We're a big fan of the pontiff's literary bent. Back when he was just Cardinal Radzinger, all he really wanted to do was retire and write a buch of books that would make him the John Updike of Germany, but God wanted him to put his prodigious writing talents in the service of His Holy Name.
So now, slumming it in his back-up career as Pope, Benedict loves to do nothing more than work in literary devices and allusions. While we're still waiting for an onomatopoetic tract on the nature of the Ascension, Benedict's latest opus, which he workshopped in his holiday address over the weekend, says the rainforest and heterosexuality are two sides of the same endangered coin.
From the AP:
"Pope Benedict said on Monday that saving humanity from homosexual or transsexual behaviour was just as important as saving the rainforest from destruction. "(The Church) should also protect man from the destruction of himself. A sort of ecology of man is needed," the pontiff said in a holiday address to the Curia, the Vatican's central administration. "The tropical forests do deserve our protection. But man, as a creature, does not deserve any less…The pope said humanity needed to "listen to the language of creation" to understand the intended roles of man and woman. He compared behaviour beyond traditional heterosexual relations as "a destruction of God's work."
Blah, blah, blah, since when has heterosexuality been "endangered"?, whatever. You know the "Christians say the darndest things" routine already. However, what's absolutely amazing about this is how tortured a metaphor "heterosexuality is a rain forest" really is. Does that make gays and lesbian clearcutting farmers and developers? Is the West Usambara Two-Horned Chameleon a metaphor for foreplay? We want to know more about Benedict's kinky rainforest fetish. Where do we sign up for the papal lit crit course? I already have the title of my first paper in mind: "The Vatican, Vice, Virtue and Totally Fucking Cluelesness: What Happens When You've Never Had Sex in Your Life."
Catchy, right?
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Who says that this guy never had sex before? I wouldn't bet on it, Japhy, until I did a head count of the youths from his village.
I had read it is an open secret in Italy that Benedict's personal assistant, a handsome former tennis pro (and now cardinal) is his lover.
That metaphor doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
HAHAHA!!! So heterosexuality is dark, wet, and full of secrets. Funny thing is I know a priest who has kids, so you know he's had the sex, and he still talks like that…but then again he too is Opus Dei. In my life I have come to realize that if you think Catholics are crazy just wait till you meet the Opus Dei people, shit those people are crazy…mind you my parents are Opus Dei supermuneries, so i know they are crazy from experience. I can also outscarycatholicstory anyone.
That would be Cardinal Gänswein – and yes, it's openly discussed in Italy.
http://www.out.com/detail.asp?page=1&id=21655
They're both (Ratzinger and Gänswein) insanely conservative to compensate. Cock sucking is OK in the Church, so long as you're ashamed, and campaign assiduously against others doing it without shame.
Pardon me, but I seem to recall (from my impressionable youth spent in parochial school in pre-Vatican II days on), that according to orthodox Christian theology, Original Sin is somehow, mystically, intimately tied in with sexuality and reproduction. Adam and Eve (not Adam and Steve, or Addy and Stephanie, let me hasten to remind you!) sinned when they "knew" each other, and work, pregnancy and all the other curses of the nuclear hetero family were the result of the "Fall." In other words, all of us, being the result of two heterosexuals copulating (in wedlock or out) are therefore born in sin. The Da Vinci code and similar conspiracy theories aside, Jesus never apparently married (a very odd thing for a male Jew of his time) and hated the family as an institution, as his words in the Gospels indicate. Saint Paul despised marriage, and only advocated it as a lesser evil than burning in lust for Christian couples, a compromise for the weaker brethern and sistern until the Second Coming, which he believed was imminent. And , of course, Catholic clerics are, theoretically speaking at least, celibate for those reasons. So…
this being the case, shouldn't heterosexuals be regarded as the real sinners and deviants?
So heterosexuality is a rain forest. I think the Pope's got a bit of Dendrophilia goin on there…
…but that would explain the stick up his ass.
How nice! So he's literary. I wonder how many of those books he got from the hands of dead Jews he helped murder as a Hitler Youth?
Everyone in Rome knows he's doing his assistant and has been for years.
Secondly, this is a riff on something Akinola said, along the lines of homosexuality being a threat akin to environmental blight on the rainforest.
These fuckers….honestly. Just DIE you old men!
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Those baby fuckers have absolutely no moral authority until they start turning their child molesters in to the police rather than shift them around the country so they can molest ever more kids.
Fuck the catholic church. And its adherents.
No, I'm not bitter.
He's plain disgusting.
@Jiri: I mean the pope… of course.
my oh my, i have jus been readin some of the comments, and to tell you the truth the way i feel, he does not deserve to falsly preach a load of s**t, how dare he the man with the most power in the world condem someone happiness and fulfilment,mixing up people with TREES, i am officailly not a catholic anyomre, only to the one who truly rules this planet and thats GOD, not any mortal on this earth can tell me the way i feel but myself, the Catholic church has been disgraced AGAIN, with priests taking childrens childhoods away and the pope dictating a load of rubbish, can he really not see the big picture, i always said HE WAS NO GOOD FOR THE JOB, john paul, pope, would be turning in his grave now
I propose Polly Toynbee for "World Anti-Pope"! See her excellent "Christmas message" of today at:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/comm.....s-humanism
Don't miss the delicious paragraph on the piece of research from Innsbruck University which found church-goers to be the most crooked members amongst a random sample!
@ No. 8 · Bob who said 'How nice! So he's literary. I wonder how many of those books he got from the hands of dead Jews he helped murder as a Hitler Youth?'
Don't be silly. Hitler youths did not murder anyone but were just there to protect quarter-Jew Hitler to protect him during the last days of the Rothschild (real name Bauer) instigated second world war.
Her holiness is actually a crypto-Jew (just like his predecessor who worked for IG Farben in Auschwitz and had a child). Making people think Ratzinger was in the Hitler youth is a perfect (well near perfect) cover to get were she is as what she really is!
It's a secret, so don't tell anyone!
@TikiHead: That's a very interesting link, Tiki! Thanks for posting it.
I am still wondering why none of the mainstream press has a headline "Man in skirt says gender blurring a danger.'
Or "celibate says gays endanger continuation of human race."