The American Family Association has a long history of inciting riots against "pro-gay" companies. They've got their on-and-off hate affair with Wal-Mart. And of course there's their "victorious" campaign against Ford's dalliance with GLAAD.

But how do the "traditional" family focused rabble rousers know which brands to brand enemies of their fundamentalist state? They subject themselves to hours and hours of gay-endorsed television, of course. The group's project summary:

Between February 11 through May 5, American Family Association monitored the top eight prime-time network programs featuring lead or supporting homosexual characters. These programs were specifically identified by the activist-homosexual group GLAAD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) as GLAAD Media Award winners, or as showcasing leading or supporting homosexual characters.

Of the eight shows - The Simpsons, ER, The Office, The Class, Brothers & Sisters, Desperate Housewives, Ugly Betty and Grey's Anatomy - four air on the Disney-owned ABC. That means the AFA's going to have to add the media giant to its list of offenders, which already includes Ford, Verizon and Quaker Oats. The AFA's got quite a battle ahead.

If they're really serious about taking down fag-friendly firms, AFA members should again take GLAAD's advice: the media watch dog has a rundown of all the gay pride month televisuals.

Ten companies to support, as per the AFA [AfterElton]
It's Not TV. It's H-O-M-O. [Good As You]

Talk about timing. Just as politicians gear up to debate The Employment Non-Discrimination Act, the American Family Association offers its dedicated readers a chance to pipe in on the politicized proposal. They write:

Several corporations are now supporting the homosexual agenda. These companies have been convinced by homosexual activists and the mainstream media that in order to be 'fair and tolerant,' companies must make special rules for homosexuals and provide company money and resources to help promote their lifestyle. Many companies, at the urging of these groups, have also begun to support same-sex marriage.

"Special rules"? Ain't nothing special about 'em, dudes. They're simply the same rights already afforded straight couples. That said, it seems to us it's the straights who have "special" rights. Maybe the AFA uses the same dictionary as Family Research Council. How convenient, especially considering many of their members probably don't know the meaning, anyway.

You kids do, of course, so you should head on over and make your voice heard, too. Be sure to enter your security word. Ours was "tendon", which gave us a bit of a laugh.

• Slowly but surely, Madonna's becoming a woman.

• The Jewish Theological Seminary has decided to admit queers. Why can't all religions be so cool?

• A group of techie jokesters hacked Republican presidential hopeful John McCain's MySpace and declared, "Today I announce that I have reversed my position and come out in full support of gay marriage…particularly marriage between two passionate females." This, of course, makes one think of McCain masturbating which leads to severe psychological scarring. Thanks, guys...

• Democratic Representative Barney Frank of Massachusetts on gay marriage: "After a couple years, the average heterosexual person forgets gay marriage is there."

• A church security guard apparently pulled a gun on someone trying to take pictures of Britney Spears. Um, church security guards carry guns?

• Greg Scarnici makes a better looking Fergie than Fergie herself.

• Former American Family Association Attorney Joe R Murray on homophobia: "The gay issue is a human issue, and thus I strongly believe that it must be approached with concern and compassion. Furthermore, the individuals engaging in the debate must recognized that behind the theories there are real life human beings that are made in the image of the Creator." We just shat our pants. In a good way, of course...

• Gay performer Charles Knipp aka Shirley Q. Liquor is apparently "not a racist".

GLAAD once applauded Ford's commitment to supporting the gay community, but they've been mysteriously silent about the company's dissociation from their media awards.

The car company had been slated to sponsor the March 26, event, but the American Family Association-sponsored website, One News Now reports that they've backed out. Not surprisingly, AFA founder Don Wildmon takes some of the credit:

...Wildmon says he believes Ford's cancellation of its sponsorship of the Annual GLAAD Media Awards is another direct result of the boycott by AFA, other pro-family groups, and many Americans in response to the automaker's institutional support of homosexual causes and ideology. AFA also announced last week that Ford would no longer support homosexual publications with advertising.

The American Family Association is up to their boycott tricks once again, this time targeting Swedish home goods and homo-lovers, IKEA. It seems the AFA doesn't approve of the retailers use of homos in their commercials and thinks they're trying to import more than just affordable beds. Okay, whatever, we're not shocked, scandalized or even really that intrigued - AFA boycotts are a dime-a-dozen these days. (They've even recently rejuvenated their age old Ford boycott.)

Anyway, after reading the story, we thought we'd head on over to the AFA's website to poke around a little. We were particularly intrigued by one section: Pray for AFA, on which they implore their readers:

We believe prayer is the chief catalyst God uses to accomplish His purposes in the earth.

