“It’s not neat and clean and tidy,” Mennonite pastor Pieter Niemeyer says of his decision to come out after 20 years of lying to his wife, and a lifetime of lying to himself.
That’s putting it lightly.
Related: Pastor Single-Handedly Saves Church. Oh, He’s Gay? He’s Fired!
Mennonites are mostly old-fashioned, which is a nice way of saying bigoted and intolerant.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
But that seems to be changing. One renegade Mennonite church in Canada even married a gay couple in 2015.
As for Pieter and his wife Susie, the two plan to stay married despite the revelation.
Related: Four Tips For Antigay Pastors Worried About Getting Outed On Grindr
“It is what it is,” he continues, as oddly ominous music plays in the background, adding “everyone navigates their sexual attraction.”
Pieter says he advocates for full inclusion of LGBTQ people within his church, including marriage.
Watch more below, in a segment bizarrely titled “Heaven or Hell”:
Christian Scott Thomas
puhlease…you know how many of him are around???
Sebastian Holiday
Mmm. Run woman run! (I mean his wife.)
Robert Pulkkis
Bryguyf69
Many gays may see staying with his wife as timidity or semi-homophobic but I think it’s fine. Gays, of all people, should realize that love is distinct from sex and sexual attraction. That means one could be in love with someone s/he is no longer attracted to. Many elderly couples have lost any desire for sex yet are still very much in love. I’ve always thought that if I should ever discover that I’m gay, I’ll probably remain with my present girlfriend (if she’s willing). Not only am I in love with her, but she is also my best friend and confidante. Why would I want to give that up just so that I can have an orgasm?
Martin Talbot
Why waste her time if your gay ? Crazy !
Ben Stimpson
Wow Queerty the bigotry who ever wrote this shows… Since when did being uncompassionate douchebags become journalism. There are many gay men who, because of society and culture, couldn’t come out and had to get married. I have friends who had to do this. They genuinely love their wives, just not sexually, and to suddenly abandon said women after decades of marriage would be horrible. Also, not all Mennonites are bigoted, get your facts straight . the Mennonite central committee never proselatize and are on the ground in many countries and help settle refugees.
Michael Sofield
So let’s take stock of the situation. He’s finally found the courage to be honest with himself AND his wife. He clearly loves her, just maybe not in the same way she thought. But she’s apparently willing to stay in a companionate marriage, and they both seem happy that way. Meanwhile, he advocates for full inclusion of LGBTQ people in the Mennonite church.
I say good for him. If they’re both happy, that’s what is important.
Kangol
Um, OK, if it works for them and they negotiate each others’ needs, emotional, sexual and otherwise, why not?
DCguy
@Bryguyf69: Stated “Many gays may see staying with his wife as timidity or semi-homophobic but I think it’s fine. Gays, of all people, should realize that love is distinct from sex and sexual attraction.
and
@Ben Stimpson: stated “Wow Queerty the bigotry who ever wrote this shows… Since when did being uncompassionate douchebags become journalism. There are many gay men who, because of society and culture, couldn’t come out and had to get married.”
This is what I love about the apologists for the closet. Everything is centered on the one person. Oh poor him, the poor guy had to do this, and how dare you not expect him to stay.
What I notice is that any sympathy for the wife is absent. Love is outside of sexuality? Well I wonder if women out there would feel the same way if you asked them if they wanted to marry a guy with no interest in them and have a loving “Roomate” situation. Really nice.
1EqualityUSA
I really need to know what Jason Smeds, (Brian) would have to say about this. He is stalwart and ever-so-keen about such matters.
Sam Oropeza
If he’s happy, I’m happy, m m
Sansacro
@DCguy: Bro, one sexuality and identity does not fit all. Not everyone has sex, even in long-term relationships, esp as they get older. Some people are asexual. And not everyone is monogamous. You are not in the closet if you are open about your sexuality and attractions. As long as you don’t fight to take away others’ rights, you should live any way you want. End of story.
Sweetie Pie
So let’s take stock of the situation. He’s finally found the courage to be honest with himself AND his wife. He clearly loves her, just maybe not in the same way she thought. But she’s apparently willing to stay in a companionate marriage, and they both seem happy that way. Meanwhile, he advocates for full inclusion of LGBTQ people in the Mennonite church.
