- Beyoncé and Oprah held their own State of the Union Address last night, but sadly the other Supreme, Michelle Obama, had a prior engagement.
- Justin Timberlake and Mr. Beyoncé, Jay-Z, are planning a 10-city stadium tour later this year.
- Lena Dunham is on the cover of Rolling Stone and much like Girls, it simultaneously intrigues us yet makes us incredibly uncomfortable.
- Frank Ocean plans on stepping away from the limelight for two years duing which he’ll hang out in Singapore, write a book and perform voodoo on Chris Brown.
- The director of Kill Your Darlings had doubts about casting noted goy Daniel Radcliffe as Allen Ginsberg, but luckily his boyfriend pointed out to him that the Equus star was all Jew from the waist down. Hint: his penis.
- 67-year-old national treasure Steve Martin is now a dad for the first time.
- Sore Grammy snubee Justin Bieber said the Black Keys drummer Patrick Carney “should be slapped around ha ha” for reading him like a picture book.
- Porn star cum Lindsay Lohan
victim co-star James Deen has been approached to star in a porn parody of the ill-fated The Canyons…probably titled The Canyons. And probably co-staring Lindsay, if that haute Mexican restaurant doesn’t work out. Hint: it won’t.
- Matt Damon won’t be going to the bathroom until everyone has access to clean water…so it’s going to be a long, hard road for his colon: