Queerty is better as a member
More and more quality hotels are forbidding any non-registered guest from even entering a hotel room these days. Taking cues from Latin America and Europe where I think they just had it up to here with victim tourists.
ALWAYS be careful who you hook up with online. Craigslist, grindr, any other way, it doesn’t matter. Just because nothing bad has happened to you yet doesn’t mean nothing will. There’s a lot of sickos and weirdos and just plain criminals out there, and this ain’t nothing new.
Anytime I invite a trick over to my place, anything of value is hidden/put in a drawer/covered, and I always hide a few weapons in places that I could easily get to if the shit hit the fan. I haven’t had to use any of it yet but that doesn’t mean I’m not ready.
Be careful boys!
I have NO SYMPATHY for this man.
TerrenM You have no sympathy? Wow…blame the victim mentality there don’t you think?
I do feel very sorry for him, that will traumatize anyone to be put through that situation regardless of how it started. Grindr is the modern day “meeting someone at a bar”. People do need to be more cautious, had he had pepper spray or a weapon (although some hotels don’t allow weapons, and traveling with a weapon is annoying) things might have ended differently.
That being said, I do the same thing that Apparatus does. I hide all valuables and I keep a shotgun in my bedroom. Not to mention I am a pretty tall built dude who can fight if need be.
Here is my last thing though, they can’t track who did this? Grindr can’t tell the police any information on the man? I am sure they keep records of phones somehow.
Because gay men are typically nonviolent we extend these same expectations to strangers we met in public. This is obviously not a good way to view the world around you. The isn’t a Grindr thing nor a Gay thing, it’s a human nature thing. Gay men should learn how to defend themselves and stop trying to see the best in people who mean you no good! If you can’t fight learn how to kick! Kick him in the balls! Order yourself some pepper spray from Amazon.. It’s cheap and you can keep it under your pillow should your hotel trick acts a fool.
@Daniepwils: “Grindr is the modern day “meeting someone at a bar””
Not really – it’s worse because it skips all the intuitive steps we’ve learned through evolution.
When you meet someone in person, you pick up on a myriad of signals, consciously and unconsciously, in even a ten minute conversation (yes, even if you’ve been drinking). This is not infallible of course but you get a certain amount of information.
When you arrange to meet someone online or on an app, (a) you must first assume that whatever they TYPE is the truth, and (b) when you actually do meet them, you’re likely in a very vulnerable position.
@TerrenM: Wow. You are not a nice person.
The anonymity and instantaneous gratification of grindr is what is appealing to most. I don’t think anyone reading this article is shocked that a crime happened to someone using grindr. And I don’t think anyone on here is shocked there is some scum bag out there willing to take advantage of someone’s desires. While the victim of the crime was gay and the perpetrator was either gay or doesn’t like gays very much, the activity the victim participated in was a high risk activity. I am not blaming him for being a victim of robbery and sexual assault, no one should have this happen to them. A crime is a crime, regardless of the events preceding. I think it is good that queerty made the community aware of this crime. As I see it, just another way our community communicates effectively. Its a good reminder for us all.
I feel awful for the victim and hope he recovers both mentally and physically from such a traumatic experience.
Am I the only one who finds the details NBC Philly reported to be a little strange?
- Following the assault, the victim said he was forced to buy four $500 Visa gift cards. This totals $2,000 in Visa Gift Cards and the story implies that they were purchased at different locations. Surprised his bank didn’t note suspicious activity on the account.
- He was then walked to five nearby ATMs and told to withdraw $200 from each cash machine. This totals $1,000 cash which is the maximum daily ATM withdrawal limit in the US (most banks allow you to withdraw $300-500 using your ATM per day).
- The suspect and victim walked about 15 blocks together after the assault. So they went through the hotel lobby and into various stores and made a ton of transactions but the victim didn’t plea for help from anyone and during their 15 block walk they didn’t cross paths with one police officer?
I trust that the victim’s account is genuine and NBC Philly is to blame for these very suspicious details; but either way I will keep the victim in my thoughts and prayers and hope he completely recovers.
The only way they would have seen a Cop in Philly is either at the station house or a donut shop.
I feel very badly for the victim. I hope he recovers physically and emotionally soon. I’ve been in a committed relationship before this app existed, but in the past I hooked up online and in bars. I was young and assumed I was safe from harm. I was wrong and very, very lucky! Before any of us blame the victim, remember that the perpetrators are investing time in constantly scheming up new ways to rob people. It’s not the victim’s fault that he doesn’t think like a criminal.