I say good for him. If they’re both happy, that’s what is important.
———————————————————————
@Michael Sofield: And while at that, he hook ups with guys on Grindr, Growlr, Manhunt or any other hook-up app or website.
It’s a win-win situation
Tobi
@1EqualityUSA: By the pricking of my thumbs…
billeetee
And very sadly what is going to happen here (and we’ve seen it time after time) is that a ‘special someone’ will come along and ‘muddy the water’. What then, wife?
1EqualityUSA
If we happened upon this woman walking on the beach, we’d think she was a sister. Maybe it goes both ways. Out of a room full of 200 people….
DCguy
@Sansacro:
So to cut through all of your B.S. once again, it’s ok for him to lie, it’s ok for him to go into a relationship with her where he isn’t attracted to her, and it doesn’t matter because, “Hey Bro, it’s all good.”k
And once again, as with all other defenders of the closet, I notice you leave out the fact that this has an effect on somebody else’s life. The wife.
Jer955
Yeah. I doubt they are not going to last. They look young. What, early 40’s? To stay together with one another is just sad. She, I’m sure is destroyed. Every time he looks at guy or a gay couple walks by them, or something gay appears on television or in a movie, she will forever see him with a guy. I’m not really for anyone who is for this. Mostly because their defense is, “there are a lot of older couples who are asexual”. One, they are not old and two they are probably not gay. He is. They don’t need to be married to remain friends. And if the wife can say she’s happy, then she’s probably batshit crazy.
sfhally
Quit calling him gay–it’s another bisexual guy trying to blur the lines.
Bryguyf69
@Martin Talbot queeried “Why waste her time if your gay ? Crazy !”
===
What “waste” of time? Your comment is predicated on the belief that what YOU want and need in a relationship is what SHE wants or needs. Why so egocentric? Whenever we go into ANY relationship, we evaluate our partners based on a list of ideals, i.e. appearance, health, wealth, stability, potential, spontaneity, etc. These are different for different people, and change over time in the same person. How do you know she isn’t getting what she wants, and what she needs for the rest of her life?
Keep in mind that she’s older and the wife of a pastor. That would suggest a lower libido, and lower priority for sex. So how exactly is her time being wasted and why is this “crazy”?
Bottomline: I’m willing to bet that she feels more fulfilled and secure than many, if not most, same-sex relationships. Let’s live and let live, and not judge others based on our experiences and desires.
Bryguyf69
@sfhally wrote: “Quit calling him gay–it’s another bisexual guy trying to blur the lines.”
===
Quit calling him bisexual — you’re just another guy trying to blue the lines.
Please quote where in the article or video you found any suggestion that he is bisexual. Experts define sexual orientation by the amplitude of one’s desire for either sex. There is no indication that he still has any attraction for women. In fact, he has said that the last 20 years was based on a lie. That suggests that he may never have been attracted to women at all.
Bryguyf69
@Ben Stimpson: You can’t blame Queerty this time. The article basically quotes the video.
Stached1
@Kangol: I feel this way. I mean it’s their lives/marriage/relationship.
Brian
Good on Pastor Pieter for remaining married to his wife. You’ve got to remember that he may value her permanent love and friendship more than the unseemly lifestyle of the gay scene with its fleeting encounters. Have you ever thought about that? I mean, have you?
The idea that the gay scene is superior to everything else and that homosexual desire must always translate to homosexual activity is one of the biggest lies ever put out by the gay community. Frankly, it wilts under the light of examination.
I’m here to tell you that Pastor Pieter has exercised his prerogative to stay married to the woman whom he cherishes. Kudos to the wife for looking at Pieter as a whole person and not just as a sexual identity or desire.
DCguy
@Brian:
Do Brian defends Kim Davis, anti-gay gay republican politicians and now sham marriage. No surprise there.
dustashed
It’s their life, sometimes it is just too late or sometimes you are just “content”.. not too happy, but not sad either.
Contentment and just being at peace with the decisions you have made even though knowing then what you know now, you might have done some things differently.. sometimes it is just too late.. and sometimes that’s ok.
Not the best, but its better than what a lot of other people have.. at least you will have a companion, a friend to grow old with. Some people die alone, or worrying if they would even live another night, or worry if they can provide food for the kids.
