Nigeria Anglican Archbishop Peter Akinola's tightening his grip on America's soul. The virulent homophobe will pay Woodbridge, Virginia a little visit to appoint former Episcopal clergyman Martyn Minns as the leader of Akinola's Convocation of Anglicans in North America.

Born from the never-ending gay debate, Akinola's Nigeria-based Convocation aims to recruit conservative Americans into his Bible-thumping fold. American Episcopal leader Katharine Jefferts Schori has pleaded with Akinola to back off her territory, but it seems Akinola's hellbent on a bit of religious colonization. Akinola replied by saying that the CANA will:

provide a safe place for those who wish to remain faithful Anglicans but can no longer do so within the Episcopal Church as it is currently being led.

Holy bitchiness!

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It seems a day doesn't pass without another article on the seemingly imminent breakdown of the worldwide Anglican Church, a distintegration exasperated by the American Episcopal Church's own infighting. Well, you know what, man-loving Archbishop Gene Robinson's had enough.

Speaking in Hartford on Monday, Robinson said the media (that's us) should stop blowing things out of proportion. He also took some time to admonish the bickering Bible thumpers, saying:

In a world facing 40 million people dying of AIDS and an increasing gap between rich and poor, this seems like a waste of our time and energy, debating the rightness and wrongness of gay and lesbian people and their relationships... I think it breaks God's heart that we would be focusing on such an internal issue, instead of focusing upon the world which, as I understand it, Jesus called us to...

Robinson left for the Sundance directly after the speech, saying, "Hey, the world includes celebrity-saturated film festivals, bitches!"

Robinson's in Sundance to help promote For The Bible Tells Me So: the Grand Jury nominated documentary in which he and four other gay Christians appear And, by the looks of this picture, he'll be scoring some wicked Andrew Sullivan and cruising the slopes. Sweet.

Desmond Tutu's by far our favorite religious leader (sorry Gene Robinson). The outspoken Anglican Archbishop and outspoken civil rights figure has blasted Peter Akinola and his haterific homies for their tenacious war on homosexuality. As the Anglican Communion gears up for its annual meeting - a meeting at which Archbishop of Canterbury, will no doubt get an earful - Tutu chided:

I am deeply disturbed that in the face of some of the most horrendous problems facing Africa, we concentrate on 'what do I do in bed with whom'... For one to penalise someone for their sexual orientation is the same as penalising someone for something they can do nothing about, like ethnicity or race. I cannot imagine persecuting a minority group which is already being persecuted... The God I worship would not consider that (gay clergy) to be a priority concern.

He's referring, of course, to the aforementioned Robinson, the openly gay bishop whose 2003 ascension provided the spark for the 70 million strong movement's potential schism and endless infighting.

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Earlier this week, we reported that the worldwide Anglican communion's gearing up for a decisive meeting. Split over a number of issues - most notably the role of gays and women in the larger ecclesiastical tradition - many, including Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams, fear a complete schism. Well, some African Anglicans (including, we're sure, crazy old Peter Akinola) certainly aren't making it any easier: they're refusing to even talk to the controversial head of the American Episocopal church and known female (!), Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori.

While the dissenters say they won't call a complete boycott of Schori (a boycott we're not sure they would organize, anyway), Kenyan Archbishop Benjamin Nzimbi (pictured) tells Reuters:

[It's] difficult to share a meeting with somebody who is ... fighting what we believe Scripture is saying.

There is dialogue, this can take place, but I think we have listened to one another enough.

Hmm, before he considers key church policy, perhaps he should review the definition of dialogue.

At least someone down there's not frothing at the mouth. Our friend Archbishop Njongonkulu Ndungane of southern Africa had this to say:

Reports of a boycott ... is like fiddling while Rome burns... More importantly it goes against God's fundamental call for unity and reconciliation.

Amen.

Maybe they thought they were being timely, or perhaps they felt a bit ironic, but for some reason The New York Times decided Christmas Day would be a perfect time to write on Archbishop Peter Akinola: the homo-hating Nigerian who's determined to rip the Anglican Church a new arm.

You may recall Akinola as the mensch who equates gays with cancer or, perhaps, as the man who lured away a number of parishes earlier this month, but we'll always remember him as the man who uses the most absurd hypothetical musing to justify his homophobic ways. Having a little chat about Genesis, Akinola wonders:

Why didn’t God make a lion to be a man’s companion? Why didn’t he make a tree to be a man’s companion?

