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Parents Who Reluctantly Decide to Accept Son’s Gayness Can’t Deal With Him Being A Slutty Gay

What to do when you do your own gay college student son a solid and pretend to accept him for who he is, and then realize he’s going to be a sexually active queer? Write to newspaper columnists, of course.

“Heartbroken Parents” write in to Mississippi’s Sun-Herald requesting advice on what to do about putting him on the path to a “moral lifestyle.” Older men and HIV ahead!

Our son, “Colin,” is 19 years old and a sophomore in college. He was always helpful and a good student. Last spring, Colin became rude and condescending. We found out he was living with a 33-year-old man who is infected with HIV. This man was controlling and used sexual blackmail to keep Colin in line. We finally got our son back home, but it was a long, difficult summer.

When Colin announced that he was gay, my husband and I sought advice from several clergy. Most of them said to turn our backs on him until he asked for our forgiveness for living sinfully. We decided instead to take the advice of our priest, who said to accept his orientation, hard as that has been.

All we’ve asked of Colin is that he do well in school, get a job to help pay off the legal bills that resulted from extricating him from his previous relationship and not be sexually promiscuous. Colin contracted various STDs and should avoid sexual contact anyway. Our requests seemed reasonable to us.

Unfortunately, when Colin returned to school, he became sexually involved with at least two different men and even asked to bring one home for the holidays. Of course, we said no.

We could live with his orientation if he would live a moral lifestyle. So far, he has not tested positive for HIV, although that is still a worry. We have told him we will not pay any more medical bills, since we can’t afford it. From the horrible way he treats us, I regret that we were so kind to him over the summer. Counseling didn’t help him see the error of his ways. He is a bad influence on his little sister. How should we handle this?

Responds Annie, the newspaper’s advice columnist:

We know Colin’s sexuality is disturbing to you, but try to separate his orientation from his impulsive lifestyle. He is 19 and living away from home for the first time. In college, many children, gay or straight, become sexually active. Unfortunately, some also are promiscuous, drink too much, do drugs, engage in risky behaviors and otherwise behave like wild animals let loose. Most kids settle down eventually, and the hope is that they don’t do any permanent damage in the interim. Please contact PFLAG (pflag.org) for some emotional support and practical suggestions.

If that doesn’t work, I know a number of ex-gay summer camps we could ship him off to. Just let me know if you need a number! Maybe Andrew Shirvell’s?

By:           Max Simon
On:           Jan 26, 2011
Tagged: , , ,

  • 70 Comments
    • randy
      randy

      I suppose if he were straight and sexually active, the parents would just look the other way.

      The shocking thing is that several clergy advised that they basically disown their son until he sort of comes around. That’s emotional blackmail, and those clergy should be called out.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 11:29 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Franco
      Franco

      Their fears are justified. It would be difficult for any Christian family to understand their child’s homosexuality and then be confronted with the realities of it. It must have been shocking to learn that he was dating an 33-year-old HIV+ man. I would have been worried too. I appreciate that the advice columnist asked the parents to separate his orientation and risky behaviour, citing that many individuals who attend college engage in sexual activity. Unfortunately for many parents of faith, they often take the bad advice given to them by ignorant clergy. I hope they do the right thing.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 12:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Adam
      Adam

      The kid is a jerk and the parents are right to make demands on his stankin ass before he ends up dead. Since his parents are/were footing the medical bills, if he’s not at least partially contributing to the care of his own problems, they should enact harsher penalties and/or procedures until he wakes up. Unfortunately for him, at 19, he is considered an adult and should take responsibility for his actions and “lifestyle.”

      Jan 26, 2011 at 12:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • tallskin2
      tallskin2

      Jeeeeez, and the religious nutters on these boards wonder why I am so anti-religion, so anti christianity!!!!

      For the phrase “parents of faith” read skypixie worshipping nutters and bigots.

      For “clergy” read skypixie shamans of a death cult

      Jan 26, 2011 at 12:16 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • divkid
      divkid

      oh, am i being a quisling to think that this kids folks sound really nice people, looking out for their sons health — with good reason — and trying to tread the tolerant path of acceptance through a maze of religious bigotry, that they’ve suddenly found themselves trapped in too; of course, they’re not there yet.

      they sound bewildered and shell-shocked now, but i get the feeling this will come out well; and that they’ll fully come to terms with the identity of a son they clearly love.

      kudos to the advice columnist however. and how edifying was that advice from the “good” priest: thats progress.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 12:32 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Francis
      Francis

      “We could live with his orientation if he would live a moral lifestyle.”

