Alright, Britney Spears, we know you look great after rehab and all that, but do you really need to be dressing up like some post-apocalyptic ten cent whore? We're so disgusted, we can't even find the words...

Apparently Brit-Brit's ready to speak: our celeb-crazed sibling Mollygood passes along word that the - um - singer's mulling a sit down with Allure. You know...Allure...the go-to for flattering reporting. Not that fuck wad, Matt Lauer - he does nothing but shine light on ugly realities. Allure? They keep things pretty and light.

Also: Britney Spears is a Total Whore [IDLYITW]

• Slowly but surely, Madonna's becoming a woman.

• The Jewish Theological Seminary has decided to admit queers. Why can't all religions be so cool?

• A group of techie jokesters hacked Republican presidential hopeful John McCain's MySpace and declared, "Today I announce that I have reversed my position and come out in full support of gay marriage…particularly marriage between two passionate females." This, of course, makes one think of McCain masturbating which leads to severe psychological scarring. Thanks, guys...

• Democratic Representative Barney Frank of Massachusetts on gay marriage: "After a couple years, the average heterosexual person forgets gay marriage is there."

• A church security guard apparently pulled a gun on someone trying to take pictures of Britney Spears. Um, church security guards carry guns?

• Greg Scarnici makes a better looking Fergie than Fergie herself.

• Former American Family Association Attorney Joe R Murray on homophobia: "The gay issue is a human issue, and thus I strongly believe that it must be approached with concern and compassion. Furthermore, the individuals engaging in the debate must recognized that behind the theories there are real life human beings that are made in the image of the Creator." We just shat our pants. In a good way, of course...

• Gay performer Charles Knipp aka Shirley Q. Liquor is apparently "not a racist".

Michael Brown headed the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), when Hurricane Katrina slammed into the Louisiana coastline, demolishing as many lives as it did homes. Not to mention forever tarnishing our nation's image as the great provider.

Following the disaster, President Bush famously said, “Brownie, you’re doing a heck of a job.” Of course, this is coming from a man who created his own special semi-savant vocabulary. As days progressed, we discovered that, as usual, no one in the White House knew what the fuck was going on.

Instead of spending time and energy to focus on the emergency at hand, they focused on who would take the inevitable fall. The spinning blame game is something that this administration has taken to an Olympic level. It is fairly obvious that Mikey became the Satan of Katrina, because we all know “he’ll eat anything.”

Our favorite trouble-maker, Jack E. Jett had a little chat chat with the man many accuse of being responsible for the decline of western civilization as we know it. A brave chap, Jett wanted to face the alleged evil head on and find out more about his “strategery.” From what we hear, they boys got on famously and Jett remarks, "I found Mr. Brown to be bright, intelligent, far less bitter than he should be and with a great sense of humor".

We should hope so - a stick in the mud would have been washed away long ago.

CONTINUED »

We've received countless emails, telephone calls, smoke signals and telepathic messages from readers begging for Andrew Sullivan's reaction to Ann Coulter's twitchy, defensive appearance on Hannity and Colmes.

Well, the wait is over, patient readers, because old Sullivan's finally put down that bong and released his statement on Coulter's statement that her statement was just a joke.

CONTINUED »

• Army Staff Sgt. Edmundo F. Estrada from Virginia's Fort Eustis has been charged with rape, indecent assault, having an inappropriate relationship with a trainee, and cruelty and maltreatment of subordinates, after another solider alleged Estrada forced him to dress up like Superman and then, well, raped him. He told his victim that he'd previously "help soldiers with their self-confidence and alleviate depression". Um right... Could it be Devery L. Taylor's going to get a cell mate? [Pilot Online]

• The media's been so focussed on Ann Coulter's faggot flinging that no one's acknowledging her suggestion that gays should be Republicans: "Gays make a lot of money and are victims of crime... [And] Republicans are anti-tax and anti-crime." Lane Hudson says she's sort of, not really saying gays should be protected by hate crime laws. Do you agree or do you think Hudson's had a few too many poppers? [News From The Left]

• Long Hill, New Jersey mayor and practicing lesbian Gina Genovese will be running for Senator. That's really all you need to know. [The Star Ledger]

• Soulforce rides again! And they're coming to a town near you! [Soulforce]

• So, too, are Scissor Sisters! [Scissor Sisters]

• We knew it all along: Britney Spears is the anti-Christ! [Mollygood]

• Rich old tax evader and gay marriage activist Charles Merill wants to be the next non-gay gay artistic messiah. To this end, he's entered a painting into Charles Saatchi's art competition, Smackdown. And, not surprisingly, he wants you vote. How do we know? He sent out his own press release. [Earth Times]

• DNC Chairman Howard Dean on the late AIDS activist, Bob Hattoy: "This weekend, America lost a true champion for justice. Aside from being a fierce advocate on causes ranging from LGBT rights and HIV issues, to civil liberties and the environment, Bob Hattoy was a wonderfully charming man with a tremendous sense of humor... Through Bob's life and service to our country, we are all reminded of the need to do more to encourage greater participation of all Americans, including gays and lesbians, in our political process." [365 Gay]

• We have to give a huge thanks to reader Nathan, for he led us to this Marvel Comics-endorsed website where you can make your own super hero. It's fucking rad and you should go make one. Here's our first attempt: Ass Licker! And, yes, the exclamation mark's part of his name. You have to say it like that: "Ass Licker!" no matter what, even if you're whispering. His power: he licks ass, of course. We expect he'll have some friends soon. [heromachine]

