideas surrounding sexuality that are very binary. Binary in that you’re either straight or gay, with no leeway or room in between or even room beyond that dichotomy.

      Hets are threatened by bisexuality because they have very stereotypical views of gays, they might be accepting as in “it’s okay my neighbor gay” but it’s a whole other matter when it *could* be them, their brother, or their son. Therefore, even the idea that they could hold concurrent homosexual and heterosexual attractions is confusing and threatening, it upsets their investment in their own het privilege and entitlement.

      Gays are threatened by bisexuality because they’ve spent the last fifty years in tremendous struggle to build a community and a political movement. Their identity and communities have been under intense and constant attack by heterosexual society, and hets have used anything they can to dismantle and attack an idea of a sane, stable and healthy gay identity.

      Therefore when bisexuality pops up it upsets the apple cart, it seems to threaten the tenuous social position of gays since they often feel it’s a cop-out, or even a slippery slop to saying that they can “change” to be heterosexual. For heterosexuals it bears the “stain” of same-sex love and is dangerous it seemingly “slippery slope” to homosexuality.

      But sexuality it more complicated than that and we continue the futile search for simple answers when discussing the subject.

      And I’ve got to say that most of you probably know more bi people in the in the gay community than you think. I know people who are “in the closet” about being bi. It’s just easier to say you’re gay or let people assume that your gay. Because people seem to get that. But when you say you’re bi you end up having fruitless discussions explaining your sexuality with people who just repeat the endless stereotypes that some people are repeating in this comment section.

      Hell, I’ve said “I’m gay” to avoid bullshit myself because after while you just get tired of people judging you based on things you’ve never done or experienced. You’d think that gay people would get that.

      Sep 28, 2010 at 8:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • missanthrope
      missanthrope

      And another factor that Jason discribed (can’t believe I’m agreeing with him, urgh).

      But some of it has to do with insecurity. A lot of us feel that we can hardly compete for the affections of our partners against the same sex, and it’s impossible to compete if you feel you have to compete against someone who has something that’s unattainable to you (well, unless you transition your sex, lol). That can also be threatening to people.

      But that isn’t always the case, a few bisexuals can’t live without the other sex in their lives, but in my experience that has been a minority. They either live on the DL or are poly. But most bisexuals I’ve dated and known can live w/o the other sex, sure they’re still attracted to the other sex, but your gay boyfriend can still be attracted to other guys, so what exactly is the difference between the two? The difference is if you act on it, and that has to do with the morality of cheating, not anyone’s sexuality. So yeah, most of the time people’s worries surrounding the “has to have both” thing is imaginary in most cases.

      And in the end, it doesn’t what sex your partner cheats with, it’s the fact that they cheated is that what’s the true issue is.

      Sep 28, 2010 at 8:16 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • edgyguy1426
      edgyguy1426

      That huge type is kind of onnoxious

      Sep 28, 2010 at 8:22 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Van der Doodle
      Van der Doodle

      Anyone who knows history knows well enough knows that sexuality is not one extreme or the other. There may or may not be preferences overall that an individual holds but lets be honest, most great men in the classical (i.e. pre-Abrahamic) world slept with whoever they wanted. Gays echo their own persecution when they assume it is either one of the other. The extremist exclusivity of Christianity, Islam, and the entire medieval era is reflected in the absolutist views of most modern gays, who assume it is either their way, or the highway. Well guess what princes and princesses, reality is a bit more nuanced than the simple views your hold, which are a reflection of the views of those who once thought you had some sort of illness or disorder. When you hate on bisexuals or deny their struggle, you are participating in the ignorance and bigotry that you yourself have experienced at the hands of others.
      In my personal experience, it is the self identified gays who hate on bisexuals more than the straights do. But maybe its simply jealousy that so many great people in history where bi, and they need to tear down the notion of bisexuality in order to claim all those great figures as closet cases, and thus their own. I can tell you I know quite a few “gay” guys who have confessed to me (with shame I might add, ridiculously enough) that they have or have had crushes on women, but they dare not confess it to their friends. Its more common than you think.

