Winter’s fast approaching, so you’re going to need someone warm to cuddle up to next to a fire. And who could be cozier than a satyr? These hot-blooded hunks have plenty of fur from hoof to tail, and they know how to melt our hearts with an impish grin.
We rounded up a gallery of the world’s hottest goat-men for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!
We’ll start with some horns from HMalant, who credits “satyr magic” for keeping them affixed to his head.
Get a load of Carracci’s classic painting, The Satyr Mason, which we’ve had to tastefully crop. What’s this daddy up to, casting a line for fish? Well, yes, kind of. Click the link to the full NSFW version.
Here’s a fine fellow holding an amphora. During the day, he works in the Department of Greek, Etruscan and Roman Antiquities in the Sully Wing of the Louvre, but at night he likes long walks, laughs shared over a baguette, and romantic comedies starring Julia Roberts. He has two cats, and his pet peeves are long toenails and people who take themselves too seriously.
Here’s a sexy shot of Carl waiting for the G train with his two roommates. He’s trying to make it look like this is all spontaneous but he’s obviously about to take a selfie. Carl is currently working nights as an usher at Beckett’s “Fin de Partie” at Theater A on East 59th Street, but he just got new headshots so hopefully he can get called in for some table reads soon.
Aw, we’re powerless to resist the charms of a nerd satyr. This particular fellow is working towards his Master’s in Business Administration. The working title for his thesis is “The Psychological Effects of Perceived Scarcity on Consumers’ Buying Behavior and Pan Flutes.”
Here’s Franz von Stuck’s “Dissonanz,” and oh man, we feel your pain buddy. There’s nothing worse than a small child with a musical instrument. But at least you’re just babysitting and the kid’s mom will be back in a couple hours. You really shouldn’t have let him borrow your pipes. Let us know once you’ve ditched the kid and we can head over to the Eagle.
Wizards of the Coast comes through with lovely art, as always. This fellow’s clearly been hitting the gym and does not fool around on shoulder day. The cape is a jaunty touch, but is it … growing out of his back, somehow?
Okay, fellas, get a room. That robin can’t bear to look. See, this is what gay marriage leads to.
And here we see the elusive satyr twink, stopping by the DMV to get his learner’s permit.
For real, y’all, we are pissed that there are people out there living this kind of life and we are not.