      Yeah, like the parents have the choice to accept the fact he’s gay. UM NEWSFLASH: HE’S GAY.

      Also, not surprised most of the clergy told the parents to effectively disown the kid. Anti-gay religious folk hate gay people and hate anything connected to “gayness” in every way, and feel entitled in doing so. They would rather see gay people dead and on the streets than loving them or supporting them.

      Ultimately, the kid is 19, it’s his life, he’s in college. They can’t separate his behavior from his sexuality, that’s their own problem. They don’t realize that, yeah, he’s not on the best of paths, but their own homophobia is a large part of the reason. If they would *actually* support him in who he is, he may actually listen to them.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 12:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Priscilla Queen of the Jungle
      Priscilla Queen of the Jungle

      At least A WHOLE TWO sexual partners during sophomore year?

      His boy-vag must be stretched out beyond repair; po thang.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 12:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Priscilla Queen of the Jungle
      Priscilla Queen of the Jungle

      *sarcasm* btw

      Jan 26, 2011 at 12:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Atheism is as abusive as homophobia
      Atheism is as abusive as homophobia

      for the phrase “tallskin2″ read “hypocritical bigot”

      for “anti-religion” read “consumed with hate and ego”

      Jan 26, 2011 at 12:49 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Soupy
      Soupy

      Now, no name calling please!

      Jan 26, 2011 at 12:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • kayla
      kayla

      If my son was a whore, I’d be worried too, gay or straight…Why is it that people who whore around now think they have some right to be respected for their slutty behavior….? I’m sorry, I don’t respect sluts………Is the right to be respected for whoring around going to be the new Civil Rights issue…You can be a whore, just don’t expect people with certain moral standards to cheer you on…sorry…..

      Jan 26, 2011 at 1:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jamie
      Jamie

      Well, for all of “Collin’s” sexual mis-be-gettin’, we’ve overlooked one major fact: he was responsible enough with that dirty “HIV infected” 33-year-old to use a condom!

      Sounds like the ‘rents are a bit too stuck on the sex part of homosexual, and frankly if it were a 33-year-old cougar going after their boy, they’d be whole lot more accepting. Maybe turning to every religious nut for advice has something to do with that.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 1:07 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • tallskin2
      tallskin2

      KAYLA – I suppose you’re coming at this from the perspective of a religious nutter ??

      Yes?

      What the fucking hell does “Moral Standards” mean?

      How is a 19 year boy rebelling against his parents’ religious values “whoring”?

      And I really don’t see that being a slut of a whore is a bad thing when young, if one is careful about using a condom.

      It may come as a surprise to christians, muslims, jews but sex is great fun and should be celebrated (and you should try it sometime, kayla).

      Jan 26, 2011 at 1:12 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Zeus
      Zeus

      Yea I would be worried if my son OR daughter was being sexually promiscuous. Obviously this kid isn’t being that careful when it comes to condoms and whatnot. Also, son OR daughter, I wouldn’t want my teenage child living with a 33 year old man, and if I knew they had HIV as well I wouldn’t want them there either. Clearly this kid is not being safe so why would you want them possibly exposed to that? It’s not the same thing as being an adult (which this kid clearly is not) and coming to face that you or your partner has HIV. Most likely this kid is being a stereotypical bitchy slut who is using his sexuality to lash out against what he feels is a repressive lifestyle onset by his parents.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 1:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • randy
      randy

      I’m not surprised that the kid might be hostile to his parents. They sound like morality pricks and he’s probably fed up with it. Additionally, they refuse to allow him to bring a boyfriend home for a visit. I’d be pissy too, and probably a little hostile.

      They can mandate separate bedrooms, but what are they going to do when the kid gets out of college and has a boyfriend? Still refuse to meet anyone? And I love how they regret so much “being nice” to him over the summer. Is that any way for a parent to talk? Frankly, I’m not sure they were so nice when they insisted that he move out.

      I agree — the kid probably needs some growing up to do. But he should be able to rely on his parents to help him do that. Instead, they are part of the problem.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 1:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • kayla
      kayla

      @tallskin2: As I stated you have the right to be a whore, let me add that you have the right to believe that being a whore is fine…..However, I and others (including the parents of this guy), have the right to think less of you for it…..As for me being a ” religious nutter”, well I suppose that’s a matter of opinion……….I certainly won’t argue that sex isn’t great fun…I just happen to believe it’s not just that…..

      Jan 26, 2011 at 1:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • tallskin2
      tallskin2

      Look folks, this boy is 19 years old

      – and obviously he is doing at age 19 what he should’ve been doing at age 15, but couldn’t at age 15 because of his arsehole religious parents.

