Faithful readers know that of all our obsessions, two stand out more than some: our historical hard-on and cartoon curiosity. Our friend Andy Georgiou, who pens the clever homo comic strips, Mr. Gisby’s Totally Gay Pet Shop, suggested we post a feature on historic, ambiguously gay cartoon sidekicks. Boo Boo, Yogi Bear’s suspiciously loyal mate, stands out as the most famous, but according to Georgiou, there’s an entire slew of similiarly homo-esque partners.
Since Georgiou proved his Queerty love, we’re proving our reciprocal emotions by posting his entire explanation after the jump. See, we’re not entirely heartless! (Oh, and we take no responsibility for any characters who are outed inaccurately)
THE HISTORY OF THE CLOSET CARTOON SIDEKICK
They are the wind beneath their idol’s wings, their closest pal’s chum, their best buddy’s bitch. Gay history looks at the role of the closeted cartoon sidekick.
Perhaps the most noted member of the cartoon closet is Yogi’s bitch Boo Boo. This nasally, stoner-cub is hopelessly devoted to a bear who don’t care. Crushed by the fact that he will never actually swing his buddy Yogi, Boo Boo does what all closeted young punks do for the guy they secretly love, they assist them in picnic basket robberies. This role was made famous by Sal Mineo in ‘Rebel without a cause’ and homo cartoon sidekicks have been ripping off the act ever since.
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The relationship between Quick Draw McGraw and his short assed donkey sidekick Baba Looey is another textbook case of unrequited love. By playing the role of the accidental hero, Baba Looey expresses his devotion through subtle rescue attempts. The occasional train track rescue and cactus pricks removal routine from Quick draws ass are Baba’s way of saying ‘Fuck, I love you ’.
Asterix and Obelix look like any other couple in Pottery Barn, but this is another one-sided love story. Obelix represents the classic case of a fat closet that acts out his sexual repression by beating up Romans. One can’t blame Obelix for lusting after his handlebar mustached counterpart. Asterix is fit, cute and packs a great lunch in those tights, whilst Obelix is a Euro-queen with man boobs and a fat ass. Like all chubby closets, Obelix will one day come out, lose all the weight and move to New York.
Although they aren’t exactly sidekicks, the Smurfs still qualify for the queer ‘toon history museum. Clearly the Smurfs have ‘daddy issues’ and with the ratio of one Papa Smurf to a thousand needy
homo Smurfs, there ain’t enough daddy lovin’ to go round. Let’s face it: throw in four hundred spandex wearing blue gnomes around a campfire along with a fag hag named Smurfette and you have yourself a circuit party.
From Boo Boo to Baba, these queer cult closets were one of our earliest glimpses into gay characters on television and showed us the perils of falling in love with our straight best mate.
Dick
You left out Porky Pig as the worshipful sidekick in Duck Dodgers in the 25th and a Half Century
Don't Forget
Um don’t forget Vanity Smurf, she was a HUGE queen. And I think Hanna Barbara had a thing for gay toons….how many esses are in Suffering Succotash? Ask SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSnagglepuss.
Cup of Joe
Does Bugs Bunny’s cross-dressing, lip-stick-wearing alter ego count as a sidekick?
My favorites: Bugs Bunny in either 1) wedding gown or 2) southern belle gown.
And what about Gazoo from The Flintstones? Gayest alien EVER!
mattymatt
“Like all chubby closets, Obelix will one day come out, lose all the weight and move to New York.”
With a fate like that to look forward to, no wonder he’s staying in the closet.
ATL malcontent
Heavens to Murgatroid, what about Snagglepuss. One night, in a drunken haze, I came across the “Laff-a-Lympics” on TV, hosted, as you recall, by the pink leopard himself. Quoth Snagglepuss: “Who will be the first to mount Big Ben.”
And check out my blog, ATL malcontent, linked above — Contrarian musings served on the rocks.
Monty
Lets not forget Piglet and Pooh. Piglet obviously had feelings for Pooh.
John
Your presentation is good, but mild: too much water in the whiskey.