Indeed this is sad and wrong but I wonder how much of this type of thing happens that is never reported? Meeting up with people anonymously can be very exciting but it’s also risky. With the number of people (me included) that have participated in this behaviour it’s a wonder that we don’t hear more of these stories. As someone stated earlier. in the old days we met people in person before hand and were able to use our intuition to size people up before we went home together. The methods we now use to hook-up have removed that step in the process. Be careful boys and take care of yourselves because sex is not worth your safety and especially risking your life.
@TerrenM: Why is that? Because your so perfect, that is it beneath you to use these types of apps to meet others? Whatever!
I am glad this guy told his story and i hope someone recognizes the suspect and turns him in.
I am a Canadian who lived in the US for some 10 years now. When in big US cities, many Canadians tend to be either too careful (NYC’s Upper West Side up around W 103rd looks like a hood compared to Canadian cities, but it’s not), or not careful enough. To answer some who left comments, he probably didn’t try to get help from others in public because the other guy had a gun, and we aren’t used to gun violence like here. At least he was smart there. Not nearly as smart when inviting complete strangers into his hotel room though…
@sympanyc: The Philadelphia Daily News article, which has the most details of the incident clearly states “Once inside, the assailant claimed he had a gun” meaning that the victim never saw the firearm.
Additionally, the Philadelphia Daily News article shares: “Then, in a bizarre move, the man forced the victim to go to the Irish Pub at 20th and Walnut streets, police said.”
Full article can be read here: http://www.philly.com/philly/news/20140411_Cops__Date_for_out-of-towner_goes_very_awry.html?c=r
So after sexually assaulting the victim and robbing the victim in a most bizarre manner the suspect forces the victim to grab some drinks with him at an Irish pub?
Let me be clear: I feel awful for the victim and hope he recovers both mentally and physically from such a traumatic experience. I trust that the victim’s account is genuine and the news media’s reporting is to blame for these very suspicious details; but either way I will keep the victim in my thoughts and prayers and hope he completely recovers.
@FitChicago: Ah. Hadn’t read that! As a teacher, I assume this must be totally embarrassing for him, so it doesn’t surprise that the story doesn’t make much sense…
Terrible and what some gay men go through is just never reported like when I was 16 and raped by a straight guy or one who said he was, married with two kids. He caught me off guard suddenly and next thing I know, I was raped three times in a row. I feel bad for the guy in this story because it is going to be a process of getting through that. It took me some time and the first two years are the hardest. That was the only time anyone did anything to me in that way willingly or otherwise and maybe why I am more of a top or more oral type guy.
@sympanyc: I absolutely agree.
@TerrenM: I agree… I empathize that he was hurt..but its a completely avoidable event. You assume risk when you invite someone you’ve never met to your home/hotel room/etc.
@marks2000: I am sorry that happened to you. It must have been traumatic. Absolutely no one should have to bear that violence and trauma, no matter the context…
Its not that I don’t have sympathy for him, but I think anyone who does this is less than smart, including me when I did it. People are crazy and I’m glad I’m not boo’d up and don’t have to worry about the cesspool of online dating apps and sites.
NOW* boo’d up
Queerty you need a damn edit option!! WTF it is 2014!!!
Wow! Well on the upside he did at least have some very real hot rape sex.
I mean it does suck that he got robbed,but usually if they are just out to rob you,they dont usually have sex with you too.