      When you behave like the enemy, you become the enemy.

      Sep 28, 2010 at 8:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DR
      DR

      There is another issue many gays/lesbians don’t want to admit when dealing with bisexuals… the appearance of “heterosexual privilege”. I’ve seen the argument that bisexuals can “hide” by marrying someone of the opposite sex. It’s infuriating. S/he is spending the rest of his/her life with someone s/he loves, that’s what matters…. but in this day and age where marriage equality is a huge issue in America, this can set some people off.

      Sep 28, 2010 at 9:10 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • missanthrope
      missanthrope [Different person #1 using similar name]

      “There is another issue many gays/lesbians don’t want to admit when dealing with bisexuals… the appearance of “heterosexual privilege”. I’ve seen the argument that bisexuals can “hide” by marrying someone of the opposite sex. It’s infuriating. S/he is spending the rest of his/her life with someone s/he loves, that’s what matters…. but in this day and age where marriage equality is a huge issue in America, this can set some people off.”

      I can perfectly understand this and it’s valid. I don’t really identify as bisexual anymore (I would call myself just “queer”) because on a social and political level, the bisexual community has not dealt with it’s heterosexual privilege very well. I feel alienated from online and IRL bisexual communities because of that. I just find the whole community’s politics can be problematic at times*

      *And let it be clear I’m not saying that every bisexual is hung up on their straight privilege, but the politics of many bisexual social scenes are pretty blind to it.

      Sep 28, 2010 at 10:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • afrolito
      afrolito

      Aww…poor tragic bi’s. My violin is in tears.

      Sep 28, 2010 at 10:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • j.
      j.

      I feel sorry for bisexuals. They’re hated by both straights and gays. It must be very hard to deal with.

      Sep 28, 2010 at 11:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Nick Farben
      Nick Farben

      Whenever I meet someone who isn’t 100% convinced bisexuality exists, I tell them to think of the science behind it.

      If you accept that heterosexuality and homosexuality are natural variants of homosapiens, then bisexuality must exist as the evolutionary link between hetero and homo. Blue doesn’t just evolve to be pink overnight.

      In fact, there are probably more bisexual people than there are gay, since bisexuals would breed more readily than gays would, and thus their gene more likely to pass on. However, with social norms being so hostile towards homosexual behavior, genetically bisexual individuals would either not reveal their sexuality, or find no opportunity to explore it.

      Of course, some people don’t think sexuality it’s genetic, but a rather a choice. In which case, why couldn’t someone also choose to be bisexual. It’s clearly an functioning option.

      Sep 29, 2010 at 5:03 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mark in NJ
      Mark in NJ

      Bi guys are in a way are just a lot more honest with themselves. I think a lot of people out there don’t want to admit to their same sex tendencies. I think some gay men also choose to suppress hetro attractions they might have.

      If you are BI to straights, then you are going to hell and might as well be gay. To Gay men, they desperately want to believe that BI men are just Gay men in denial. I think its hard for Gay men to deal with Bisexuality because its kind of one more thing we are left out of.

      Sep 29, 2010 at 6:40 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DR
      DR

      @missanthrope:

      And why should the bi community “deal with its heterosexual privilege”? And, more importantly, *how* should it deal with it?

      People seem to think that marriage/commitment makes the bi tendencies go away. It doesn’t, as you well know. You see the comments online, many don’t even grasp bisexuality except as a male gateway to homosexuality or female experimentation.

      What’s the litmus test for bis “dealing with heterosexual privilege”? Open relationships? Flings every now and then to remind folks they’re bi? Or should bis flog themselves in public apologizing for being bi and falling in love?

      I got smacked with white man’s burden in college and grad school, I’m not gonna ask anyone to do bisexual burden. It’s miserable having to apologize for who you are.

      Sep 29, 2010 at 8:31 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jason
      jason

      I think another contributing factor to resentment of bisexuals is the notion that bisexually oriented people have never been as politically motivated to fight for same-sex rights as those who are exclusively homosexually oriented.