      If the religious advice offered to the parents is to turn their backs on him then what the frack would these same holy men have advised if the boy had been caught having gay sex at age 15? “Throw the boy out.”

      As far as I can see it’s the fault of all that religious oppression/ self-oppression (mixed with self hatred due to his serious religious upbringing) that is causing him to go wild now.

      And, by the way, I like the sensible comments offered by the advice column.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 1:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Adam
      Adam

      @randy: How are they part of the problem? He is obviously irresponsible in that he has contracted multiple STD’s and doesn’t seem to have school as a priority if he’s shacking up with some 30-something. And his parents were paying for his medical bills (and probably his counseling sessions) and supporting him, which they can no longer afford. He also has legal bills he needs to take care of. They are being as supportive as highly religious parents can be, but this boy is abusing that support. They could’ve disowned him, but luckily for him they found that unthinkable.

      They have every right to make certain demands on him if they are financially supporting him and he is not completely independent. I totally support the parents in this matter.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 1:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • tallskin2
      tallskin2

      @ADAM you ask: “How are they part of the problem?”

      I’ve already partly answered the question above.

      But, the religious indoctrination they put the boy through as he grew up has filled the boy with the sense that being gay is wrong – witness the advice the parents say they received from the shamans they sought advice from (a religion full of love, eh?)

      Filled full of self loathing he has suddenly been freed and gone on a binge at university, to make up for lost time.

      So, to spell it out in simple terms for you- the parents ARE the problem in that they obviously filled the boy’s head full of religious homophobic ideas that resulted in him being filled full of self hatred, which has resulted in this current, seemingly, bad behaviour.

      And for the parents then to present themselves as helpful, loving parents, when, as you can read, they still show no respect for the boy, but want him to be straight (that’s what “moral” means to these skypixie worshipping child abusing nutters) is utterly nauseating.

      It’s like the Oh-so-fucking-pious christians we see on tv who talk softly about love and then say how much they hate homosexuality.

      I’d take a cricket bat to the bastards (metaphorically speaking) and give them a verbal bashing if they were in front of me now).

      Bringing up kids with skypixie nonsense is child abuse and for gay kids doubly so.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 2:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • kayla
      kayla

      @tallskin2: So the word “moral” means straight…? Wow, you certainly must have the gift of divination! However, as a believer in the “skypixie” let me just say, that I certainly don’t think one has to be heterosexual to be moral, and I don’t think that this young man’s parents think that either….I do however believe sex belongs within the bounds of marriage….shoot me!! I would however respect couples who aren’t married but are in committed monogamous relationships…..

      Jan 26, 2011 at 2:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • tallskin2
      tallskin2

      Kayla. what are you Cassandra???

      I don’t think moral means straight. I thought it was quite clear that I said the holy parents think moral=straight for their gay son.

      But if you’ve been reading your particular holy book and its fucked your ability to think and read clearly, that’s not my problem

      Jan 26, 2011 at 2:49 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Adam
      Adam

      @tallskin2: I disagree. It sounds like the parents accept their son being gay, which they made clear. Out of concern, exasperation, desperation, whatever, they don’t want him engaging in a promiscuous lifestyle, given what it has already done to him (and them as they try to care for him). I don’t buy this nonsense that they indoctrinated him and made him feel bad for being gay. This kid is just irresponsible. The parents are not the problem. Sorry.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 2:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Soupy
      Soupy

      I’m sure the parents would have less of a problem if he was banging every woman in university and had herpes. No advice needed there.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 3:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • kayla
      kayla

      @tallskin2: I won’t swear at you…just advise you to reread what you wrote to Adam at no19, particularly the following paragraph: “And for the parents then to present themselves as helpful, loving parents, when, as you can read, they still show no respect for the boy, but want him to be straight (that’s what “moral” means to these skypixie worshipping child abusing nutters) is utterly nauseating.”

      I truly don’t believe that I’ve misconstrued your contention that persons of faith think moral = heterosexual….I am however, willing to be disabused….

      Jan 26, 2011 at 3:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DR
      DR

      So basically what we have is a family which is rightfully annoyed that their son has done the following:

      1. Possibly wrecked (or at least seriously interfered with) his education to live with an HIV+ man 15 years older than himself.

      2. Ended up with significant legal bills as a result of that relationship.

      3. Has contracted multiple STDs

      4. May not have gotten a job to help his parents pay off his legal bills.

      5. Continues to amass medical bills the family can’t afford and probably doesn’t have a job to help with those either.

      6. His sister is learning from him.

      7. Oh, and this was AFTER his parents decided to ignore the advice to cast their son out and took the proper Christian advice and helped their son, tried to get him help when he was being emotionally blackmailed and provided him the financial assistance to get him out of a bad relationship.