We're looking for faithful volunteers who will take just a few minutes each day to pray for the needs and concerns of American Family Association. Our goal is to have a 24/7 nationwide team of prayer partners.

They then have a link through which you can add your name to their totally self-righteous army. We clicked on through to see what that page had to say - not much, really, but we were a little surprised by the amount of time each volunteer must commit: one solid, uninterrupted hour!

It seemed like a hefty holy request at first, until we read their prayer concerns, which includes this:

American Family Association continues to come under attack from the homosexual community. We are considered to be hate-mongers and have been compared to Nazis. Nothing, of course, could be further from the truth. It is precisely because we love those trapped in the bondage of homosexuality that we are willing to speak the truth of the gospel to them. We ask you to intercede that God will continue to deliver and heal homosexuals.

Yeah, they're totally not Nazis, dudes. They have no loyalty to the National Socialists. It's a pure coincidence that they share many of the same political ideologies.

As for the AFA praying "that God will continue to deliver and heal homosexuals" - no thanks, we're doing just fine on our own.

(Image from Justin Hampton.)

Certainly you remember the story on how a group of pious investigators discovered Walmart.com sells "gay books". In an effort to stop their dastardly deeds, concerned consumer Donna Garner gathered a group of homies to raise a stink, telling The Baptist Press:

I think we’ve done a pretty good job in our country of letting Wal-Mart know we’ve not been pleased at all with their decision to back the homosexual agenda.

Of course you're not, honey. And, yes, you have done a "good" job.

As we learned with the Wal-Mart v. American Family Association, the mega store's got a reputation for folding under pressure. Thus, it (unfortunately) comes as no surprise that they've already pulled a number of titles from their online store. The twist comes in a particular genre being targeted: a sexually explicit anime known as Yaoi Hentai and the so-called controversy that boils below.

CONTINUED »

As it's almost Thanksgiving, we headed over to Renew America to see what our favorite American hater, Madeline Crabb, has to say for herself. Sure, we think she's a totally insane twat, but we're thankful she exists - not only do we love to poke fun at her nonsensical arguments, but she stands as a beautiful example of free speech, another thing for which we give thanks.

Anyway, this week Mad Crabb's taken on Wal-Mart. The original piece posted yesterday, before the American Family Association lifted its ban on the discount retailer. Not surprisingly, Crabb used her column inches to deride the store for its alleged - and somewhat anachronistic - homo-love. She even gave it a poetic title, "Say No To Wal-Mart". Pure journalistic genius.

Here's a little taste:

The "Gay," Lesbian, Bi-sexual, and Transgender (GLBT) activists threaten boycotts and other repercussions if corporations don't cater to their special wants. This is why so many corporations have now succumbed to the pressure and offer same-sex domestic partnership benefits. Oh, and let's not forget the diversity training they demand for all those pesky "homophobes" and Christians.

Let's ask ourselves what is more important: saving a few dollars, or honoring God by using his money to support more worthy companies....When Wal-Mart was questioned about what they would do if Christians withheld their business in protest, Wal-Mart officials said they would just lower their prices more to keep Christians coming. They think we value our wallets more than we do biblical principles...Biblical and family values are more important than money, aren't they?

They sure are, Crabbie. Considering Wal-Mart's about-face, however, it seems that you won't be forced to choose between your love of a misread Bible, shitty products and good "family" values. Proof perfect that there is a God, right?

It seems the American Family Association has received their holiday wish: shopping at Wal-Mart! (Which is good, because we were beginning to wonder where they would get their traditional silver Christmas trees.)

After weeks of boycotting the international purveyor of shit over Wal-Mart's apparent support of the homos, the two sides of have reached an "agreement". The company reiterated its political policies in what can only be described as a bland and fairly feckless statement:

We are working hard to make our corporate contributions reflect the values of our customers, communities, and associates. As Sam Walton said, “Each Wal-Mart store should reflect the values of its customers and support the vision they hold for their community.

Wal-Mart will not make corporate contributions to support or oppose highly controversial issues unless they directly relate to our ability to serve our customers.

Wal-Mart does not have a position on same sex marriage and we do not give preference to gay or lesbian suppliers. Wal-Mart does have a strong commitment to diversity among our associates and against discrimination everywhere.

Of course, "diversity" can be read in many ways. It can refer to race, religion, economic background...and, we suppose, it may mean sexuality. It's also worth noting that the company has agreed to use "Christmas" in their sales adverts, rather than the more universal - and sinful? - "holidays".