      There’s this notion – based on fact – that a bisexually oriented person can become absorbed into the prevailing orthodoxy through a choice. For instance, a bisexually oriented man can make the choice to settle down with a woman and have kids, thus mainstreaming himself. It’s a VERY common scenario.

      However, I’d like to make the moral point that sodomy laws were aimed at ANYONE who engaged in same-sex relations, particulary if it was a male-male relation. Bisexually oriented men were just as much victims of persecution as exclusively homosexually oriented men.

      Sep 29, 2010 at 9:28 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mike in Asheville, nee "in Brooklyn"
      Mike in Asheville, nee "in Brooklyn"

      Well I don’t hate the BI’s — so long as they play gay when with me.

      Too many posters are superimposing their own sexuality onto others trying to figure out whether being Bi is genuine. Back in the mid-late 1940s, the Kinsey Report showed that 37 some percent of men over 18 had engaged in at least 1 occasion of male-male sexual intimacy. Compare that to the 10% of men who considered themselves all gay or mostly gay.

      I am one of those ALL gays. I have never found women sexually interesting and have never had any desires to engage in any intimacy, including kissing and making out, with women. My dad, on the other hand, was one of those who was ALL straight. We were best of friends, and a major part of that, was he knew how strongly his sexual desires were with women, and figured that my desires for men must be equally driven.

      Maybe if folks just relied on their own feelings and respected that others’ feelings are of equally important and just as valid, there wouldn’t be so much hatred over sexual identity.

      Let the all straights enjoys their sex lives, and all the gays too. And for all those in between, your feelings, wants and desires are as valid as everyone’s. Okay, maybe that’s it: its people who don’t enjoy their own sex lives that think they have the right to involve themselves into others’ privacy.

      Sep 29, 2010 at 10:00 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      If Bi’s are with somebody of the same sex, they are protected by any rules protecting the gay community.

      If Bi’s are with somebody of the opposit sex, their relationship is sanctioned by the state and society.

      So they are either looked at legally and societally as straight, in which case legally and societally they have no problems, or they are covered by what protections the gay community has.

      I’m not saying that Bi’s don’t exist. I am saying that what THIS guy in the article describes isn’t bisexuality. having a girlfriend in public and then sneaking off to sleep with men is being a closet case, not a bisexual.

      Sep 29, 2010 at 11:05 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DR
      DR

      @jason:

      Haven’t been as motivated to fight? Dude, when I was growing up, they didn’t use the phrase bisexual, going with “queer” or “pansexual” instead, and they were *always* around. Maybe not as vocal at times, but they were around. They were just not understood all that well.

      Sep 29, 2010 at 12:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • D'oh, The Magnificent
      D'oh, The Magnificent

      He implies that to be bi is to see the same sex part a as not the equal of heterosexuality. I am curious whether other bisexuals here agree with that. That being bi means your same sex attraction is lesser than. I don’t mean as in how much you are attracted do one over other. I mean as in you see same sex attracts as a way to just have sex rather than relationship. If so, that attitude would tend to explain why some gay men have a problem with some bisexuals.

      I have said this before, but it needs to be repeated. One of most interesting bi guys I ever met never played this game of same sex attraction is lesser than heterosexuality. In fact, what made me like him, and finally be okay with bisexuality, was that he said bluntly that if he were to leave his wife (who knew he was bi and with who he was in a monogamous relationship) he could not say whether he would end up with a man or woman. That’s an attitude that I can respect.

      Sep 30, 2010 at 1:33 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • D Smith
      D Smith

      the ten ton gorilla in the room is of course bisexual transgendered individuals…

      i hate to say it but for once i find myself agreeing with jason in that the gay community and the straight community feel insecure when it comes to bisexual individuals and this is only exacerbated when the person in question is trans as well.

      also several other people here do have excellent points as well… more and more i have found myself identifying as queer instead of bi or trans because being a bisexual trans person in a polyamourous relationship is just to difficult to explain the situation to people who remain bogged down by all their accumulated stereotypes of trans bi and poly individuals.

      the notion that a bisexual individual could “chose” their sexuality is blatantly ignorant, what a bisexual person can chose is who they happen to be with at that time, but their sexuality is still just that, bisexual… the slippery slope argument is a logical fallacy no matter which direction that it is applied.