I live about an hour from Philly (The City Of Brotherly and Sisterly Love) and I have to say honestly, Philadelphia used to be my favorite place to go, especially since The Gayborhood (Da’ Gayborhood) is full of so many places that are LGTB friendly. However, there is something missing in Philly, that used to be there say 20 years ago. I’m going to say the L-O-V-E aspect of Philly is going. Philly was that place that you could vibe with someone you just met and not worry about getting robbed or taken advantage of in any way. Mind you the entire country is going through some hard times and most of us know that “THE STRUGGLE IS REAL!” However Philly has this element that is a bit sinister beyond belief. I once got maced in my face for trying to take a picture of a group of young-and-too-fabulous-for-me-to-talk-too-or-with guys in front of a popular and ‘nameless’ gay bar in Da’ Gayborhood. It happened and I was shocked and pissed off and vowed to never go to Philly and Da’ Gayborhood again but of course I caved in and have been back since. However, the warm reception that everyone would get when you go to Philly is gone. There are younger guys and gals in Philly and especially in the LGTB community that have their heads up their butts and don’t come off like thugs but are thugs. If you bump into them, they are ready to throw down, if you look at them and your not their type, they are ready to curse you out. I heard of having a preference but it’s out of control. The younger generation, who used to seem like the only hope to keep things fresh but still moderately safe and calm. They are these arrogant punks (excuse my French) that have no use for you unless they are getting something out of it. They are the “Me Generation” and I get that but it’s so overwhelming at times. It’s a hot mess when I think about it and it’s not all of Philly and even in Da’ Gayborhood, nor is it all the young people there because there are some good people who old, young, Black, Asian, White and Latino, gay, straight, bi, trans, lesbian. Everyone is respresented when you go to Philly and the entire ideal of a melting pot is there but does it really work? Philadelphia is OK but say 20 years ago, Philly was the only place you would want to go because you felt like if you didn’t have a friend, you have. Philly used to seem like this quaint little and big, foreign country, where you had your choice of places to go to be good and places to go to be bad and they were plentiful. Philly had this old-world charm about it that is now gone. I pray it gets it’s mojo back and things of that nature stop happening. We have to say some prayers for this young man, it’s unfortunate and I pray his open wounds to his spirit/soul are healed in God’s speed. He shouldn’t give up on finding someone to hanging out with, hook up with and even be with because sometimes in this life you win and other times you lose.
@TerrenM: then you are a self righteous asshole who is probably too ugly to get anyone’s interest
@Black Pegasus: better yet learn C A B….cut a bitch!!!!
Always meet in public. Take a clear photo of the other person (no hats, etc.) and send it to a friend before setting out anywhere else. If the person doesn’t want the photo taken, walk away (that’s why you meet in public first). Be safe.
There is a bit of good news… The cops have id’d the perp…
The Hotel is Not located in The Gayborhood… nor was the Irish Pub… Both are close to the Gayborhood and normally have lots of foot traffic as well as police and car traffic… The whole story is a bit sad, scary and a bit odd
First off: GRINDR (et al) is NOT the “modern day equivalent of going to a bar”
as previously referenced. My one and only “bad” experience came after meeting
said goofball IN PUBLIC, having two beers, and then (my) foolishly agreeing to go
for a drive through the countryside on a gorgeous summer evening. His car.
Mistake #1 = HIS CAR. Ended up about 45 mins away from my car when said Goofball
suggested we stop at a seriously out-of-the-way bar (Mistake #2). Goofball just “happened”
to run into his ex (ALARM #1) and forgot about me and quite literally drank himself into
oblivion. OK. So I wasn’t having him drive his car back, and he had intentions of going into NY
anyway, so I wasn’t getting back to my car. YIKES!
After politely asking the bartenders and other patrons of the bar if they were headed in my
direction (nope, not one), I confronted Goofball and his ex (who just happened to be opening his wallet
at that very moment) and in a split-second, when I recognized I
wasn’t getting home any other way than through my own powers, I grabbed the exposed $20s
($80) and grabbed a waiting taxi for a $120 ride back to my car.
Several days later, Goofball called looking for his ex’s $, and I put a quick end to that conversation.
I was threatened, as was my house etc. in no uncertain terms did I tell
Goofball it would be the biggest mistake of his life if he tried to even contact me, or
damage my car or property.
Step #1: an anonymous letter was put in the mail to the local boys in blue w his profile
and a brief note of what had transpired. If something should happen to me.
Step #2: being a horror movie fanatic, I learned one sure-fire way for any of us to quickly turn the tables
should we find ourselves on the receiving end of a weapon-less attack:
TAKE YOUR THUMBS AND GOUGE THE MITHERFUCKER’S EYES OUT.
Trust me: they will stop long enough for you to regain control of most situations.
No knives, no guns, no Ming vases.
And if you need to take matters to Step #3: go for the family jewels in whatever way works for you. That’ll cause
another slight delay in their plans.
And just so you don’t think “this crazy Queen shouldn’t even be online” trust me when I say
I’d do just that to any motherfucker who thought I was his (or her!) easy prey for the night.
Stay safe guys. You really can’t be so fucking horny that you are going to put your life on the line.
MITHERFUCKER’S > Motherfucker’s
I fucking hate typos!
The right side of the Bible = taking it to the outhouse and tearing the pages out to wipe your a$$.
SORRY WRONG THREAD! – that was for the Huckabee thread!