      And the best advice this columnist can give is to “call PFLAG”?!? Where’s the accountability on the 19 year-old’s part? I not so sure I would willingly bail him out of all this any more either. He’s clearly not mature enough to be sexually active if he can’t find a job, pay his own medical bills and treats his family like this.

      To suggest this is all about “his gayness” is absurd. This so-called adult sounds like a punk.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 3:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Giovannidude
      Giovannidude

      The advice from the Mississippi newspaper columnist was enlightened and reasonable.

      If the parents had just sent this kid to summer camp or boarding school, he probably would not have come out in college with such a bang (sorry, now you will think I have a dirty mind LOL). A religious camp in the South, where girls are barred to keep temptation away, might have been just the ticket for this kid, from some of the stories I’ve heard (and those kids would never admit to anything afterwards, because they knew what their parents were like, and the parents automatically would believe their son’s denials anyway, so everything would be cool).

      In one story I heard, a gung-ho religious kid who threatened to blow the whistle on the many boys who were doing things with each other was “persuaded” to keep his mouth shut. And everything was fine.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 3:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • priscilla queen of the jungle
      priscilla queen of the jungle

      I can’t let the parents off the hook fully, though.

      For example, what does the following mean? “Colin…should avoid sexual contact anyway.”

      Would they say that if he were a strapping, straight 19-year-old college boy? One wonders.

      And the fact that they had to run to clergy to figure out what to do about a gay son tells me that they are not enlightened about homosexuality and they likely panicked and may have done and said things to their child that were damaging to their relationship. I speak from personal experience with my own folks who also ran to our priest–as well as a homophobic psychiatrist–for advice. And, boy, was I a resentful 19-year-old (also 19…another similarity I just noticed), resentful for the priest & shrink visits as well as many other things they said and did to me for some years until they, finally, have decided to simply not talk about it anymore.

      Granted, the son is not dealing with this well either, but I think some of that resentment is getting in his way. Thus, his “rude and condescending” behavior. (Which is also how I treated my parents when things were at their worst.)

      Jan 26, 2011 at 3:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JUSTICEONTHEROCKS
      JUSTICEONTHEROCKS

      @Atheism is as abusive as homophobia: Agreed.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 4:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DR
      DR

      @priscilla queen of the jungle:

      My guess is that they feel that since he has multiple STDs and exposed himself to HIV via an abuse relationship they had to bail him out of, they’d like to see him take a step back and a vacation from the behavior which got him into all his medical, emotional, and legal troubles in the first place. That’s hardly unreasonable based on his lack of maturity.

      It’s funny that you’d also point to the clergy, and yet the parents refused to accept the advice given to them by anyone but their own pastor, who told them to accept their son as he is. They refused to follow the advice of other ministers, who suggested they cast him away. Huh, fancy that. They ignored that and are attempting to deal with their son’s sexuality in the proper way.

      Sounds to me like they want to stop enabling his poor decisions and expect him to grow up and be a man if he insists on taking on a man’s responsibilities. This doesn’t qualify as a bad thing in my book.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 4:06 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jason
      jason

      I think it’s perfectly reasonable to separate sexual orientation from promiscuity in how one considers this issue. Sexual orientation is automatic and natural. Promiscuity, on the other hand, can be curtailed by choices.

      It will be tough for the gay man if he immerses himself in the commercial gay scene. The commercial gay scene is built on a sex act. If he immerses himself within this scene, he will be bombarded daily with unrealistic images of men’s torsos and good looks…all part of this appearance ethos which is used to market fantasy and make gay men part with their money.

      The gay scene is an appallingly appearance-based scene full of commercial exploitation of gay men who can afford to part with their dollars. It truly is one of the most atrocious scenes around.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 4:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Soupy
      Soupy

      If he had an STD from heterosexual sex and had 3 illegitimate children he’d be accepted, wouldn’t he?

      Jan 26, 2011 at 4:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Owen
      Owen

      @DR: *standing ovation*

      You hit everything on the head.

      Well, almost everything – I didn’t think the PFLAG advice was that bad.

      But holy hell at people taking the kid’s side. He contracted a bunch of STD’s! I’d be threatening my kid too, if I were the parents.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 4:29 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • priscilla queen of the jungle
      priscilla queen of the jungle

      @DR:

      It did cross my mind that maybe the no sex thing was STD-related (it could’ve been worded more clearly in the piece).