Well, God didn't make a lion a man's companion because the lion would eat the man. As for the tree - well, that's just stupid. How do you fuck a tree? Stick your dick in some hole and hope it's not devoured by a colony of ants? What would a woman (or, also, a bottom) do? Stick some sharp branch up her twat? Ouch.

Kidding aside, Akinola's hijacking of the movement may be one of the most important - and potentially disastrous - moves since the openly-gay Gene Robinson's 2003 officiation. Akinola recently set up a satellite church on American soil - not only threatening American congregations, but disregarding Anglican rules that you cannot rule over a church not in your geographical region. While we're not big fan of Akinola - in fact, we'd like nothing more than to see God comes down and take a big holy shit right on his busted ass face - we're compelled by this bit:

Asked whether his installing a bishop in the United States violated the church’s longstanding rules, he responded heatedly that he was simply doing what Western churches had done for centuries, sending a bishop to serve Anglicans where there is no church to provide one.

Archbishop Akinola argues that the Convocation, his group in the United States, was established last year to serve Nigerian Anglicans unhappy with the direction of the Episcopal Church, and eventually began to attract non-Nigerians who shared their views. Other church officials and experts say Archbishop Akinola’s intention for the Convocation was to attract Americans and become a rival to the Episcopal Church.

It seems to us that he's just trying to get more power and, thus, attention. We hate to admit it, but he does have a point on that whole colonialism thing.

Regardless, he's still a douche rag putz homophobe shit monger. Read all about it! after the jump...

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Sure, seven Virginia-based Episcopal parishes may have just jumped ship for Nigeria, but that doesn't mean the entire church is distintegrating. Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori (pictured, looking pimpish) spoke out, insisting there's no way in hell renowned homo-hater Bishop Peter Akinola's congregation will out pray the U.S. of A.

The Houston Chronicle reports:

The Episcopal Church, the U.S. wing of the global Anglican Communion, has been under pressure from traditionalists at home and abroad since the 2003 consecration of the first openly gay bishop, V. Gene Robinson of New Hampshire.

Under Anglican tradition, Akinola's move into Episcopal territory amounts to an invasion, since archbishops agree not to start churches outside the borders of their own region.

Jefferts Schori said some people held what she called the "fantasy" that Akinola's convocation could replace the U.S. denomination.

"I don't think that's going to happen any time soon," she said.

Schori then said, "If those motherfuckers want to mess with me, fine. I'll give new meaning to the word 'smite'". Damn straight, girl.

There may be some big changes ahead for two Virginian Episcopal branches. In response to openly gay Bishop Gene Robinson's 2003 ascension in New Hampshire, officals in Virginia are considering breaking away from the American branch of the Anglican Church. Rather than associating with what they feel to be too liberal a church, leaders from The Falls Church, in the City of Falls Church, and Truro Church, in Fairfax City are looking to affiliate themselves with the religion's Nigerian branch.

The Washington Post reports:

If the votes at The Falls Church and Truro succeed, as their leaders predict, the 3,000 active members of the two churches would join a new, Fairfax-based organization that answers to Nigerian Archbishop Peter J. Akinola, leader of the 17 million-member Nigerian church and an advocate of jailing gays. The new group hopes to become a U.S.-based denomination for orthodox Episcopalians.

You may remember that Akinola's a virulently outspoken opponent of gays, spouting some of pretty vile anti-gay rhetoric, such as called queers "a cancerous lump in the body [which] should be excised if it has defied every known cure." (Rude.)

Worth a combined $25 million, the churches risk losing everything if they split. It's also worth noting that our first President, Mr. George Washington, practiced at the Fairfax church. Upon hearing of the vote, Washington promptly turned over in his grave.

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First they consecrate an openly gay bishop. Next they elect the first female leader in the religion's history. Clearly, changes are afoot inside the Episcopal Church — but likely only in the U.S. In Europe and Africa, meanwhile, things aren't looking so liberal. Which is why America's sect of the Anglican Communion could soon see itself split from the rest of the world.

When Katherine Jefferts Schori was elected Sunday to become head of the 2.2 million member U.S. denomination, shock waves were felt throughout the church. Not only is she a woman, she's pro-gay; she gave Gene Robinson her vote to help him become the New Hampshire leader three years ago.

But this liberal series of changes is, according to all accounts, creating a "schism" (every journalist's favorite word here) inside the 77 million member church. Outside the U.S., and particularly in Africa, Schori's acceptance of gays in the church seems to be the paramount problem. And because of her acceptance of all people, the church is on the verge of splitting into two distinct groups. Some say it already has.

Anglicans face gloomy prediction of schism [Reuters]