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MYTHICAL HUNKS

PHOTOS: The Ten Hottest Satyrs Working Today

Winter’s fast approaching, so you’re going to need someone warm to cuddle up to next to a fire. And who could be cozier than a satyr? These hot-blooded hunks have plenty of fur from hoof to tail, and they know how to melt our hearts with an impish grin.

We rounded up a gallery of the world’s hottest goat-men for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!

We’ll start with some horns from HMalant, who credits “satyr magic” for keeping them affixed to his head.

satyr horns

 

 

Get a load of Carracci’s classic painting, The Satyr Mason, which we’ve had to tastefully crop. What’s this daddy up to, casting a line for fish? Well, yes, kind of. Click the link to the full NSFW version.

satyr mason

 

Here’s a fine fellow holding an amphora. During the day, he works in the Department of Greek, Etruscan and Roman Antiquities in the Sully Wing of the Louvre, but at night he likes long walks, laughs shared over a baguette, and romantic comedies starring Julia Roberts. He has two cats, and his pet peeves are long toenails and people who take themselves too seriously.

750px-Satyr_Python_Louvre_K363

 

Here’s a sexy shot of Carl waiting for the G train with his two roommates. He’s trying to make it look like this is all spontaneous but he’s obviously about to take a selfie. Carl is currently working nights as an usher at Beckett’s “Fin de Partie” at Theater A on East 59th Street, but he just got new headshots so hopefully he can get called in for some table reads soon.

satyr again

 

Aw, we’re powerless to resist the charms of a nerd satyr. This particular fellow is working towards his Master’s in Business Administration. The working title for his thesis is “The Psychological Effects of Perceived Scarcity on Consumers’ Buying Behavior and Pan Flutes.”

jess fink satyr

 

Here’s Franz von Stuck’s “Dissonanz,” and oh man, we feel your pain buddy. There’s nothing worse than a small child with a musical instrument. But at least you’re just babysitting and the kid’s mom will be back in a couple hours. You really shouldn’t have let him borrow your pipes. Let us know once you’ve ditched the kid and we can head over to the Eagle.

dissonanz

 

Wizards of the Coast comes through with lovely art, as always. This fellow’s clearly been hitting the gym and does not fool around on shoulder day. The cape is a jaunty touch, but is it … growing out of his back, somehow?

wizards satyr

 

Okay, fellas, get a room. That robin can’t bear to look. See, this is what gay marriage leads to.

felix d'eon

 

And here we see the elusive satyr twink, stopping by the DMV to get his learner’s permit.

satyr twink

 

For real, y’all, we are pissed that there are people out there living this kind of life and we are not.

By:           matt baume
On:           Nov 30, 2013
Tagged: , ,
  • 12 Comments
    • RayJacksonMs
      RayJacksonMs

      What the fuck were you on, when you came up with the idea for this story?

      Nov 30, 2013 at 9:24 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ogre Magi
      Ogre Magi

      @RayJacksonMs: I SUPPOSE YOU WOULD RATHER HAVE ANOTHER ARTICLE ABOUT GAY CHRISTIANS

      Nov 30, 2013 at 10:30 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Large Marge
      Large Marge

      What the fuck were you on, when you had to censor artwork? That’s like censoring ‘David’ because you can see marble peen.

      Nov 30, 2013 at 10:32 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Grrrowler
      Grrrowler

      @Large Marge: I guess some gays might be offended by 2,000 year old cartoon dicks. :-/

      Nov 30, 2013 at 11:39 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • boring
      boring

      You know

      Torgo takes care of the place while the master is away.

      Nov 30, 2013 at 11:45 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jwrappaport
      jwrappaport

      This is about as sexy as the Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife. Also, what’s the deal with censoring pieces of art? I can understand censoring Jason Segel’s goodies, but a painting on a two millennia old amphora? Looks like the Venus de Milo needs a bra and the David is missing his fig leaf.

      Nov 30, 2013 at 12:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Sister Unity
      Sister Unity

      The censorship of art publicly viewed in museums is an appropriation of the same Puritanical, patriarchal BS used by demagogs and dogma hounds against us and against which Queerty purports to be a counter. Don’t do it. If you must must must, put a warning above the article, but leave the works intact. You risk discrediting your selves.

      Nov 30, 2013 at 2:49 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Rockery
      Rockery

      ??? This is an interesting post

      Nov 30, 2013 at 9:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mark
      Mark

      I have a pic of a really cute Texas RenFair satyr. Can I post it here somehow?

      Nov 30, 2013 at 9:59 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • bugg
      bugg

      What the fuck is this?

      Dec 1, 2013 at 5:35 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Charlie in Charge
      Charlie in Charge

      All hail the Satyrs!

      And what’s with the killjoys in the comments? We can learn a lot from Pan.

      Dec 2, 2013 at 1:33 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • manonyme
      manonyme

      @RayJacksonMs: he might have been influenced by something i’ve recently come across…
      ‘Bronies’- when did stuff go all mythical and animated. is just being a man not enough anymore?? – cuz that’s kinda out thing (men and all)

      Dec 13, 2013 at 11:18 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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