      I just saw too many parallels to ignore in this story compared with my own bad story. So I inferred the worst. That’s the thing with a short sketch of an article like this one: we don’t have the full story. So you could very well be on target. Your guess is as good as mine, I think :)

      Jan 26, 2011 at 4:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Adam
      Adam

      @DR: Well, thank you for basically repeating what I said from the beginning in your post #25.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 4:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Giovannidude
      Giovannidude

      If this kid was straight and banging chicks, nobody would be saying a word, no matter how many STDs he collected, no matter how much HIV exposure he had, no matter how much money his parents had to shell out because of legal threats due to illegitimate children or pregnancies.

      Because the fact is, regardless of how irresponsible this kid is, if he were straight, nobody would be saying a word.

      That’s because there is a double-standard. Everybody knows it, but nobody wants to admit it.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 5:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Adam
      Adam

      @Giovannidude: What planet are you living on? Any responsible parent that loved and cared for their child wouldn’t want him/her to go down this path, regardless of orientation.

      I honestly cannot believe people are playing the gay card, here. Completely ridiculous and uncalled for.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 6:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JUSTICEONTHEROCKS
      JUSTICEONTHEROCKS

      @tallskin2: “And I really don’t see that being a slut of a whore is a bad thing when young.”

      Stay classy.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 7:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DR
      DR

      @priscilla queen of the jungle:

      Agreed. I can only make reasonable inferences from the column… and these parents hardly seem to harbor outrageous expectations.

      @Soupy: @Giovannidude:

      Bull. I know many families who would have exactly the same reactions regardless of the child’s sexual orientation. Irresponsibility knows no sexual orientation, and I bet these parents would be even more annoyed if kids were involved because they’d have to pick up the bill for that since their son doesn’t sound like he wants to get a job!

      Jan 26, 2011 at 8:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Joey
      Joey

      @Owen: “But holy hell at people taking the kid’s side. He contracted a bunch of STD’s! I’d be threatening my kid too, if I were the parents.”

      Many homersuckshulls, esp those of a certain generation–I’m talking those in their 40s and older–grew up dominated by fear and shame, with the predictable results on their psychology, to wit: rebellion against the values and authorities of their upbringing, manifested in irresponsible behavior, with disastrous consequences, including but not limited to having an entire generation decimated by AIDS.

      Rather than face this reality, they cultivate an elective affinity for those, such as this poor misguided kid a generation later, who are making similarly poor choices. This is easier for them than looking in a mirror, and taking a merciless self-inventory of their good and poor choices over a lifetime.

      Had they done so, they might then, rather than take the self-serving path of seeking validation in this kid, take the nobler path of saying to the kid, “It’s early enough to get you on a healthy track, but fact is, right now you’re fucking up.”

      Jan 26, 2011 at 9:06 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mitchell
      Mitchell

      What the fuck does the title of this article have to do with the story?! Also, what the fuck was that first sentence supposed to say? Geez, get your shit together queerty.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 9:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sokablamo
      sokablamo

      @kayla: When it comes to dealing with ‘sluts’ and ‘whores’, I try and take the response that Jesus gave “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” And then gently and quietly say to them, “Go and sin no more.”

      This applies to addressing my own behavior as well as that of other people. Because I think it points out, that it is our own sin and self-hatred that leads us to be so cruel to those we deem less moral than ourselves.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 4:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Viktor
      Viktor

      @DR: Hear hear, I mean if he acted at least somewhat responsibly in some situations (because he is in college, he can’t help getting laid <333) I think that his parents would open up more to his sexual orientation and maybe help others in the same predicament. His parents are religious (and I have experience with this, and now I'm out =D) and sometimes it takes steps to fully accept their child, even though they probably still love him regardless after putting up with all that, I mean they're trying to be open and seek advice. They're worried and their kid's just being a dick.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 6:46 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • justiceontherocks
      justiceontherocks

      I’m a parent. An 18 year old college student living with the 33 year old (HIV+) or not, would concern me. That’s not a matter of religion, that’s just common sense.

      And when is Queerty going to put an end to the troll who has appropriated my screen name, which is copyrighted?

      Jan 27, 2011 at 8:06 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Blackmattachine
      Blackmattachine

      For those of you who like to read, try to round up a copy of “The Lord Won’t Mind”, by Gordon Merrick; also John Rechy’s “City of Night”, as well as “Numbers”. They may help you to learn something about growing up queer.

      Jan 28, 2011 at 3:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Brett
      Brett

      These people have every reason to be worried. They’ve accepted his homosexuality, and just want their son to have a stable, responsible existence. It sounds like he could be a good student and have a promising future if he would calm down. Of course they’re going to be worried after finding out he has been living with an *HIV positive* 33 year old! Do any of you have children? Seriously.