      Sep 30, 2010 at 12:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JT
      JT

      Congrats Ryan!

      Of course male bisexuality exists and no it is not somehow rare or impossible for a man to be truly bisexual. Oscar Wilde was bisexual and so was Robert Mapplethorpe.

      Yes it is quite possible and common for men to be romantically and emotionally bisexual, however just because a man that’s bisexual can fall in love with men that does not make him gay even if you wish that he was.

      A person is still bisexual and a “true” bisexual even if they are just sexually attracted to one gender and fall in love with the other one.

      To think otherwise is just as hypocritical, ignorant, and bigoted as Conservative politicians and the “ex gay” people like to think about gay men as a whole, and everyone that’s GLBT.

      If a guy is actually heterosexual and really straight he’s not going to have sex with men even when he’s horny and drunk.

      Do you know any actual hetero guys? Ask them what they think about having sex with men or see if they’d have sex with a guy while drunk. Don’t be surprised if they get mad at you or think you’re a complete idiot for suggesting this to them.

      In the history of gay/bisexual men or the homophile movement AKA gay/GLBT liberation there was the Mattachine Society which also had bisexual men as founding members. The Mattachine Society and another early gay rights group the society for human rights tried being polite and educating people about homosexuality/bisexuality. These conservative gay/bisexual male liberation groups did not work but Stonewall did.

      The Stonewall riots were started by a bisexual Trans woman named Sylvia Rivera.

      Yes she was actually at Stonewall. Trans people can be bisexual too like she was.

      Columbia University’s Student Homophile League, was established by Stephen Donaldson AKA Donny the Punk, an openly bisexual student, in 1966.

      In the late 60s before and after Stonewall the term Gay was used for gay men and bisexuals and anyone else who was not heterosexual.

      Brenda Howard an out bisexual woman started Gay/GLBT pride to celebrate Stonewall that started in NYC and around the world.

      Cliff Arnesen a bisexual soldier was kicked out of the U.S. military in the 60s because he was bisexual and he has appeared before Congress as a bisexual person who was kicked out of the military because of his non-heterosexuality. This happened decades before Lt. Dan Choi.

      If you heard of the Catacombs club in SF in the late 70s/early 80s Steve McEachern the founder of it was bisexual both sexually and romantically-he fell in love with both men and women, and his lover was Cynthia Slater was bisexual too. Oh my bad, I’m sure you’ll just think of her as being a Dyke.

      The author formerly known as Pat, now Patrick Califia is a bisexual both sexually and emotionally/romantically. Then again I’m sure you think of Patrick as still being a dyke and a woman and that he’s not a man at all but that’s what happens when someone comes out as Trans and bisexual.

      Nayland Blake is bisexual and he used to identify as a gay man. He’s now partnered to a woman and has sex and romance with both men and women.

      Both Joseph Bean and Jack Rinella who have been a part of the leather community for a very long time are both bisexual and have sexual attractions to both men and women and they happen to be able to have romantic attractions to women too.

      Joseph Bean wrote about his sexual and emotional/romantic bisexuality in the book Leathersex Q and A where he wrote about having sex with women and falling in love with women as well as having sex with men and having a romantic/emotional attraction towards men too.

      David May’s ex husband David Louera who died of AIDS was bisexual. David Louera was sexually and emotionally attracted to men and women.

      Login to Fetlife.com, login, and see what Jack Rinella lists his sexual orientation as. He has frequently written about how he’s bisexual and falls in into emotional relationships as well as sexual ones with men and women. Or is that not “bisexual enough” for you since he used to identify as a gay man before he came out as bisexual?

      If you know of the bear author/writer Ron Jackson Suresha who wrote the book Bears on bears, he once identified as a gay man but he discovered that he is actually bisexual and came out as a bisexual man. Or have you been living under a rock for the past 6 years?

