Catholics are waging war against Bill Maher, who recently took some time to not mourn Evangelical Reverend Jerry Falwell.

During his riotous oration on his HBO show, Real Time with Bill Maher, the 51-year old comedian suggested that gays may gain more rights if we just started a rear-ended religion and offered some clever excuses for gay sex:

We weren't having sex, officer, I was performing a very private Mass, here in my car. I was letting my rod and staff comfort him. Take this and eat of it, for this is my roommate Barry.

Hilarious, right? Not according to conservative media watchdog group, Media Research Center.

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Italy's Democrats of the Left party reaffirmed their support of gay rights in the primarily Catholic country. Speaking after Sunday's so-called "Family Day" (a conservative orgy of the traditional variety), party leader Piero Fassino told the press: We will not step back from recognizing the rights of homosexuals." Fassino also promised to support the controversial same-sex amendment.

Catholic World News reports:

"Secularism will not give in" to religious principles, Fassino said. As for the proposal to grant legal recognition to same-sex unions, he said that the principle of equal rights for homosexuals is "a non-negotiable and absolute value."

Fassino went on to tell the press that he and his queer-loving comrades will march in the Pride Festival on June 16th. Not surprisingly, conservatives wagged a faggot-hating finger. We've got a finger for them, too...

Spanish artist Salvador Luna and his partner, Antonio Hernández, have come up against some opposition over their newest show, 1 + 1 = Nous. The ceramicists' commentary on gay marriage had been scheduled to open at Sótano Uno hall this month, but now it may not see the light of day.

The venue in question once counted itself part of a convent. Though it hasn't been used as such in years, one Catholic priest objects to showing a gay-themed show in the once holy space. Calling for an end to the exhibit, Father Gonzalo Martín says:

What [the artists] are saying is that two men kissing makes a family, and this is their opinion, not that of the Church. We are doing no more in objecting than insisting that the Town Hall complies with the terms of the agreement we signed in handing over the convent. It states specifically that no activities are to be allowed to take place there that are contrary to Church teachings.

Martín also objected to a post showing Luna (pictured) and Hernández in a loving lip-lock.

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Some haters are gunning for homo hating Catholic Archbishop Angelo Bagnasco. Bagnasco (pictured, slouching like a heathen) has been a vocal opponent to Italy's proposed civil unions - and equating homosexuality with incest - a position that garnered him some graffiti around town, which reads: "Shame on you, Bagnasco", according to Javno.

The Archbishop's tormentors turned up the heat Friday, however, when they sent the head of the Italian Bishops Conference a bullet. The package also included a picture of Bagnasco with a swatika cut out of it, according to a Vatican Radio report.

International Herald Tribune elaborates:

Bodyguards stood a few meters (yards) from the altar Sunday in Genoa's cathedral as Bagnasco celebrated Mass. They were assigned a few weeks ago after graffiti threatening Bagnasco were scrawled on buildings.

Vatican Radio quoted the archdiocese's spokesman, Carlo Arcolao, as calling the recent threats work of "very small and psychologically weak fringes."

The bishops conference spokesman, the Rev. Domenico Pompili, told Vatican Radio that "it is not the intention of the Church to fuel a clash that it never went looking for."

Well, that's not entirely true: the conference has toed Vatican party line by opposing same-sex marriage. So they did, in fact, look for the fight. They just didn't bank on a potentially armed rebellion.

Frankie D is used to being seen as a wild man. Look at him: he's a hairy beast! Despite his follicular bounty, Frankie's not keen on being labeled a bear. In fact, it's probably best you don't label him anything. This New York City bartender and student's one in a million.

For full disclosure, we've been friends with Frankie since the beginning of time. Well, at least since editor Andrew Belonsky used to work at a now defunct Chelsea coffee shop. He was eighteen, Frankie was twenty.

Despite their history, Belonsky's never had a real opportunity to pick Frankie's brain. So, in the interest of The Wild Issue, we enlisted Interview's Lucas Lai to do a little NYC photo shoot, after which Belonsky and Frankie went to one of their favorite fag dives, The Boiler Room, to get a little wild with a tape recorder.

Read the grizzly results, after the jump...