@Ben Dover: It never ceases to amaze me when the most vitriolic (and usually the worst spelling and grammar) comments come from MOSTLY “anonymous” people, or those with some beyond childish screen name. Not that I care, or need to be found, but someone with a grudge or whatever could easily find me. If I can post it, I will put my name to it. It’s journalism guys. And I practice what I preach, went to school and studied, and adapted to when the digital age came around.
Grow up. Stop the hate, or at least have the fucking balls to put your own name to your keystrokes.
Rule of thumb in journalism? If you have “an anonymous source” it’s not fit for publication unless you have THREE PEOPLE, ALL OF WHOM DO NOT KNOW EACH OTHER, and they all tell you the same +/- version of the story. Then, and only then, is “anonymous” relevant.
@ibernard: LOL Amen. Very good advice :) I have tried these sites, and thank God (luck, precaution, whatever…) nothing bad ever happened to me except trying to meet guys in public I’d chatted with who never showed up (likely fake profiles). To be fair, I dated a guy I met on one of those sites. That didn’t work out, but we are now best friends, so it’s definitely a numbers’ game! However, it’s crucially important not to let your dick do the thinking.
I can just see your ‘broken-wrist’ hand on one hip and the other ‘broken-wrist’ hand finger snapping while reaching high, and you saying:”Whatever”.
@ibernard: So you essentially robbed someone because of your own poor decisions and were surprised that the people you robbed confronted you about it and demanded you return the money you stole from them?
The real lesson is to take responsibility for your own decisions and instead of blaming others, learn from your mistakes.
Your justification for robbery is shameful.
Sorry….Instead of the word, “saying”, I should have used the word: “Lisping”.
@ibernard: The comment is perfectly appropriate for the Huckabee thread, where it is now. I was just a little hungover (a rare occurrence lately) and posted it in the wrong place, AND apologized for it.
But at least it gave you an excuse to indulge in your pompous superiority complex.
Aren’t you anonymous too? “Stop the hate?” No thanks, you can keep your kumbaya bullsh*t.
I see you have “adapted to the digital age” with your Sir Elton John fan site. Wow, I’m impressed. Analyzing songs from 1973 certainly makes you look like a hip teenager. I do hope everyone here clicks on your site as it’s not going to go over well in Queerty-land, I can assure you. Since you’re so nice to everyone, say hello to Rush Limbaugh for us at his next wedding!
At any rate, I made a comment re: digital hookups at about #6 above which you may like better. We may even agree there?
@ibernard: “TAKE YOUR THUMBS AND GOUGE THE MITHERFUCKER’S EYES OUT.”
Oh dear. (Clutches pearls.) “Stop the hate.” “Stop the hate,” I tell you! :)
But yes, do write an “anonymous” letter to the police! You wouldn’t want the police to know you’re, like, a victim of a crime or anything.
@Ben Dover: Oh wait – right – YOU were the robber in that crime! No wonder you wanted to be anonymous!
While I have never picked anyone up on Grindr (**because I am an angelic Christian cocksucker)I wonder if there is that much difference in picking some stranger in a bar versus some stranger on Grindr etc.
**…..that is a lie…..Grindr came to be long after I was married..but I am a cocksucker.
I had every right to grab whatever cash I could get my hands on from two drunken skanks. I offered to drive the drunkard’s car BACK to our original destination. The original plan for the night was a few drinks and a movie. I felt somewhat confident that nothing was going to go astray. After being beyond polite, looking for other options, and finding myself about 60 miles from my car (and I did say, repeatedly in a car going 75mph that I did NOT want to go to a bar in Nowheresville) should I have just jumped out of the car? My radar was over 6 at that point, and when he disappeared with his ex (I left out the part about them doing coke in the ladies’ room) I then went to DefCon 4. I explored my options, had some very kind people say they wish they were headed east instead of west, and I finally realized that I wasn’t even going to get in a car with someone that wasted. Khama kickback, Mr Anonymous. What would you have done in that situation? Sure, I grabbed the ex’s $$$, because I wasn’t going to fork over $100+ because someone ELSE was a royal dork. Call me a “robber” or a “thief” but you can’t call me a corpse or a statistic. This “guy” was so squeaky clean, I was actually enjoying the evening, until I realized he liked to drink way too much. Then again, you are hiding behind a generic name, so throw those stones at my glass house. Oh, and the Elton John reference? Thanks for being so interested in me that you checked out whatever site of mine you found. I happen to LOVE the GOODBYE YELLOW BRICK ROAD double LP, which is currently celebrating its 40th anniversary. I guess you can’t grasp the lyrical genius who is Bernie Taupin, nor the musical genius of Elton John. You should read quite a bit deeper into whatever site you found, but my academics are way over your head. I’m just glad I don’t have to face dorks like you in my classroom, and if I did, I’d handle your idiocy with class. You should be so fortunate to know me, or have me shoot your portrait. Go back in your bathroom and take another selfie on a dirty mirror. Then again, it’ll probably be your poor excuse of a penis because your self-esteem is so low, you couldn’t look someone in the eyes, let alone post a legit name. The only thing I’d change about that night in question? I’d suggest a walk AFTER the movie. Why I don’t have dating apps on my iPhone anymore.
