Queerty is better as a member
I kind of would like to see the age of hookup apps come to an end.
I can kind of see an open relationship if both parties agree and approve the third party, but hooking up with anonymous strangers? Why even bother to be in a relationship? It’s sheer insanity.
Horrific, here’s hoping that Grindr has some way of linking the police to his killer.
@DarkZephyr: Regardless of the method, people will still encounter violence and sometimes die when they meet others. It happened before hookup apps.
Jesus…this is so sad.
This could have been one of our friends or even a family member. Such a terrible tragedy. This young man had so much promise.
God, I thought the point of having a partner is so that you didn’t have to go looking anymore.
@niles…I totally agree.
That’s the benefit of Grindr. Meeting people close by, not 18 miles away. Sad ending for a cute dude.
Depending on where you live, 18 miles IS close by. Not everybody lives in urban areas.
@Alan down in Florida: Yea, but he lived in Philadelphia.
Horrible. I had a period of “hooking up online” and I did it even though I knew it was risky. I don’t do it anymore. I am happy to be alive.
I know that hooking up will never be 100% safe, but I really think the younger generation needs to re-think their dislike of bathhouses. I’d rather go somewhere where you have to have a membership & your ID is checked at the door than simply rely on an anonymous profile.
@lykeitiz: The bath house is never going to comeback. It’s a relic.
The only person or thing that was wrong here is the evil SOB who murdered this guy. They lured him and took his life because thats what they planned to do. They could just have easily used any number of hook up tactics. Bars, Bathouses, online or on the street. They are a psychopath plain and simple.
Awful.probably some deranged Homophobe luring dudes with Grindr just to have them attacked.I love the picture of him and his man,cute couple.My thoughts are with Nick. <3
Here in Brazil the bath house is alive and WELL. I’ve been to many and had lots of intense, wild, brief adventures there.
@niles: I agree with you, I have never understood open relationships but if it works for others then good for them.
Sad. Very sad!
Why does a cute guy with a cute boyfriend need to travel 18 miles away to go have sex with a random stranger far away from town?
Some people are never satisfied.
Some people just want it all.
Open relationships are a contradiction in terms. They’re just excuses for promiscuous conduct. GrindR is a magnet for weirdos with malicious intent.
I tend to agree with that but I must admit the people I know who have been in gay relationships the longest have open relationships. I could never do it. I’m too selfish. If it works for two people who agree to it and set clear rules then more power to them. There’s no way I could be laying up in bed knowing my partner just came from sexing up some other guy.
Tragedy all around though. I hope they find this guy.
Is it just me or have all these violent crimes on grindr have increased since grindr has become more mainstream especially in the “straight” media.
@Blackceo: I find it mind-boggling.
What’s the point of dating someone if you’re sleeping with random people on the side?
At some point I don’t think it’s actually a relationship, but rather a roommate with benefits, or a best-friend with benefits situation.
Why would you date a cute guy and travel 18 miles away to go have sex with some stranger?
If you don’t sex with your boyfriend just look at friggin porn for that night. Why do you have to go have to go away? And then tell your boyfriend you’re going to go have sex with someone in another town?
I know some people can manage this, but to me the logic simply does not compute.
GrindR is a magnet for straight-identifying
guys who want a casual encounter with another man. These dtraight guys have no empathy for the gay rights cause.
@Stache99: The THREE in my city are all booming.
@Cagnazzo82: Why do you have to assume what works for you has to work for everyone else? Some people just get the itch to be with other people. It’s just sex and has nothing to do with their relationship.
I’d rather deal with that then some jealous prude and their low self esteem issues.
@Cagnazzo82: I completely agree with you. If you have a boyfriend fuck him and stay away from the crazies online and if you really feel the need to fuck everything in sight outside of your partner, then maybe you should rethink your “relationship”.
@lykeitiz: Interesting because here in LA they just closed the Hollywood Spa. I don’t think the other bath houses here are doing that much better.
Agreed. But again, if two people are both in agreement about an open relationship and it works for them then good for them. I don’t understand it but its none of my business either. I know people who it works for and they both are in agreement to it so I say more power to them. I am also from the school that believes most men cheat and I don’t think monogamy is natural, but I’m still not doing an open relationship. I constantly change it up and keep things spicy in the bedroom. I’m still surprising my man with new things I do. Otherwise it gets boring and well…if he’s not getting it at home he will find somewhere else to get it from. That’s just real talk.
I used to believe in “open relationships” I don’t anymore. Experience and losing a great boyfriend has taught me. Don’t do it. If you must, just break up.