While the AFA celebrates what it sees as a victory, people on the homo-side of the great cultural divide see things a little differently. Everyone's favorite - er - activist, Joe Solmonese of Human Rights Campaign had this to say:

I don't see it as backpedaling by Wal-Mart...I think the AFA failed, and thought to themselves, 'Let's declare victory and hope nobody notices.'

Not everyone's being so forgiving of Wal-Mart's vague statement.

Chris Kofinis of WakeUpWalMart.com questioned the company's declaration:

[It's] a confusing contortion of words that make it completely unclear whether Wal-Mart still supports equal rights for the (gay and lesbian) community or not, and worse, raises real questions as to whether they caved to the pressure from the religious right...

It raises questions? Really? It seems pretty cut and dry to us. We won't say what we think, but we will say that Wal-Mart clearly knows their customer base. We will also say that we don't remember when we were last in a Wal-Mart. And, really, that says it all.

The American Family Association, those demigods of familial values, has just released an edict urging their members to boycott Wal-Mart over its alliance with National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.

Insisting that said alliance furthers gay causes (or, as Shirley Phelps Roper would say, are "fag-enablers"), the AFA hopes to run Wal-Mart out of business. 365 Gay reports:

Randy Sharp, AFA's director of special projects said he did an online search of Walmart.com using such terms as "gay," "lesbian," "transgender," "bisexual," and "gay marriage".

"They'll come up with hundreds, sometimes even thousands of products relating to homosexuality [and promotion of] the agenda of the homosexual community," Sharp told Christian publication Agape.

AFA is calling "on Christian consumers to spend their dollars elsewhere as a sign of their displeasure with Wal-Mart's pro-homosexual leanings."

We've never thought of Wal-Mart as particularly gay, so to test out the Sharp's theory, we made a list of "gay" things to see if we could find them. And, you know what? We found every last one of them!

So, what was on our list? Poppers, industrial sized butt plug, a goat, "Family" sized Vaseline, barely legal hookers, Mark Foley, crystal meth, spiked necklace, rubber gloves, a gerbil, a gerbil wheel (don't ask), plastic wrap, a clown mask, and Saltines (we've got a sensitive tummy).

There you have it folks, Wal-Mart's a way better place to get your supplies for your next gay orgy than that dumb ol' sex shop.

• Jeff Gannon pays a visit to the Log Cabin Republicans — and wonders why we're interested in the sex lives of journalists. (Our answer? A.C.) [Towleroad]

• Just because Lance Bass visited a gay bar doesn't mean he's gay, right? [ABC News]

• Meanwhile, is the saga of Lance and Reichen Lehmkuhl already over? [Perez Hilton]

• In Provincetown, it's not the straights being accused of throwing around prejudice slurs. [Boston Globe]

• The AFA puffs its chest and declares its boycott of Ford – for the car company's continued ad spending in the gay market – has had a financial effect on the company. Or, you know, Americans aren't buying American cars as often these days anyhow. [Advocate]

• A freshman Texas congressman introduces a new gay marriage ban amendment bill, only this one wouldn't prohibit domestic partnerships and civil unions. [NY Blade]

If the Five Hundred didn't give you cause to look into purchasing a Ford, perhaps the automaker's pro-gay policy will. Unlike Macy's, Ford is willing to stand up to the conservative right-wing, answering the American Family Association's call for a boycott of the company for its inroads in gay advertising with a simple explanation: "We buy advertising to put Ford's message in front of as many customers as possible."

That statement came in an email from Ford's vice president Al Giombetti, who has no plans to pull ad dollars from gay media. Meanwhile, the Ford Motor Company Fund will continue funding Detroit-area gay pride evens, because "[i]t has a community agenda, not a political one, and it supports causes and people from all walks of life."

Never before have we felt so comfortable – and willing – to simply look like a fat checkbook to an American corporation.

Ford defends gay advertising [Pink News]

Hurry while supplies last! Run on over to the American Family Association website where they are selling discount copies of their fraudulent video It's Not Gay, featuring HIV-positive former "ex-gay" Michael Johnston, who recently suffered a "moral fall" that included doing it with several guys at once in Virginia Beach without telling them about his HIV status. That sounds less like a "moral fall" to us and more like a criminal offense.

Fire Sale On Video Featuring 'Ex-Gay' Fraud [Wayne Besen]
Ex-gay leader experiences ‘moral fall’ [Southern Voice]