• Lesbian grocery store owners in Nepal are being harassed by homophobic soldiers. It's foolish for many reasons, but mostly because everyone knows you just don't mess with people that serve your food. [New Kerala]

• Want to know if you're neighbor's a homophobe? Well now you can. [Know Thy Neighbor]

• Texas' same-sex marriage ban might not be the worst thing to hit the state's gay community. A serial killer sounds like a much bigger problem. [Star-Telegram]

• We excitedly mentioned the possibility of gay unions in Australia yesterday. Today not so much. [The Australian]

• We're off until Tuesday, but we wanted to leave you all with a holiday gift: footage of a rumpshaking Jake Gyllenhaal and his Santa Claus hat. Enjoy. [A Socialite's Life]

Christmas is just a hop, skip, and a jump away and you still haven’t bought a damn thing. Never fear ‘cause Queerty’s here with a hand quick and easy gift guide for all those people in your life who don’t deserve crap but who you feel obliged to give something to anyway.

The Accepting Mother. She’s gayer than you are. Buy her the P-Flag t-shirt. [PFLAG]

The Sweep It Under The Rug Mother. She’d prefer you not tell the relatives just like Oprah prefers that Nate Berkus not tell her female audience about his “friends.” The Oprah Winfrey Show DVD is what you need. [Amazon]

The You Haven’t Told Your Mother But You Will on Christmas. Only one option here, The Bible. [Amazon]

Your Crazy Ass Right Wing Jesus Freak Aunt. Sorry about this one but we just had to. (NSFW) [Extreme Restraints]

More loot after the jump.

[Read On ...]

As if releasing a document banning gays from the Priesthood wasn't frightening enough, Pope Benedict decides to don a Santa hat.

And you thought The Grinch was creepy.

It's Holy Father Christmas as pope dons traditional hat [Breitbart]

• Robert Mapplethorpe makes it to Cuba finally. The exhibit of iconic photographer's work is a symbol of just how far attitudes towards homosexuals have changed. [ABC]

• Rich over at Four Four dissects Throbbing Gristle’s classic and Billie Ray Martin’s cover of “Persuasion.” We love both versions, but definitely choose Billie. And it has nothing to do with that fact that she reads Queerty. [Four Four]

• Is this a joke? Or is this queen serious about his desire to win weblog awards? Oh wait, he advertises with us. He must be serious. [Brat Boy School]

• And now we cannot wait for the biggest bitch in blogging to attack. We smell a blog bitch fight! [Vividblurry]

• Like American Apparel, we are all about sodomy during the holidays. Except not with reindeers. [American Apparel]

The week before her classic Christmas show comes back to NYC, drag legend Jackie Beat caught up with Bradford Shellhammer to talk about this year’s show, the drag queens she loves, and the one she absolutely hates.

So Jackie, what is in store for us this Christmas? What is the theme of the show?

Hmmm, I guess if there's any theme, other than "Gee, I sure would like to make TONS of money right about now!" it would have to be the usual warm and fuzzy stuff that seems to always come up around this time of year: binge drinking, illegal drug use, overeating, domestic violence. I'd like to think my annual holiday show is like a really hot but abusive bisexual Eastern European boyfriend. He's got that naturally beefy, moderately hairy body and works some super sexy blue-collar job like lifting things. He's gorgeous and the best sex you've ever had, but he slaps you around. You keep promising yourself you're not going back, but it's just too good so you put up with the abuse. Yeah, I think that describes my holiday show.

How is Hollywood treating you?

Great. I mean, what's not to love? The weather is beautiful, the boys are beautiful, and I’m beautiful! Well, if you stand back and squint. Now, turn your head a little. I'm just going to dim the lights a bit, okay? There! See? I'm beautiful! Seriously, having grown up in Arizona I feel more at home on the west coast. I have a huge 2 bedroom place with a big backyard and my two precious dogs and my Pontiac Grand Am and a closet that's bigger than my old New York apartment. Don't get me wrong, I adore NYC. But it's like heroin: It used to be my whole life, but now I've kicked my addiction to it and I only indulge occasionally and in moderation. You know, on special occasions like the American Idol finale or Columbus Day.

After the jump jackie tells how she lost all that weight and which drag queen she hates.

[Read On ...]

• HX has a shopping guide for the "12 Gays of Christmas." Squeeze your friends into one of these stereotypes and all your holiday shopping is done.

• Or you can get everyone on your list the new Lady Bunny DVD. Rated X for Xtra-retarded. View the trailer here.

• Ang Lee tells Gay.com that Brokeback Mountain “is a gay love story.” Now if only someone would tell Jakey.

• George Michael is planning on getting married in England, but not the “whole veil and gown thing.” He’ll leave that to Elton.

• The Log Cabin Republicans want an investigation of a drag show at the University of Missouri because it “made fun of heterosexuals and featured simulated sex acts.” And some of you wonder why we make fun of those Log Cabin sissies.

Any good queer has already put to bed his final Thanksgiving menu and has already begun planning the glittery and snow-covered extravaganza of Christmas! And if you are not Christian, Christmas is still fun to celebrate. Think eggnog, presents, and snowman sweaters! These are things everyone should love.

In the past we have gone all out Martha at Christmas, putting out our Poinsettias, stringing pearls on our fresh tree, and roasting both a ham and a turkey. This year we are going modern and kitsch. And you should too.

The tinsel tree is a fun, fagtastic way to make any home a happy one for the holidays. You do not have to water them and if you hate the color green you are in luck! Tinsel trees come in the gayest colors: gold, silver, pink, baby blue, and orange!

Many kitsch specialty shops in your town will carry these guys. eBay also has a huge selection. Our pick is West Elm’s 5 foot silver tree. It is the perfect size and looks great with a color scheme of two or three colors. We’re doing pink and green. But really any color would work. These trees are so fabulous that even a colorblind queen could do no wrong.

• Though he dissed us in his diss of Madonna we are still loving Rich’s site. His Madonna commentary is not our feelings exactly, but we think he makes many valid points. But coming from a Janet Jackson fan, you gotta take it all with a grain of salt. Check out the comments section in the Madonna thread for more on the subject of Madge and The Gays.

• Two women with better vocal chops and songwriting abilities than Madonna are releasing albums today. Run and get the new stellar albums by Kate Bush and Cyndi Lauper. Rolling Stone agrees with us. Then again, they like the new Madonna a lot too.

• The B Squad is back. Their movie is titled Valtrex, and obviously it’s not safe for work.

• Club Fly is just what the homo traveler needs. It’s Google Maps for gay bars and will be a valuable travel companion when you’re in a foreign city and want to get friendly with the locals.

• Last week we told you about Jackie Beat’s garage sale. Tickets for her Christmas show are now on sale. It is the funniest show of the year.

• “When he told me he was gay I wanted to take a lamp and bash him in the face with it," is what author Terry McMillan says about her husband’s outing himself. Oprah will hear the whole story on Wednesday.