      Writers Doug Harrison and his partner Bill Brent are both bisexual men and have never identified as gay.

      I do not care if you don’t believe me that these men are bisexual or that I somehow do not know them. They’re out as bisexual and dare to exist even if you don’t believe them when they say that they’re bisexual and you only want to think of them as being gay.

      What gay men, lesbians, and straights are doing when they say how these men are really gay and not bisexual at all is erasing their sexuality and it just shows how little you know about these bisexual men.

      I have met many of the people who I have listed as out bisexual men in the leather community. Sometimes it was in passing or we were introduced socially, I would come out to them as bisexual and they would tell me how they too are bisexual.

      Many of them went on to write personal essays and memoirs about how they are bisexual men.

      Many gay men and lesbians want to rewrite history when it comes to bisexuality and when someone who was formerly identified as gay/lesbian comes out as bisexual and then they partner with someone of the opposite gender.

      There’s a tendency for gay men who have their own agendas of spreading misinformation and re-writing the history of the GLBT community and they want to claim that bisexuals have never been socially or politically linked to gay men and lesbians or accepted by gay men and lesbians.

      If you are really bisexual and a man if you come out some people, are just going to tell you that you don’t exist and that you’re really going to eventually come out as being a gay man but it does not work this way.

      Gay men and lesbians can sometimes be more bigoted towards bi’s than straight people are towards bisexuals.

      I have had Kinsey 6 gay men tell me how yes there are some gay men out there who feel as though it is their privilege and right to demand equality and sexual freedom for everyone yet treat bisexuals like shit.

      Biphobic gay men should stop invalidating the personal sexuality of these men that is not that of gay/homosexual despite how much you wish that they really were gay.

      The biphobic gay men and lesbians are just as bad as Conservative Politicians, born again Christian “focus on family” groups, and the “ex gay” groups.

      These biphobic gay men and lesbians are simply Perpetuating on the next generation that which was perpetuated onto them.

      This is not bigotry or hatred to say this or to say how there is a lot of biphobia in the GLBT community and among gay men, of course you are an example of this. It is not some sort of conspiracy theory or political thing either.

      In my decades an out bisexual man I have had nothing but acceptance, respect, and understanding as a bisexual man from most gay men and lesbians who I have met and who I’m friends with.

      This does not mean that there are not gay men and even lesbians out there, and even straight people who do not understand bisexuality.

      Bisexuals do not have a heterosexual privilege. This is a biphobic myth.

      I know gay men who stayed closeted for decades and married women, had kids, and they would say how they had heterosexual privilege and would brag about how they were in a celibate and sexless marriage yet their boss, kids, and everyone else thought they were “straight” because they were married to a woman.

      There are tons of Lesbians who were married or partnered to men in the past when they were closeted and not out.

      Both of these gay men and lesbians who stayed closeted and got married to the opposite sex have had heterosexual privilege.

      I’ve met some gay men who think that bisexuality does not exist because they think that gay men who never were or are/have been bisexual who were once married to women, came out as gay after they got a divorce.

      There is such an orientation as bisexual and from what I gather in my own experience with people, being bisexual is more difficult than being gay in many ways.

      Just because there are gay men who have mislabeled themselves as bisexual and they were afraid to come out as gay and stayed closeted, doesn’t mean real bisexuals like myself should have to put up with their ignorance.

      Look at the comments which come whenever there is a thread on bisexuality on various sites. The ignorance from some gay men, lesbians, as well as straight folk, regarding the topic of bisexuality is staggering.

      People rarely acknowledge the existence of bisexuality properly it’s either experimentation by future gay men of America or girls trying to make a straight guy hot, bi folk are told “not welcome here” by straight and gay people, it’s assumed that bisexual people do not marry/partner date or have relationships with people of the same sex at all, and when bi folk happen to marry or commit to someone of the opposite sex, it’s just assumed life is hunky dory and that the bisexual man or woman somehow becomes straight.

      MOST people who identify as Bisexual do so because they ARE Bisexual.

