It seems the American Family Association has received their holiday wish: shopping at Wal-Mart! (Which is good, because we were beginning to wonder where they would get their traditional silver Christmas trees.)

After weeks of boycotting the international purveyor of shit over Wal-Mart's apparent support of the homos, the two sides of have reached an "agreement". The company reiterated its political policies in what can only be described as a bland and fairly feckless statement:

We are working hard to make our corporate contributions reflect the values of our customers, communities, and associates. As Sam Walton said, “Each Wal-Mart store should reflect the values of its customers and support the vision they hold for their community.

Wal-Mart will not make corporate contributions to support or oppose highly controversial issues unless they directly relate to our ability to serve our customers.

Wal-Mart does not have a position on same sex marriage and we do not give preference to gay or lesbian suppliers. Wal-Mart does have a strong commitment to diversity among our associates and against discrimination everywhere.

Of course, "diversity" can be read in many ways. It can refer to race, religion, economic background...and, we suppose, it may mean sexuality. It's also worth noting that the company has agreed to use "Christmas" in their sales adverts, rather than the more universal - and sinful? - "holidays".

While the AFA celebrates what it sees as a victory, people on the homo-side of the great cultural divide see things a little differently. Everyone's favorite - er - activist, Joe Solmonese of Human Rights Campaign had this to say:

I don't see it as backpedaling by Wal-Mart...I think the AFA failed, and thought to themselves, 'Let's declare victory and hope nobody notices.'

Not everyone's being so forgiving of Wal-Mart's vague statement.

Chris Kofinis of WakeUpWalMart.com questioned the company's declaration:

[It's] a confusing contortion of words that make it completely unclear whether Wal-Mart still supports equal rights for the (gay and lesbian) community or not, and worse, raises real questions as to whether they caved to the pressure from the religious right...

It raises questions? Really? It seems pretty cut and dry to us. We won't say what we think, but we will say that Wal-Mart clearly knows their customer base. We will also say that we don't remember when we were last in a Wal-Mart. And, really, that says it all.

The American Family Association, those demigods of familial values, has just released an edict urging their members to boycott Wal-Mart over its alliance with National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.

Insisting that said alliance furthers gay causes (or, as Shirley Phelps Roper would say, are "fag-enablers"), the AFA hopes to run Wal-Mart out of business. 365 Gay reports:

Randy Sharp, AFA's director of special projects said he did an online search of Walmart.com using such terms as "gay," "lesbian," "transgender," "bisexual," and "gay marriage".

"They'll come up with hundreds, sometimes even thousands of products relating to homosexuality [and promotion of] the agenda of the homosexual community," Sharp told Christian publication Agape.

AFA is calling "on Christian consumers to spend their dollars elsewhere as a sign of their displeasure with Wal-Mart's pro-homosexual leanings."

We've never thought of Wal-Mart as particularly gay, so to test out the Sharp's theory, we made a list of "gay" things to see if we could find them. And, you know what? We found every last one of them!

So, what was on our list? Poppers, industrial sized butt plug, a goat, "Family" sized Vaseline, barely legal hookers, Mark Foley, crystal meth, spiked necklace, rubber gloves, a gerbil, a gerbil wheel (don't ask), plastic wrap, a clown mask, and Saltines (we've got a sensitive tummy).

There you have it folks, Wal-Mart's a way better place to get your supplies for your next gay orgy than that dumb ol' sex shop.

The new year has only just begun and conservative are already kicking it off with a bang! Can you say boycotts galore? Ford and the American Family Association have returned for a sequel to last month’s drama, which the car company triumphed. Now a bunch of fundamentalists in Washington want everyone to boycott Hewlett-Packard, Boeing, and Nike.

A pastor on Monday called for a national boycott of Microsoft, Hewlett-Packard and other companies that support a gay civil rights bill, saying the corporations have underestimated the power of religious consumers.

The Rev. Ken Hutcherson, pastor of Antioch Bible Church in the Seattle suburb of Redmond, said he would formally issue the boycott Thursday on the conservative radio show Focus on the Family.
"We're tired of sitting around thinking that morals can be ignored in our country," he said. "This is not a threat, this is a promise. Check out the past presidential election. We made the moral issue the No. 1 issue."

We’d love to see these conservatives toss their new Nikes, toss their HP printers into the trash, and suddenly become very picky over the type of aircraft they fly on their next trip to Orlando for fear of putting money into the pockets of those immoral Nazis at Boeing.

They could just fly on an Airbus jet. But then they’d only be keeping the French in business and we know that they’re immoral terrorists like all of us gays.

AP NewsBreak: Pastor Protests Gay Rights [ABC News]

An Indiana NBC affiliate has decided to remove the new drama The Book of Daniel from it’s line up because of several complaints it’s received from viewers (read: one batshit televangelist told his audience to write). The new show stars hottie Aiden Quinn as a conflicted, pill-popping Episcopal priest with a, shock of shocks, a gay son.

The AFA says NBC is promoting the show as a serious drama about Christians, but calls Quinn’s character “a drug-addicted Episcopal priest whose wife depends heavily on her midday martinis." In a statement, AFA Chairman Donald E. Wildmon said, “We are tired of NBC’s anti-Christian bigotry.” The group also points to a gay character as another problem with the show.

Actually, we at Queerty encourage stupid moves like this by the anti-gay lobby. More publicity for a quality drama that explores actually complex issues. Hell, a few more boycotts and the show might reach number one. Actually, we’re hoping the American Family Association boycotts us.

NBC Affil Drops Daniel [Broadcasting & Cable]
The Book Of Daniel [Official Site]

• The UK held their first same-sex civil unions today with two women being the first to take the plunge. Let's hope these history-making lezzies fair better than their American counterparts. [BBC]

• Our own boss man, David Hauslaib, has gone and landed himself on the 100 people of the year list in USA Today’s Popcandy. We feel a more deserving spot would have been on Out’s 100 list. [USA Today]

• We're still pretty weirded out by the fact that Elton John and Bill Clinton are friends. [The Mirror]

• The Ft. Lauderdale police department is looking to recruit more gays. Start in South Beach. [Sun Sentinel]

• Never ones to feel adequate unless boycotting a company that supports equal rights, the AFA turns against one of their own: Wal-mart. [The Morning News]

Ford’s announcement that it will once again advertise in gay publications and supporting gay events has made the queers happy. But not everyone is running out to buy a Jag to celebrate. The American Family Association is thinking about boycotting the former homophobic car company.

Again.

All we wanted was for Ford to refrain from choosing sides in the cultural war, and supporting groups which promote same-sex marriage is not remaining neutral.

We think AFA meant to insert the words “other than our own” in between “sides” and “in.”

AFA considering boycott of Ford Motor Company [AFA]

• We spotted an Abercrombie-clad Jake Gyllenhaal at M Cafe in Hollywood yesterday lunching with a girl we think we can safely assume was only an assistant. Here's further proof that slender Jake really enjoys regular macrobiotioc meals.

• Robbie Williams takes the Tom Crusie course of action when accused of being a homo. Sue 'em. And win.

• AMERICAblog has unearthed some interesting info about the identities of two Ford officials who met with AFA last week to discuss pulling ads from gay publications. Ford insists its decision was purely a "business" decision. Well we're insisting our boycott is a "business" decision as well.

• France only allows artificial insemination for straights, so dykes in that country are running for the Belgian border in order to get shot up with man juice.

• Boston College has requested a school-sponsored dance lose its gay theme. We don't see why. The only students that show up to those things are fags and fag hags anyway.