• The 911 call that's sure to be a classic.

• Keith Boykin on Bobby Brown's anti-gay tirade, sexual panic and hate crime legislation.

• Which Republican presidential candidate will shed the most publicist-endorsed tears for Jerry Falwell's death?

• Some gay San Franciscans won't be shedding any tears for Jerry Falwell. They're planning an anti-memorial. Whoa. That's a. unnecessary and b. makes gay people look like jerks.

• California high school student Johnny Vera has our undying respect. This ballsy fucker's not only transgender in high school, but he had the confidence to run for prom queen! And won! You work that shit, girl. You work that shit... (PS: We have to include the picture. Trannie prom queens forever!)

CONTINUED »

If you live in New York right now, take a moment to stand up, take a step away from the computer, take in a deep breath, and pat yourself on the back. Why? Certainly not because you're paying $2,700 a month for the privilege of housing. No. Because you live in a city where everyday is an adventure, where anything is possible and where new romance lurks around every corner and in every police precinct from The Tombs right on down to Central Booking on the Lower East Side...

CONTINUED »

Craigslist's missed connections page has become our favorite afternoon diversion. You may recall last week's post in which we urged an anonymous and occupationally frustrated faggot not to shoot, hang or bludgeon himself (we succeeded, thank you).

Well, we were just trolling on through and found a tag line reading, "You gave me my wallet on the N, I gave you..." Obviously we had to know what this person gave the good Samaritan, so we clicked on through. And what we found filled us with more fury than a jilted drag queen...

CONTINUED »

Suicide ain't sexy. But, for some reason, a lonely m4mer has decided to use craigslist's men seeking men section to bemoan the death of his dreams. It seems this chap ran into an old NYU film professor - a "real mentor", he says - and has been on a downward spiral ever since.

Four years of the top film school in the country and where am I now? ...I cannot accept not doing what I want, yet I am just too old to now compete with 22 yr old kids willing to work for nothing. I am fucked.
...
I really feel like killing myself. ...I just want to die. I don't even like Manhattan anymore - no relationship, no friends, not doing the job I want. Why get out of bed every morning? Why should I? I really just want to die - suicide will be my most artistic accomplishment.

Yes, a number of artists have cemented their iconic status with a flip - or, rather, slit - of the wrist, but these people were established before they offed themselves. So, we don't think it will be your most artistic accomplishment - unless you think of something really creative. But, of course, you could use that mental energy to do something better than killing yourself, mister.

In Queerty's professional opinion, you should put down the gun, knife, rope or whatever (none of which are really creative, FYI) and buck up. Sure, it looks gloomy now, but things will perk up. Speaking of perking up- why don't you use the m4m pages to get some dick? That'll lift your mood. Or, at the very least, provide a more productive channel for your frustrations.

• If there's one thing lesbians love, it's ladies. Yep, they're all about the chicks. So, of course the sappho-journos over at AfterEllen were all over the Shakira/Beyonce mega-collaboration, "Beautiful Liar". We've reposted the video after the jump, but you should head over and see what the girls had to say. "Sometimes, it’s difficult to distinguish Beyoncé from Shakira and Shakira from Beyoncé. But, really, who’s complaining?" Sluts. [AfterEllen]

• Now this is slutty: NYC Man seeks all of Hell's Kitchen. [craigslist]

• But the ladies at The View think Paris Hilton's the biggest slut of all. She's so slutty, in fact, that she could feasibly have sex with a horse. That's what Joy Behar says... [BWE]

• Peter Tatchell doesn't think London Mayor Ken Livingstone's a slut, but he does think he needs to check himself before wrecks himself. Livingstone implied that Tatchell's an Islamophobe. Tatchell says, "That ain't so, buster!"

• Michael Savage may be a total homophobe prick, but he's going to make CAA lots of money. [TMZ]

• Playboy TV is dead! Oh, dead god, no! Playboy TV is dead!! How ever will we go on? Oh, well,, we'll just have to use the internet. Like everybody else. [Jossip]

• The Black Party's Back. And this time it's holy. [Saint At Large]

CONTINUED »

As you guys know, we have a teeny-tiny obsession with Craigslist's missed connections. How can you not drool over all the demure desperation. Okay, maybe not so demure - perhaps we meant demented.

Our previous explorations focussed on New York City, but today we thought we'd take a trip down to Miami to see what's cooking there. It wasn't our first choice, actually: we went poking around Alabama. Unfortunately, it's a total wasteland...

Anyway, while cruising the c-list, we came across this entry entitled, "pectoral muscles huge flexed and bulging - m4m - 79". How could we resist? Bulging and 79? Heaven is a place called Earth. The poster writes:

try to punish the big pecs with your most torrid squeeze. just no sex, not from

me to anyone nor from anyone to me. Your effort will end in defeat, your

invading fingers becoming immobilized in the abundant pectoral flesh. [sic]

Huh? An invitation to challenge with no sex? What's the point? That's total madness! And what kind of 79-year old has tits of steel? At first we thought it may be Superman. He is, after all, the Man of Steel. Having been created in 1932, however, he's a few years short of the given age. And, also, we doubt he'd use the words "abundant pectoral flesh".