      Unfortunately after a while MANY people who ARE Bisexual give up and grudgingly identify as Lesbian, Gay or whatever because they get so tired of the endless whining of the PC Identity-police in the LGBT community. SOME people say they are Bisexual when they are first coming out because they are genuinely confused by the entire experience. A FEW people say they are Bisexual when they are first coming out because they are nervous and think it “sounds better”.

      There are also self-described gay men who are actually bisexual but don’t want to admit it. There are also self-described straight men who are bisexual but don’t want to admit it. It cuts both ways.

      People tell bi’s they don’t exist; they tell them it’s ok to question their sexuality; people tell bisexuals it’s a phase of experimentation or transition; people accuse them of heterosexual privilege; people don’t want to date them and the whole idea of it makes a lot of people uncomfortable.

      In fact, I would say that that there is a greater social stigma attached to a man declaring himself bisexual than gay.

      Using logic coupled with my own experience I shouldn’t trust people when they tell me they are gay or lesbian. Why? Because I have met MANY people who identified as gay or lesbian for periods of their lives and then realized they were bisexual.

      Gay Inc. wants to box men into the categories of “Gay” or “straight” when in reality human sexuality does not work this way at all.

      It is absolutely disrespectful to question a bisexual’s sexual orientation because you don’t understand bisexuality. Much the same way as gay men get fed up with being told they haven’t found the right woman and lesbians get told they haven’t found the right man and that deep down inside you both somehow really want sex or a relationship with the opposite gender when this is not true at all.

      There are some gay men who are highly bigoted towards bisexual men and they like to claim that it’s somehow possible for a woman to be bisexual but not for a man to be bisexual or that it’s very rare for a man to be bisexual.

      This is just as bad as when I’ve seen straight men tell gay men how deep down inside the gay man somehow wants pussy or hasn’t met the right woman yet. There are some lesbians who dislike bisexual women and trans women. These factors are also reasons why men and women who are bisexual yet call themselves gay or lesbian do not want to come out. It is not hate or bigotry to say how yes some gay men, lesbians, and straight people are biphobic. Biphobia is just as oppressive as Homophobia is.

      As for Heterosexual people they seem to think that male bisexuals are gay men when we’re not homosexual or gay at all, and if they’re a straight man they think that a bisexual woman is an invite to a 3 way with two women at the same time.

      The dirty little secret that never gets addressed in the so called “gay” world is the fact that many once gay identified men do go through a second coming out and re-identify as bisexual because they are actually/truly bisexual. These men may still overwhelmingly prefer men, but their orientation and identity are not exclusively towards men.

      With these male bisexuals their attractions to both sexes manifests differently as well. The ridiculous protest that “well sexual attraction to a woman just happened that one time, it doesn’t mean anything, it’s not going to happen again” belies the fact if you really were gay it wouldn’t have happened in the first place and to now assume that it would never happen again defies basic logic.

      If you know of the bear author/writer Ron Jackson Suresha who wrote the book Bears on bears, he once identified as a gay man but he discovered that he is actually bisexual and came out as a bisexual man.

      Jan 31, 2011 at 2:16 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • John
      John

      We should be congratulating this man on coming out as bisexual, not telling him that his sexuality does not exist, calling him a closet case, and being just as hypocritical as Republicans, “ex gay” groups, Conservative politicians, and “family” right wing groups who hate all GLBT people and wish that we did not exist or try to convince us that we do not with their “Ex gay” programs.

      Haven’t we as a “community” learned anything from the decades of hate and discrimination done to us?

      Or are we hypocritical enough to fight against homophobia and claim that “gay is good!” but ignore bisexuals, pretend that biphobia isn’t that bad or as devastating as homophobia is, and claim that bisexuality in men somehow does not exist?

      Congratulations on coming out as bisexual Ryan. I’m a bisexual man and yes it is entirely possible to be bisexual and male.

      Next time you are in State College, PA go to the LGBT center on campus. When I was a student at Penn State I found them to be very helpful and understanding about bisexuality.