Loser. Go stick your head in the toilet.
okay, i love african-american guys. but the unsaid thing in this story is that the trick was african american. and philly is RAMPANT with frikken- american crime. it’s everywhere in philly. the knockout game, robberies, muggings, car jacks, philly has one of the highest crime rates on the east coast, and it’s all frikken-american perps. so, get your choc-o-lot elsewhere. philly is DANGEROUS.
(i have had to repost this ^ with some of the words changed because in my previous post i used the wrong no-no words, and the Queerty word-police fascists flagged me). but i wanted to make my point. so here it is again.
As someone who is blind and gay I have to be extra careful. This story scares me but its all part of the game. I found my current boyfriend through hook up phone lines however so it can go either way. As a lark, I did download Grindr but its completely inaccessible with the software I use to access the net and stuff.
@ibernard: Your delightful and long-winded story – way longer than the original article by this point – doesn’t have much bearing on the article which is about a RAPE.
“I had every right to grab whatever cash I could get my hands on from two drunken skanks.” A novel legal theory which would not have held up in court if you’d been prosecuted.
@ibernard: wow, I think your last post speaks for itself; the content kind of make you come across a touch crazy town.
I’m only responding simply to reiterate the fact that it is critical to take responsibility for your own decisions and instead of blaming others, learn from your mistakes.
Also your ability to justify the fact that you stole almost $100 from someone you met on Grindr is most concerning.
I’ve had enough of you fucking queens.
You WEREN’T there, and I WASN’T going to end up with a toe-tag in some mortuary.
You do what you have to in situations where you have exhausted every other POLITE means.
So don’t come crying to me when you’re car-jacked (yes, it happened to me) or mugged (ditto).
Ever see the movie CRUISING?
Certainly OVER and always OUT!!!!
Gay men tend to forget that they are ” MEN ” …. Can gay men just learn how to fight already and stop acting like a sissy. If you have balls to call someone up to your room then have the balls to take them down if needed …. Plus they stopped at four different stores to get gift cards and bars to get money out ….really ??… All those stops and you couldn’t do anything ?… I don’t know but something sounds not right… Just saying !
THANK YOU FOR POSTING THAT!
I got so tired of trying to POLITELY tell guys that they have to do what they have to do.
Violence in ANY form is NOT IN MY CHARACTER, but sometimes we can and do wind up in THE TWILIGHT ZONE because that’s the way the WORLD is today, not just the GAY world.
I live 20 minutes from NEWTOWN, CT.
And if you don’t think the December 2012 shooting of those children was horrifying,
there’s something wrong with you.
Yes, it’s different, but it’s the same,
Innocent victims and whack jobs out to do what THEY want to do.
And for the record, I was a bit shocked at all the ATM stops, gift cards etc.
My bank will question anything above $500 in one day.
Have a blessed and peaceful Easter. The season of renewal.
For me, the best pickups I ever made and I’ve made many, was on the street walking at any time of day or night.
Simply walk until you see someone walking toward you and after you’ve passed him, stop and turn….if he as done the same, you’ve succeeded, if not nothing lost….and many of these guys claimed to be straight.
Straight or gay didn’t matter to me because each and everyone of them always had what I wanted.
However, I did have a cheap watch go missing after one of them left. Only once.
Please respond tp my post above by responding to this post, as I forgot to check the ‘notify me….’ box.
This has nothing to do with hookups or being gay or Grindr or anything else… this guy was a thug out looking to victimize anybody. He’s probably done it two dozen times in the past and we will keep letting him out of prison so he can do it a hundred more times before his career as a criminal is over. I’m sure if he didn’t have Grindr to find a victim he would go about it a different way – just picking somebody off the street if he has to.
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