      I’ll bet if their son were dating someone his own age who was also doing well in school and going somewhere in life they would be happy for them. But no parent wants to see their kid throw away his future slutting it up, *catching* STDs, and being a general pain when they try to be helpful. Of course people with a religious background are going to have a hard time accepting homosexuality, but it looks like these parents are trying.

      Jan 28, 2011 at 4:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dramaticartchild
      Dramaticartchild

      I’m sorry. . .I don’t know any adult who can afford to pay medical bills without health insurance. . .considering what big pharma and the insurance industry have done to this country in the last few decades, it is near impossible to function without. Why don’t these people have insurance? That’s my question. And hun . . .19 year olds ain’t adults. legally, sort of. . .in reality. . .have you been on a college campus lately?

      Jan 30, 2011 at 2:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981
      Shannon1981

      These people sound a lot like my parents. Mississippi? Not surprised. I am from SC. And the first thing my parents did when they figured out I might be gay was send me to Conversion Therapy and consult religious nuts on what to do about me.

      The kid’s a slut, sure. But what 19 year old isn’t. Is his behavior irresponsible? Yes, it is. Are the parents right to be worried? Yes, they are, but they aren’t worried for the right reasons. If he was banging some hot cougar they’d look the other way. That would be moral, you see.

      Jan 30, 2011 at 4:10 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Atheism like homophobia is a prejudice
      Atheism like homophobia is a prejudice

      The amount of violent atheism on this site is sickening. Why can’t you all leave this poor young man and his family alone so that they have the time to heal!Unlike you atheists Christians are to magnify the glory of the cross by letting ourselves go so it can reflect in us and on us.Jesus does not require PR-new or otherwise-from human beings. His statement was made on the cross and that’s about all that goes with it.You can’t imagine for one second that there are people out there who really just love God and other people enough to tell the truth. THAT’S IGNORANCE.

      Jan 30, 2011 at 5:08 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ogre Magi
      Ogre Magi

      @kayla: I think some of us know a little bit more about people like this than you do!

      Jan 30, 2011 at 5:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Soupy
      Soupy

      Atheism, you are making the same post in multiple threads. Are you an adbot?

      Jan 30, 2011 at 5:38 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Atheism like homophobia is a prejudice
      Atheism like homophobia is a prejudice

      @Soupy: No, I am someone with the courage to stand up to hypocritical bigots like “tallskin2″ read “John 3-16″

      Jan 30, 2011 at 5:43 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Devon
      Devon

      @Atheism like homophobia is a prejudice:

      “THAT’S IGNORANCE.”

      I couldn’t agree more.

      Jan 30, 2011 at 5:46 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • justiceontherocks
      justiceontherocks

      @Atheism like homophobia is a prejudice: What in the blue hell is courageous about being an anonymous poster typing in mindless hollow platitudes? The only hypocrite I see on here is you, with your constant name-calling of people who disagree with you in any way.

      At one time your posts were mildly amusing in a kind of “this is how people who drank the Kool-Aid think” sort of way. No more. You are a tedious bore. You never have anything good to say about anything or anyone. So would you please take your depressing unintelligent self and find some other blog to be annoying on?

      Jan 30, 2011 at 5:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Atheism like homophobia is a prejudice
      Atheism like homophobia is a prejudice

      @Devon: Thank you!

      Jan 30, 2011 at 5:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981
      Shannon1981

      @Atheism like homophobia is a prejudice: Not believing in your version of a higher power isn’t a prejudice. Most of us here who might spout off about the anti gay agenda of some Christians(notice I said some, not all) do so because we have experienced great pain at the hands of fundamentalists, right in our own families and communities. We grew up in environments(not speaking for everyone,just myself) where our very existence was hated and devalued, all in the name of your God. How are we supposed to feel? Are we supposed to embrace your religion, just because you say so? Oh, and Bible verses mean nothing to people who don’t take that book as truth. Using religious rhetoric to prove points completely discredits you with non believers. I’ll take logic over fairy tales any day, thank you.

      Jan 30, 2011 at 5:58 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Soupy
      Soupy

      I’ve never quite understood how the answer to religious tolerance is a full on attack on atheism.

      Jan 30, 2011 at 6:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981
      Shannon1981

      @Soupy: Neither have I. I wonder which one they want to be today, pot or kettle? Doesn’t matter to me, they’re both black.

      Jan 30, 2011 at 6:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • di99340e
      di99340e

      Shannon1981

      “Not believing in your version of a higher power isn’t a prejudice.”