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Larry Cirignano better count his blessings. The former head of Catholic Citizenship - a group that has made it its mission to protest gay marriage - has been arraigned on charges of misdemeanor assault and battery as well civil rights violations against pro-gay activist Sarah Loy.

The arraignment stems from a December 12th protest during which an enraged Cirignano allegedly pushed Loy to the ground, saying, “You need to get out. You need to get out of here right now." Loy had been protesting the Citizenship's protest against gay marriage. She suffered minor injuries, but wants Cirignano to pay for his civil sins.

No trial date's been set, but Cirignano plead not guilty. Another arraignment has been scheduled for May 1st. In the meantime, Cirignano has been ordered to stay away from Loy, nor can he attempt to contact her in anyway.

Cirignano pleads not guilty [Bay Windows]
Gay Marriage Foe Arraigned On Charges Stemming From Demonstration [365 Gay

• Simon Doonan's job is just one challenge after another. He had to travel down to Dallas to organize a fashion show and then comment on the designs! Things got so hectic that he couldn't remember the model's names! How'd he cope? By breaking every stereotypical moniker rule in the book:

...I had no time to gather their names. This left me with no choice other than to assign fake monikers. I gave all the white Nordic girls names like Taneesha and Shaneequa. All the black gals got Euro-trash, aristo-sounding names like Fabuleena and Fallopia. To the male models, I assigned more straightforward names like Irving and Igor.

That's some wild shit, Doonan. [NY Observer]

• The NAACP and Jasmyne Cannick are not homies, okay? [Jasmyne Cannick]

• The ACLU and some faglings fought successful to establish a GSA at California's Madera High School. Go team! [San Diego Union-Tribune]

• People love the Queerty-sponsored, Svedka-stocked, (New York's best new gay bar) eastern bloc-housed Wednesday party, Good Times! [twerking]

• Meanwhile, Iranian Pop stars love making fun of Mullahs through music! [Radar]

• Philosophy! What is it good for? Everything when discussing homosexuality through the thoughts and theories of Thomas Aquinas and how they relate to the Catholic Church. [Stephen Law]

• Richard Rothstein and Madame are daytime drinking buddies. We think they need to invite us next time they go on an afternoon binge. [QueerSighted]

• Here ye, here ye! We're now officially naming reader Tracy the nerdiest, most fabulous person in human history. She sent us an email informing us that she once worked on a Teen Witch "Where Are They Now". While time and endless drug abuse/sluttery have destroyed most of her brain cells, she still remembers a thing or two. Details (and a picture of Louise's little brother grown into a somewhat alarming man) after the jump.

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It seems like the Anglicans aren't the only church duking it out. A survey in Italy's la Repubblica shows that 67% of Italian Catholics support that proposed civil partnership law that will grant limited rights to same-sex couples. Although, it must be noted, only 35% of those people actually think gays deserve the rights. So, really, 32% support a bill that only applies to sinful living straights. But, pro-gayers still have the majority.

Speaking of majority, 80% of Italians, Catholic or not, support the bill, which means that busy-body Pope Benedict XVI has set himself up against most of the country when he said on Monday:

...The confusion at the level of marriage and the failure to recognize what it means to be humane, from conception until death, leaves us to think we are in a period where humanity does not really exist.

It is necessary in personal life, as well as in public life, to have the courage to tell the truth and to pursue it. I invite the civil authorities to show courage.

Politicians publicly derided the church for interfering in social rule. Family Minister Rosy Bindi - a Catholic woman who supports Prime Minister Romano Prodi passage of the bill last week - says, "I like the Church that concerns itself with matters of God".

If the Vatican intend to argue that God's concerned with the future of Italian society, they re-read a letter sent to them by prominent Catholics which worries that the debate may "plunge Italy back in a situation of conflict between being a believer and being a citizen". From the looks of it, however, that's what Bennie and his boys are hoping.

Things are heating up over in Italy. Tomorrow Prime Minister Romano Prodi will lead a debate on a bill that will allow unmarried couples - homos included - to register for state-sponsored benefits. Of course, his Pope Benedict XVI and his faithful friends have loads to say about gay unions, none of it good, including:

Projects aimed at granting improper legal recognition to forms of unions other [than traditional marriage] appear dangerous and counterproductive as they inevitably weaken and destabilize the legitimate family based on matrimony.

