We've just received an email from our friends at Out Magazine asking for a little help. (Yeah, we couldn't believe it, either.) It seems their on the prowl for the funniest, most side-splitting, knee-slappingest gay joke this side of Gayville.

We directed them to our sporadic series, Hardy Har-Har: Stupid Gay Humor, but we have a feeling they may be looking for something a little more special.

So, they're requesting that you, our attractive and oh-so-silly readers submit your favorite faggot funnies. The winner will not only get to see his or her joke in print but - wait for it - their name! Exciting, no?

Send all your comedic masterpieces to Jlamphier@out.com with "Joke" in the subject line. We're sure they'll love you forever. Or, at least, until someone funnier comes along.

Here's the catch: the deadline's tomorrow. Short notice, yes, but what else are you going to do tonight?

What's that? You've got plans? Can we come?

Advocate coverboy band Dangerous Muse is performing at Chicago's Gay Games on Wednesday, July 19 — and we've got a pair of tickets with your name on it, courtesy PINK magazine.. Interested in seeing this hot electropop twosome? All you've got to do is email us at holla@queerty.com with your name, mailing address, phone number, and a line or two on why you deserve these tickets — and we'll pick the winner. Don't worry, you won't be added to any mailing lists. Just promise you'll send us photos from the concert, aiight?

Meanwhile, we're also interested in whether you'll be doing like Ozzie Guillen and attending this year's Gay Games, so let us know below.

While we'll likely be out in full force here in New York to help celebrate Gay Pride, we want you, our faithful readers, to help us in covering it! We want your photos and video clips – whether delivered via Flickr, YouTube, or email – of your gay pride experience, whether it's in New York or elsewhere.

What do you get in return? Free T-shirts, of course! And not just any T-shirt, but one of those much sought after "gay? fine my me" tees from our friends at FineByMe.org, an equal rights advocacy group helping gay men and women come out and be proud of their identity. They retail for $20 (plus shipping), so just think of the savings!

We'll randomly select among all submissions and distrbute as many tees as we've got (about 10 or so).

When submitting, please include your name and mailing address, as well as your size and color preference. (We've got small, medium, and large in black, blue, green, and, of course, orange.) Send away to holla@queerty.com.

Alan Cumming has decided to give five lucky Queerty readers a little piece of himself. The first five people to email info@cummingthefragrance.com with "Queerty" in the subject line will win a bottle of Cumming.

Good luck, girls!

Because we loved Naked Boys Singing so much the other night, we're going to be giving away a pair of tickets to the NYC show. All you have to do is shoot us an email with the answer to the following question:

What recent Queerty interviewee is listed as one of the shows writers? Hint: He is member of a certain Club on TV and loves his Hairspray.

This morning we told you about the Jackie Beat Christmas show. We have a pair of tickets to the show for the queen who writes the best Christmas/Jackie haiku. Send it to us and we’ll pick a winner by day’s end.

Yesterday we interviewed Ari Gold and today we are giving him away. Well, not really. But we do have a copy of his hot new CD and a book of sexy postcards featuring images from his new coffee table book. And both will be personally autographed for one lucky winner.

What do you need to do? Simple. Shoot us an email and tell us how you’d photograph Mr. Gold if given the opportunity. Short and sweet answers are what we like, so don’t write a book. The winning entry will be notified by tomorrow. Good luck.

• The first queen who can name all three gold Village People singles will score a pair of tickets to Sodom: The Musical and entrance to the opening night party at an undisclosed space in NYC’s East Village. Email us here.

• We told you how much we loved Oklahoma before. After seeing the new Miss Bamboo we may have changed our minds.

• Madonna is performing at the MTV Europe Music Awards tomorrow. Ready your TiVo, girls.

• We too like to “imagine the effects of an openly gay NASCAR driver.” And usually those thoughts involve being pinned down in his back seat.

• Spokane mayor wishes he had never gone online. We only say that when sent fake pics.

The competition was fierce. You queens have some dirty minds. But the winners have been chosen. Congratulations Steve and Charles.

Steve’s collage of Michael Lucas and the Qweerty keyboard came in second place. Charles’ high-concept collage was the hand’s down winner. He explains:

It's an homage to the founding fathers of Internet porn, those great men who looked at this new technology, and thought not to themselves, "how can I use this to make a better world?" but instead thought, "goddamn this is an exhibitionist's dream, who wants to watch me wank?!" Forgive me a quick history lesson if this isn't ringing any bells: In 1993, CUSeeMe was the first webcam software. When combined with the B&W Logitech camera (looked like a golf ball but captured enough pixels to "arouse" interest in it) it could open up your desktop to the world. While some were using it to watch NasaTV, most were lurking in #cuseemesex watching a brave new world open up for safe sex.

My image is a mockup of a high-resolution version of what you saw with CUSeeMe. In the early 90s net speeds were slow, compression was not as effective and the camera quality to begin with was petty poor. So this image harkens back to that era but with an image captured on a modern digital camera thrown into the mix. Things to note:

- The username (top middle) is "queertyLuvr"
- "queerty <3" is scrawled on my member. An old webcam party game.
- The ink goes on easy but comes off hard.

Anyway you get the point, I love Queerty, now, do you love me?

Honey, we love anyone who will sign our name across their penis. How could we not?

The two NOT SAFE FOR WORK AT ALL images are after the jump.

[Read On ...]

The gays love porn. So it makes total sense to give you queens what you want. It is time for another contest and this time the winner gets a lot more than a shirt. They get the gift that keeps on giving. Orgasms that is.

Our pal Mr. Michael Lucas is hooking up two of our winners with a DVD. One of you will win a copy of Lucas Entertainment’s Dangerous Liaisons and the other will receive the still unreleased Auditions 5.

So, now you want to know what you need to do to win. Here it is: Send us an image file. It can be a photo, a collage, a drawing, anything. But it has to include some sort of love for either Queerty, Mr. Lucas, or both.

Gays are supposed to be creative. Get it together and you could win a chance to get off with our help.

Queerty headquarters received a box of shirts from one of favorite clothing companies Gama Go over the weekend. Rather than hoard them all for ourselves we are going to share with you, our fashionable and fabulous friends.

We have some T-shirts, sized large, to give away. No we do not have any extra small sizes. The shirts are cut on the smaller size so deal with it Mary. Besides, we are over the too-tight shirt look anyway. You may ask how do I win one of these great shirts?

Email us and tell us why you are deserving of the shirt more than the next gay. Do you volunteer? Are you a good friend? Do you have a rock hard chest that will fill the shirt in all the right places? Let us know, and hell, send us a pic if you want.

Winners will be notified on Friday. So hurry up!