Wow Judgey McJudgersons, a guy is murdered and you criticizing him for being in an open relationship or using Grindr? Crawl under a rock.
I have nothing against open relationships, both for gays and for STRAIGHT people too. There is nothing inherently wrong about them. You can have a an open releationship without doing dangerous activities. You can meet other people by other means.
This is about a young guy who has been murdered, possibly as a result of homophobia. The fact that he was in an open relationship is neither here nor there. No one should have their life taken away because of how they conduct their private life.
Who said he deserved to have his life taken away because he was in an open relationship? I think we all think its a tragedy. But the whole “open relationship” issue is pretty hot topic in our community and since its part of the story I think only natural it would be expanded to further discussion. This kind of thing could certainly happen to any person cruising for sex, partnered or single. Its risky behavior for all of us who either currently cruise for sex or did it in the past like me. You just never know if you are going to be the one who ends up meeting the killer. Most of us have a sense of “its not going to happen to me” until it does.
@Cagnazzo82: 2 things – 1. Because they’re not you. They have a different relationship that you. They have one that worked for them. 2. You read this article and this is what you responded to to judge? Sad.
@Charlie in Charge: Thank you. Reading these posts was making me weep for the lack of empathy and understanding of the real issue. Superficial responses by superficial people. I am in complete agreement with you.
@Blackceo: Have you read the posts…they are dripping with judgement. I agree the topic of open relationships is a hot topic but not when it comes to murder. It belongs in an article about…oh I don’t know…Open Relationships! This poor kid was murdered possibly by someone who used a smartphone app to lure him for that purpose. That’s the discussion and it’s a scary sad story.
This article is filled with misinformation. THERE ARE NO HATE CRIME LAWS in Pennsylvania that protect gay people. It is a fact. Let’s not get wrapped up in persecuting the victim for living his life, and let’s work to change legislation that protects the attacker and not the victim. Not to mention writing to queerty to encourage fact checking and journalistic integrity.
@leavingphilly: Doesn’t matter. There are federal hate crime laws in place that will be used to prosecute the offender. Although state laws vary, current statutes permit federal prosecution of hate crimes committed on the basis of a person’s protected characteristics of race, religion, ethnicity, nationality, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, and disability. .
@LeavingPhilly: On October 28, 2009 President Obama signed the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act, attached to the National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2010, which expanded existing United States federal hate crime law to apply to crimes motivated by a victim’s actual or perceived gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, or disability, and dropped the prerequisite that the victim be engaging in a federally protected activity.
Why are you blaming this guy and the relationship?
The issue is that a psycho is out there luring a guy, or guys, to his death. The problem is not the open relationship, which in any case was part of what gay liberation pushed for in the 1970s, for people to create the kinds of relationships that worked for them, and not oppressive, heteronormative relationships.
If this poor man had been single or in a triple or whatever, the fact is, he probably was brutally killed by some creep lurking on Grindr. I sincerely hope that company does the right thing and turns over all information to the authorities so that they can find out who he met up with. They should be able to do that fairly easily, even if the murderer deleted his account. The info should still be on Grindr’s servers, no?
@Kangol: Hate to say it but I doubt it. This was premeditated. Therefore, the killer probably used a stolen phone along with a dummy account.
@Blackceo: Risky behavior? There are thousands of gay guys in open relationships and on Grindr and they aren’t dying in multitudes. Stop trying to justify your judgement and condescension as some dire issue the gay community needs to problem solve. He was murdered.
@firstname.lastname@example.org: It does matter very much. Because where state and local law enforcement cannot or will not investigate and prosecute this as a hate crime, as in Pennsylvania, the federal government currently has no authority to ensure that the perpetrators are brought to justice. So it can and probably will be ignored.
@Kangol: Perhaps there’s a bit of monday morning quarterbacking here on my part, but I still stand by my previous comment.
Open relationships are basically best-friend with benefits relationships. And so be it. If that’s what people want, then fine.
Many may think it works out in the short-run, but in the long-run, a myriad of complications may arise. That said, to each his own.
I hope they catch the creep who murdered this kid. They obviously will because they have all the phone records.
@Charlie in Charge:
I’m not justifying a damn thing. I said what I said and I stand by it. Risky behavior goes way beyond the chance that you may get chopped up by the killer. It is also risky in the fact of not knowing how clean this guy is and what his status is. I appreciate the fact that there are truthful guys who say they are HIV+ on websites, but these sites and apps don’t ask about all the other nasty shyt you can contract. Risky wasn’t just limited to potential physical danger.
Just another reason why I avoid hookup apps and open relationships.
R.I.P. young man
@Blackceo: I agree with you. I’d be way too jealous!
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