Eating 3 times a day, with a roof over your head and a comfortable bed is more than what a lot of other people have.
dustashed
Not saying that you shouldn’t strive for the best out of life.. but we also have to remember that everyone’s experience is different.
Let us not be quick to judge when we ourselves have been asking not to be judged for decades. Asking Straight people who couldn’t even begin to understand what it was like to walk in our shoes, why then can we not extend the same or even just a minute sense of understanding of another person’s journey who happens to be different from our own without resorting to snide remarks.
its not as if our lives are absolutely 100% fucking perfect. If it so, then good for you.. however, not everyone gets to have their happy ending.
paulbear30
I just hope they didn’t have kids or plan on having kids. He’d be a fool
Bryguyf69
@paulbear30 wrote “I just hope they didn’t have kids or plan on having kids. He’d be a fool”
===
Why? As long as the kids understand and support their parents, having had kids is not a negative thing. In fact, they’d be better off than kids of divorce because the parents still love each other. As for planning to have kids (although she may be post-menopausal), once again, why is it so bad if there is an understanding? It’s similar to a surrogacy, which is how many same-sex couples have children. But in this case, both biological parents love each other and plan to raise the kid. Doesn’t sound so bad to me.
paulbear30
@Bryguyf69: Why? As long as the kids understand and support their parents, having had kids is not a negative thing.
That’s your opinion. So there’s your answer too. Imo, if he had any principles, he’d stay with her but remain celibate at this point. And no, artificial means of impregnation are just as bad. If he’s to sacrifice the integrity of his body, he may as well go all the way and just find another man. Besides, they can adopt.
Bryguyf69
@paulbear30: Of course it’s my opinion. That’s a self-evident fact that need not be stated. But it’s an opinion I’ve laid out with logic, rooted in facts. Approximately half of my professional research is on LGBT issues (nd the other half is medical), and the data simply doesn’t support your claims of harm. Decades of surrogacy and “artificial means of impregnation” shows no harm whatsoever to the child. And I can prove it with studies. Do YOU have peer-reviewed data to back up your claims?
Your comment, “besides, they can adopt” doesn’t support your argument. How does adopting differ from a biological birth when discussing this issue — namely, that of a gay man staying married to a straight woman? Adoption is a wonderful thing but it has nothing bearing on this topic. If you claim harm to the child, then who does an adoption mean less harm than giving birth?
You’ve ignored all the points I raised and questions I asked, and simply replied with a post devoid of any data or a cogent argument based on logic or facts.
Bryguyf69
@paulbear30: Of course it’s my opinion. That’s a self-evident fact that need not be stated. But it’s an opinion I’ve laid out with logic, rooted in facts. Approximately half of my professional research is on LGBT issues (nd the other half is medical), and the data simply doesn’t support your claims of harm. Decades of surrogacy and “artificial means of impregnation” shows no harm whatsoever to the child. And I can prove it with studies. Do YOU have peer-reviewed data to back up your claims?
Your comment, “besides, they can adopt” doesn’t support your argument. How does adopting differ from a biological birth when discussing this issue — namely, that of a gay man staying married to a straight woman? Adoption is a wonderful thing but it has nothing bearing on this topic. If you claim harm to the child, then who does an adoption mean less harm than giving birth?
You’ve ignored all the points I raised and questions I asked, and simply replied with a post devoid of any data or a cogent argument based on logic or facts. The saddest thing is that your “argument”
Bryguyf69
@Bryguyf69: The saddest thing is that your “argument” is no better than those coming from homophobes who think gays are unfit to be parents. Like you, they present no relevant data.
AHappyMom
@paulbear30: I’m a social worker who has worked with the LGBT community. I too would like to know what harm comes to any children they choose to have. Specifically, how does the fact that he’s gay make it any worse on the child?
Bryguyf69
@paulbear30: The saddest thing is that your “argument” is no better than those coming from homophobes who think gays are unfit to be parents. Like you, they present no relevant verifiable data.
(this post was previously mistakenly addressed to myself)
paulbear30
@Bryguyf69: I answered the “why” and offered supporting statements rooted in logic (I don’t need “data”). You can take it or leave it. You only knocked down a strawman, actually.