• Speaking of heroes, Britney Spears apparently has three: her mama, her ex and her lawyer. We'd argue the third's the most powerful. [TMZ]

• Here's a heroic Hebrew: orthodox Rabbi Steve Greenberg. He's lent his voice to the great gay marriage debate. His argument revolves around the necessary distinction between civil matters and those of faith: "By denying the right to civil unions, states are in violation of civil rights..." [Emory]

• Yee-haw! It's time for the Gay Rodeo, y'all. [Dallas Morning News]

• Sounds like Kenneth Hill needs a trip to that there Gay Rodeo. He's getting all nostalgic for Brokeback. [QueerSighted]

• Meanwhile, Rupert Everett's hosting Sydney's Mardi Gras. Naked. Okay, not naked, but he's apparently at a loss at what to wear. Also, Also, he's got a new book out. Not sure if you've heard... [Sydney Morning Herald]

• Now that you're mind's been completely blown by Hilary Duff's incredible charisma, you may be interested to hear that pot activists, Americans for Safe Access have filed a lawsuit against the federal government. Basing their argument on last week's study affirming marijuana's medicinal affects in HIV patients - that is, the patients getting high felt way better than those getting a stupid placebo - the ASA hopes to end the government's reign of bummer-inducing tyranny. [CBS News]

• Meanwhile, the democracy-seeking Second Life Liberation Army has launched its first attack against cyber-world Second Life - blowing up an American Apparel and Reebok stores, thus sparking what may become a virtual war on terror. One militant member said, "The population of the world should have a say in the running of the world". Um, he does know Second Life doesn't really exist? [Second Life Liberation Army]

• Utah-based journo Jay Walker's blowin' up Fred Phelps and Friends' spot. He thinks that if the "God Hates Fags" protesters insist on blowing Leviticus out of proportion, they'd better start practicing the Bible's other "outrageous" laws, like stoning rape victims. [The Daily Utah]

• Come hell or high water, New York Bishop Mark Sisk will not let the Anglican Communion blow up his moral integrity. Of the group's prescribed ban on the American Episcopal's gay loving ways, Sisk says, "I am not in the least prepared to make any concession that strikes at the heart of my conviction that gay and lesbian people are God's beloved children." Go on, girl! [NYDN]

• Speaking of girls going on: is Britney Spears looking to blow up the world record for most rehab visits in a week? [Jossip]

• The Roxy will close its doors on March 10th. It'll will be blown up a few days later. [Joe. My. God.]

• Go blow up David Lachapelle's spot at Soho's Taschen store. In turn, he'll sign your copy of his new book and give you an invite to the after party. It's going on right now, you'd better get going. And so should we... [Gothamist]

• A group of young Dominican monks got in a bit of trouble for making a music video for The Village People's "YMCA" in a Warsaw church. Officials said it promoted homosexuality in the Catholic Church. Oh, please, that one's almost too easy...

• Britney Spears went back to rehab. We give it, oh, about twelve hours...

• Oh dear god, no! Advertising companies are looking into beaming adverts to people's cell phones.

• Some dude just started a website "to help reduce homophobic behavior and ignorance surrounding the use of the word Gay". Apparently signing up for an email address there will help put an end to bigotry. We're skeptical. Also, if there were no homophobes, we'd lose half our content.

• Anglicans aren't fucking around on that whole gay marriage thing.

• Two magic words: gay and Dynasty. Have at it...

• Anderson Cooper made himself available to the highest bidder for an AIDS auction charity. The winning bid? $21,000. The winner? Brit bachelor Oliver Hicks. [Page Six]

• Brad Pitt. Shirtless. Smoking. On a motorcycle. Pics. [MollyGood]

• You care immensely about Britney Shears, right? [Dlisted]

• Leader of Iraqi GLBT advocacy group met with open arms – and applause – at London conference [UKGN]

• Anglican Church tries to get its shit together. [AP]

• Always lovely to see black press supporting homophobia. [Black News Weekly]

• Nigerians speak up for GLBT rights. [GCN]

• Doctor Who's John Barrowman's biggest complaint: being too well endowed. [Sky]

• HIV positive? Smoke weed everyday!

• Think HIV doesn't cause AIDS? You're "beyond stupid", says doctor who discovered HIV.

• Donating money to anti-gay-nup campaigns? "That's a waste", says allegedly gay Florida Governor Charlie Crist.

• Named Britney Spears? Rabbi Shmuley Boteach has some words for you.

• Looking to boost American Idol's fear factor? Hire Michael Jackson to "mentor" contestants.

• Banning Chisinau, Moldova's gay pride? That's illegal, says Supreme Court.

• NFL disses AfterElton! Prefers GLAAD fags! (Suckers!)

• Shocker: studios still won't hire gay actors!

• Run for your lives! The gay bear internet wars have begun!

• Donald Trump loves Rudy Giuliani's titties!

• John Edwards caved! Fired bloggers!

• Britney Spears can't get enough vagina! She loves it! She wishes she could lick it right now. If you had a vagina, she'd probably lick it and then say, "Damn, I love vagina"! (We can't stop exclaiming! Someone call for help!)

• Heatherette loves Human Rights Campaign so much, they're putting it on a t-shirt.

• Former Catholic priest Chris Carpenter disapproves so strongly of the Church's homo-hating ways, he quit.

• Is Britney Spears so 'Fed Up', she wrote a song about it?

• GLAAD so objects to Isaiah Washington, they've released a statement. (Naturally.)

• Russian gays so want their parade, they're taking the issue to EU's Human Rights court.

• The Ex-Gay Movement has been so busy this week, they have an entire rap sheet.