What I wouldn’t give to be one of Kathy Griffin’s gays.

Joel Stein of The Los Angeles Times infiltrates Griffin and her gang of “gays” who she gets together with each week to participate in one of Queerty’s favorite activities: watching trashy reality TV. And the sassy ladies know how to party; they’ve all attended Backstreet Boys concerts, Janice Dickinson’s new one-woman show (a commentator’s dream) and also arrange cool scavenger hunts for Shannon Elizabeth’s birthday with the most ball-busting mission ever:

“The biggest argument of the meeting splits the group in two: Kelly Clarkson is performing in Las Vegas the same weekend as the annual Shannon Elizabeth scavenger hunt, which they organize with the Showgirls actress for her birthday. The winner is the first one to find Elizabeth's career.”

Stein proves how unworthy he is of basking in Griffin’s queenness by confusing Showgirls star Elizabeth Berkeley with the far less entertaining Elizabeth. How so very hetero of him.

A true gay would never make such a terrible mistake. Kathy, call me.