Though the Vatican would like to think it exercises considerable power over the primarily Catholic nation, a public opinion poll suggests otherwise. Bloomberg News reports:

Two-thirds of Italians favor legalization of de facto couples, regardless of sexual orientation, Rome-based research institute Eurispes said in its 2007 annual report released Jan. 26. Among practicing Catholics, 45 percent are against, a separate poll by SWG Srl showed.

Those Catholics will prove invaluable as the Vatican mobilizes its rank-and-file against the measure. Of course, it still seems like they're outnumbered. Thank the totally mythically, culturally concocted gods.

Pope Benedict XVI may officially speak for the Catholic Church, but does he really speak for the Catholic Church? Apparently not. An Italian magazine got all sneaky and sent 24 reporters to test the holy waters by confessing fabricated sins. While would one expect priests to follow Benny and friends' staunch statutes against stem-cell research, gays and the such, the results show a chasm in conviction.

One reporter asked a Naples friar whether or not she should take his lifeless father off life support, to which the priest replied,

Don't think any more about it. I myself, if I had a father, a wife or a child who had lived for years only because of artificial means, would pull out [the plug].

Meanwhile, another priest told a gay man that he needn't live his life in the closet: "Generally, the best attitude is to be yourself - what in English is called 'coming out'."

Upon hearing the news, Benedict swore to God Almighty that he would eat every single one of their brains. When someone asked whether or not that would make him a murderer, the Pope laughed before biting of their face. He was later appeased by news that all of the priests vehemently oppose abortion.

It's the little things in life...

In what can only be described as the most unholy of holy unions, Orthodox Jews and Catholic leaders are planning a homo-hating tag-team over Italy's proposed same-sex marriage vote. A representative from the 850-heeb strong Rabbinical Alliance of America had an "emergency meeting" with Vatican officials on January 2nd to strategize against the international same-sex marriage campaign.

Although Orthodox Jews are forbidden to participate in inter-theological discussion, RAA representative Rabbi Yehuda Levin maintains the necessity of the unprecendented event:

We can no longer respond to these pressures in a piecemeal manner. A reenergized religious leadership needs to reassert its role in protecting the family—24/7... We must join together with the Vatican, and with all others, who defend the family, lest we end up as Sodom and Gomorrah.

We must join together and go on the offensive against those who seek to undermine the G-D-given values that form the basis of our civilization—the Abortionists, the Internet Pornographers, and the Radical Homosexuals.

It's a bit queer that he refers to marriage-oriented homo as radical considering they're trying to participate in one of the most traditional institutions in history.

Levin also neglects to address the fact that the majority of Italians (70%, according to a recent survey) disapprove of the suggested vote. Is it possible they're jumping the gun a little bit on this one? They are, after all, breaking religious precedent for something that's most likely not going to happen, anyway.

As for the kippahed kitty cat - we couldn't find an acceptable picture of Levin, we're tired of the Pope in his pretty red hat and we think they're all a bunch of pussies, so it's fitting. Also, we've never seen a Jewish cat, have you?

• Those kids over at Best Week Ever have the biggest hard-on for Pope Benedict XVI's alleged boyfriend, Monsignor Georg Gänswein. And when we say "the biggest", we mean it would choke even the biggest pig bottom. Yeah, that's big. [BWE]

• Reviving an old debate, a Democratic Oregonian Governor-elect Ted Kulongoski-endorsed task force has recommended the state allow civil unions. Haha, Republicans, try to veto that shit now, motherfuckers. [365 Gay]

• Barbara Walters remains diplomatic on the Rosie O'Donnell/Donald Trump throw-down. A wise woman, that Babs. A wise woman, indeed... [Star]

• Even the judicial system think's Anna Nicole Smith's a lying slag - she's been ordered to allow a paternity to test to determine if "hubbie" Howard Stern or ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead can call themselves the proud father. [Detroit Free Press]

• New Yorkers already know that terrorists could blow-up the train system. We really didn't need a reminder. [CBS]

• Mitt Romney's one step closer to announcing his candidacy for president. Kind of shitty news for this festive holiday, but it's not always pretty. And neither's the prospect of that scum bag running our country. Good thing he doesn't seem to have much of a chance. [Forbes]