      That is not the point being made. However, labeling most of humanity as inferior to yourself, mentally ill, a threat to humanity, evil, etc – as atheists here routinely do

      that is prejudice.

      Deciding that an entire group of people are wrong about their own experiences is prejudice – when homophobes do it to GLBTQ people, and when atheists do it to people of faith. And the only thing atheism has is it rejection of the experiences and testimony of most of humanity.

      Why not be honest and address the real challenge to atheism, instead of using strawman arguments?

      “Most of us here who might spout off about the anti gay agenda of some Christians(notice I said some, not all)”

      You said some, but, your peers here consistently blame all people of faith, including those who are working to end anti-gay theology.

      ” . . do so because we have experienced great pain at the hands of fundamentalists, right in our own families and communities.”

      The irony is that homophobes routinely say ‘we have experienced great pain at the hands of homosexuals’ to justify their prejudice.

      “We grew up in environments(not speaking for everyone,just myself) where our very existence was hated and devalued, all in the name of your God. How are we supposed to feel?”

      You are supposed to differentiate between destructive ideas, actions, and behaviors, and people. You are supposed to recognize the incredible diversity of religious belief, and among religious people, and target your criticism solely at the people and ideas that harm you.

      But instead, you and your peers lash out at all people of faith, inclusively, even though every day, more and more people of faith repudiate anti-gay theology and work to end its impact on society, even though the majority of all work on civil rights has been done by people of faith.

      “Are we supposed to embrace your religion, just because you say so?”

      If you wish to be believed about your own life, your own experiences, including your sexuality, then you most believe others when they testify about their experiences of the Divine. Just as accepting the testimony of GLBTQ people about their lives does not require any heterosexual to become homosexual, accepting the testimony of people of faith about God does not require any atheist to embrace religion.

      Frankly, buried in your whine is the same accusation that homophobes make – that acceptance of something requires participating in it.

      “Oh, and Bible verses mean nothing to people who don’t take that book as truth.”

      And the testimony of GLBTQ people means nothing to homophobes.

      “Using religious rhetoric to prove points completely discredits you with non believers.”

      Dismissing religion completely discredits you and your peers in the eyes of people of faith. So, 1% of humanity refuses to believe the other 99%, who return the favor. How exactly does that help anyone?

      And when atheists co-opt gay rights to wage war on Christians, their refusal to believe people of faith gives homophobes the excuse to continue to refuse to believe GLBTQ people. Who benefits from that stalemate?

      “I’ll take logic over fairy tales any day, thank you.”

      Ah, but atheism is not based on logic, and religion is not fairy tales. But your fallacious assertion is prejudice.

      Jan 30, 2011 at 7:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • di99340e
      di99340e

      justiceontherocks

      You’ve fallen for the spoofer, again.

      “What in the blue hell is courageous about being an anonymous poster typing in mindless hollow platitudes?”

      The same question applies to your posts, justiceontherocks.

      “The only hypocrite I see on here is you, with your constant name-calling of people who disagree with you in any way.”

      Please take down the mirror next to your monitor.

      “At one time your posts were mildly amusing in a kind of “this is how people who drank the Kool-Aid think” sort of way.”

      You have confused the spoofer above with me – the person who used to post under Cassandra, but because of the frequent spoof posts put by atheists under that id, I’ve begun switching ids on a randomish basis.

      Of course, your comment above is a verbose form of name-calling, another example hypocrisy on your part.

      “No more. You are a tedious bore.”

      More hypocrisy.

      “You never have anything good to say about anything or anyone.”

      And some more hypocrisy.

      “So would you please take your depressing unintelligent self and find some other blog to be annoying on?”

      And a grand finale of hypocrisy.

      Being verbally abusive, and not engaging in critical thinking enough to see that the person posting as “Atheism like homophobia is a prejudice” is not helping you prove that atheism is not a prejudice.

      “And when is Queerty going to put an end to the troll who has appropriated my screen name,”

      Not so funny when it happens to you, eh? Someone among your peers made a mess of things. But then, breaking down social trust is an intrinsic consequence of atheism.

      Jan 30, 2011 at 7:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Spoofing is for people who are incapable of honesty
      Spoofing is for people who are incapable of honesty

      The spoofer does have a point though.

      Tallskin2, and his/her peers here, are hypocrites when they malign and vilify people of faith, and then complain about anti-gay prejudice and anti-gay theology.

      Tallskin2 and company have no respect for people of faith, but demand respect for themselves. They complain vociferously about anti-gay hate speech, but post anti-people of faith hate speech on a regular basis.

      Of course, homophobes engage in the exact same hypocrisy – complaining when they are criticized and rebuked, but vomiting up hate speech on GLBTQ people without end.