      Jan 31, 2011 at 12:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • John
      John

      No I never met Ryan while I was at Penn State and I graduated in ’05. It’s a very large university with lots of students. I did not get involved in the PSU Paranormal Research Society club and I doubt I would have had time for it. I was very busy taking classes, working, writing papers, studying, learning, and hanging out with friends and I only got involved with a few student run groups such as the GLBT student organization and the PSU Wildlife society. I’d show up for meetings when I wasn’t busy with everything I mentioned before.

      Jan 31, 2011 at 12:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ethan
      Ethan

      @Qubified:
      I like your last sentence lol. I’m generally accepting and respectful of other peoples feelings and people act one way because we are so used to labeling each other. I’m a gay guy, I’m not out to my family and I’m starting to truly become comfortable with myself and embrace who I am.

      Oct 4, 2011 at 2:05 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • FRANKOUS
      FRANKOUS

      It’s hard for a real gay man or person, to understand the feelings of a “bi” person, when they are with another man. We are cut from the same cloth, whereas you call the “girl” in your life a “girlfriend” we gay men simply call her a “fag hag”. But us gay man can never trully understand the mind of a bisexual male, simple because we are NOT bisexual, and we have never had anytype of sex with a woman, and that is where the line is drawn. Who cares if Ryan is bisexual? Who cares if he is with a man right now instead of a woman…?? Let him live his life and we can leave our own… I admire him for many reasons. First reason is: COURAGE.

      Oct 23, 2011 at 3:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sandy k
      sandy k

      To claim that bisexuals have NO “Heterosexual Priviledge”, is as ludicrous as claiming racism doesn’t exist!
      Bisexuals have a CHOICE that gays and lesbians DON’T HAVE. They CAN conform to the prevailing social norms, if they CHOOSE too, or HAVE too, with little effort. (Who has it easier living under Sharia law in an Islamic country, a bisexual man who can CHOOSE to conform, or a gay man who is FORCED to pretend too, under penalty of death?)
      And in our own society, bisexual men have often colluded with our enemies against us (Sen. Larry Craig, Bish. Eddie Long, Rev. Ted Haggard, Rep. Robert Bauman, to name a few).
      No doubt many of the SUCCESSFUL “Ex-Gays”, are infact bisexuals. Who’ve allowed themselves to be USED by the Christian Right to PROVE of their assertion that homosexuality is a “Choice”! (And these Bi’s may infact believe it, because for them IT WAS A CHOICE!).
      I DO believe bisexuals exist. But I also believe they are as likely to be our friends, as our ENEMIES, based solely on what is most EXPEDIENT for them at any given time!

      Apr 20, 2012 at 1:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • David
      David

      Sandy K STFU you’re a bigot. Bisexual men are not the enemy and don’t collude with conservatives or the right. The idea that bisexuals have hetero privilege and that gay men and lesbians do not is laughable. Most gay men and lesbians worldwide are not out, and are married to the opposite gender and nobody is claiming that gay men and lesbians get hetero privilege.

      Ex-Gay people are not bisexuals but are actually gay men and lesbians who are brainwashed into believing that they can no longer be gay or lesbian if they go through therapy and become ultra-religious and a Fundamentalist Christian. It’s like a cult.

      There have been tons of closeted gay men including Roy Cohn, J. Edgar Hoover, and Joseph McCarthy were all against GLBT people and were all closeted gay men yet you say nothing of them.

      Bishop Eddie Long is a ped0 and a closeted gay man. Everyone here in ATL knows it and has known it for awhile now.

      Take your bigotry against bisexual men somewhere else. It’s not wanted here and you’re not for LGBT equality at all.

      May 4, 2012 at 3:29 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • anonymous38104
      anonymous38104

      ghost hunter arrested for beating a woman!
      http://www.abc24.com/news/local/story/Mid-South-Ghost-Hunter-Charged-with-Domestic/cCHakklu70qDy1D7axJHkA.cspx#.UGTraRo-l3w.pinterest

      Jan 9, 2013 at 12:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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