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Pope Francis Is Willing To Baptize Martians But He Still Won’t Marry You

Marvin-The-Martian-psd32703You don’t have to be human to be baptized Catholic. That’s the latest from Pope Francis. In a homily to the faithful, the “who am I to judge” pontiff said that the Catholic Church is open to everyone, including aliens from outer space.

“If, for example, tomorrow an expedition of Martians came to us here and one said ‘I want to be baptized!’, what would happen?” Francis mused. “Martians, right? Green, with long noses and big ears, like in children’s drawings.”

The answer, Francis said, was to baptize the Martian, saying that the Holy Spirit impels the Church to accept people (or aliens) no matter how “unimaginable.”

“Who are we to close doors?” the pope asked. 

Of course, the door remains bolted shut when it comes to same-sex marriages. The conclave that Pope Francis has called to discuss the issue isn’t likely to result in any policy changes. So, if you really want to get in the Vatican’s good graces, you might want to paint yourself green. Otherwise, it’s going to be a long wait.

By:           John Gallagher
On:           May 13, 2014
Tagged: , , , , ,

  • 6 Comments
    • Dakotahgeo
      Dakotahgeo

      ROFLMBO!! Pope Francis, his Priesties and Cardinales will do damn near anything to get the membership rolls up. Wait til the Martians find out what they’ve gotten themselves into?! They’ll never return to earth again! This ruse may work!

      May 13, 2014 at 9:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mezaien
      Mezaien

      Hahahaha, what WTF! the IDIOT Catholic, just won`t get it ever.

      May 13, 2014 at 11:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • kevininbuffalo
      kevininbuffalo

      FYI Conclaves elect popes, what Francis has called is a synod, a meeting of bishops.

      May 14, 2014 at 12:00 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981
      Shannon1981

      This Pope is a whole lot better than Ratzinger, but…he’s still Catholic. Which means he still has huge issues with women’s rights and LGBT rights. Really, this isn’t news. We should expect nothing from him.

      May 14, 2014 at 2:47 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stefano
      Stefano

      Stupid answer for a stupid question.

      May 14, 2014 at 7:27 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ben Dover
      Ben Dover

      But what if the aliens are a species that doesn’t have two sexes? They’re unisexual (is that the term?) but they still have marriage, and they still (for some reason) want to get baptized as Catholics?

      LOL – let’s keep peppering Pope Frank with sci-fi hypotheticals like that. Maybe he’ll finally say, okay f*ck it.

      May 14, 2014 at 11:16 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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