      I’ve said it over and over again, though I’m not the only one. All prejudices, racism, homophobia, sexism, and atheism, are the same basic thing, only the target of the contempt and malice changes. When we nurture any prejudice, we nurture all of them.

      Jan 30, 2011 at 7:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • TheRealAdam
      TheRealAdam

      @Shannon1981: Thank you for post #55. Oh, and try to ignore that windbag from this point on.

      Jan 30, 2011 at 8:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981
      Shannon1981

      @TheRealAdam: You are most welcome. And I’ve been reading here for quite some time, though I rarely post, but am feeling more chatty today. I recognize the screen names of windbags. But sometimes its really hard to keep my mouth when they spew so much BS.

      Jan 30, 2011 at 8:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • William
      William

      @tallskin2:
      True Christianity is seldom displayed on this board or any other.
      Please don’t confuse those who call themselves Christian and act in an un christ like way. God is about love not hate.
      Had their son been straight I seriously doubt if there would have been any problem at all.

      Jan 30, 2011 at 9:46 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • William
      William

      @Soupy:
      Agreed

      Jan 30, 2011 at 9:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Soupy
      Soupy

      A singular obsession. Whoever this poster is, they post on no other subject but the “prejudice” of atheism. It seems now that incipient mania is present and a further splintering of identities.

      Jan 30, 2011 at 11:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Doug
      Doug

      @<a href="#commWhy are you surprised the church in the south told the parents to turn thier back on a gay son? The church has taught people to make outcast of people ever since there has been a church

      Jan 31, 2011 at 2:54 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • justnow
      justnow

      @Priscilla Queen of the Jungle: after the HIV thing though

      Feb 1, 2011 at 7:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • justnow
      justnow

      @Adam: THX!!!!!!!!!!!! Adam!!!!! jeez….. some dont see that.
      @DR: And I guess you have a PHD, deservedly so(not sarcasm)
      @jason: Wonderful Jason
      @Owen: Thx and saying this “if he were heterosexual” BS…..

      Feb 1, 2011 at 9:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Matthew Loscialo
      Matthew Loscialo

      Here a great gay social/support group for the glbt people around hunterdon county as we have people who drive out side of hunterdon county to come to the glbt of hunterdon county social/support group. It open to Gay,Lesbian,Bisexual,Teens,Adults,their friends parents,family members.
      as we have parent and staff and other people who what to help out the glbt support group that come to the social/support.

      OCT 11,2011 is National Coming Out Day(NCOD)

      Date and time:

      Next Meeting is OCT 11, 2011 (Tue) 7PM to 9PM

      Quest Speaker:
      Ashley Planned Parent Hood. 7:30pm-9pm
      general meeting/socialization with potential for dinner at local diner

      Place:
      NORTH COUNTY BRANCH OF THE
      HUNTERDON COUNTY LIBRARY
      65 Halsted Street, Clinton,NJ 08809

      for other upcoming social/support group go to http://www.glbtofhunterdoncountyofnj.com/

      For November check web site we having a good guest speaker.

      NOV Guest Speaker is Rob De Anthony

      First and foremost let us introduce ourselves to you! We are the board of directors of Our Youth and we are writing in regards to our non profit organization and your great company.

      Our Youth is a non profit organization designed to help gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and straight youth (ranging from 15-21) in the New York / New Jersey area. Our Youth assists the young adults with job placement, college assistants, offering FREE & confidential HIV testing referrals as well as home cooked meals and a weekly support group. Besides providing services within the Our Youth Center we are also out in the community feeding the homeless, walking to find a cure for a certain disease, as well as volunteering at any event we are needed.

      Hunterdon county of nj is a very gay friendly place to life there lot of gay parents who have gay children and are doing great live here. There alot of great thing to do here in hunterdon county nj.

      The support group and social group is great alot of member come and talk with each and somee play board games and other talk with other the room at the library very big some time when we have a guest speaker some play board game at the other side of the room and other talk with other and other listen to the quest speaker. I have been get lot of e-mail and thanks from high school to college and to parents and the young adults who come to this social/support and are very happy there a place to go to each month check us out some time.

      Sep 24, 2011 at 3:16 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Little Kiwi
      Little Kiwi

      you gotta love how parents say “Help! We’re not a fan of gays and now our son is seeking to fill a void in his life through illicit sinful sex and likely drugs and how on EARTH did this happen?”

      Simple. You guys made him feel worthless and he’s seeking solace anywhere else he can find it. It’s your own fault. Kudos.

      Sep 24, 2011 at 3:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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