If anyone out there can shed a little light, we'll be forever grateful, because, quite frankly, we're exceedingly confused. Also, we're more than a bit disturbed...

New York's a dangerous place. You never know what could happen to a sweet fagala. One second you're screwing a total stranger and the next thing you know they've stolen your wallet. Shocking, right? Okay, not that shocking, but pretty shit none-the-less.

Why do we bring this up? Well, a reader sent us this link to a craigslist warning. It seems a Chelsea based crook not only has a fetish for Asian boys, but for thieving. The post reads:

[A] guy stole my cash and credit cards while i was in the shower. He's tall 6'5" 36 and lives on 6th ave between 17th and 18th - right above the bagel shop on the west side of the road between the two dirty videos stores - and he's in apt one.

i think what he does is steals asian guy's credit cards and has another asian guy go around buying. they hit staples and home depot with mine within 12 hours.

it's quite a racket this one has going. beware. and he's a lousy lay - all talk about being tough but ended up being a limp-dicked no-happy ending guy.

What a monster! A criminal and a bad fuck? Shameful. If you're going to screw us, at least cum first.

What we don't understand is how the accuser knows the man only steals Asian boys' credit cards. Also, what kind of lame-o crook steals for office supplies? That's idiotic.

A picture accompanies the posting. We've decided not to post it because, well, there's really no way to prove it's true and we're in no mood to get sued. Not this early in the year, at least.

As you guys know, we're avid readers of Craigslist's missed connections. Not only do we secretly hope someone missed our connection, but we can't get enough of the love lorn lamentations of the hopelessly hopeful. In search of a good laugh, we came across a great mystery, instead.

It's pretty dead over there, but we did happen across a post entitled "We can be famous..." published by an alleged 18 year old. And it had a picture? We couldn't resist!

Little did we know that we'd stumble upon a mystery that threatens to consume us all...

CONTINUED »

Memorial Day Weekend brought sailors, gay rugby players, and gay cowboys to New York. But on the West Coast, what did it bring? Plenty of inivtations, ify you were looking on Craigslist:

May-29 Military salute! - 24 (Hollywood)

May-29 MEMORIAL DAY NIGHT HEAD FOR BLACK TOP - 30 (VALLEY) pic

May-29 Do you need memorial day relief? Free Blow Job 4 cute white or asian (Long Beach)

May-29 Happy Memorial Day Boys! - 33 (LA) pic

May-29 M.D. = Memorial Day? NO, IT'S My Dick, to celebrate that! - 36 (Koreatown)

May-29 Memorial JO Day....... - 33 (Los Feliz) pic

Yet somehow, when we trolled through Birmingham, Alabama's Memorial Day offers, we found not one. Sad face.

It is bad enough that us gays have to deal with some ignorant beliefs that we are right up there with those into bestiality and pedophilia. That gay agenda is infiltrating movie theaters across the country thanks to Brokeback Mountain. Now, they’re gonna be claiming that we are coming for their kids.

And guess what? We are.

Those feminine Unkle Toms the Queer Eyes are looking for protégés aged 10-18. Isn’t Jai already underage? Below is the Queer Eye Craigslist posting looking for the five young style makers.

We're looking to cast five young male talents age 10-18 to act as FAB5 protege's on an episode of Queer Eye!

If you consider yourself fairly knowledgeable on any of the following fields: food, fashion, grooming, culture or design. Then send us your photo for consideration. This is your chance to strut your stuff and make over one of our straight guys!

If this is not you, but know someone who fits the bill, then nominate him! E-mail us at crodriguez@thequeereye.com. Include applicants name and phone number.

Keep away from our nieces and nephews, you queens. We’re not scared you’ll turn them gay. We’re scared you’ll suck their souls. (And yes the spelling and grammar mistakes were in the Craigslist posting)

CASTING YOUNG TALENTS for BRAVO TV'S "QUEER EYE" [Craigslist]

We love Craigslist. We have found jobs, mid-century modern furniture, and the occasional blowjob all through the site with equal ease. In what we hope becomes a regular feature around these parts, featuring fun, disgusting, and unbelievable posts on Craigslist, take a look at this job posting for the Senior Planner for the WTC. Maybe we fags hold design and city planning in higher regards than most, but this seems like a job that is a little too important to be listed on the same website that has people peddling stained IKEA couches and searching for bareback sex. Does it not?

See a Craigslist post we should spotlight? Send it over.

We know San Francisco is an expensive town to live in and that it is full of unemployed fags. So in our best effort to help the queens of San Francisco find gay friendly work we browsed Craigslist last night and not for sex. This time.

“Are you proud of the hard work you put into looking hot each day!?” asks the first job listing for MaxMuscle, the creatine and Lycra selling nutrition store in the heart of the Castro. This job is a perfect way to meet steroided, muscle queens like yourself. So send those resumes girls. The icing on the cake of this job is the fact that the Metro bar is right upstairs. We always find work easier to do when we have cocktails readily available.

The second San Francisco job opening perfect for a queen strapped for cash is this one for the Nob Hill Adult Theatre, a 37 year old porn arcade and strip club. The squeamish should not apply since “light janitorial” work is required. And yes, that means Windexing up semen.