The more we thought about yesterday's report about how Beyonce and Eva Longoria will be starring in the Sofia Coppola adaptation of Tipping the Velvet by Sarah Waters, the more excited we got.

Sure, we thought it a bit of an odd match-up, but the prospect of injecting a little color (if you will) into the book seemed pretty radical to us. But now Eva Longoria's gone and ruined it all by saying she's not in the movie. Nor, it seems is Beyonce.

Pretty heart breaking stuff, no? Well, here's a quote from People Magazine. That is, if you can read through the tears.

Longoria says the rumor, which she has seen repeated on numerous Web sites and even on television, started about a week ago – before she had ever even met Knowles. Many of the false reports also alleged that Sofia Coppola had been tapped to direct the film.

We count ourselves among one of those "false reports". Sorry.

Since this deal's non-existent, we'd like to suggest an alternate dream team: Rosie O'Donnell and Bea Arthur directed by Alfred Hitchcock.

What? Hitchcock's dead? Even better!

We've never read Tipping The Velvet by Sarah Waters, but we were just discussing it last night, which makes the discovery of this story all the more surprising.

Apparently Beyonce Knowles and Eva Longoria have signed on to play repressed lesbian lovers in Sofia Coppola's big-screen adaptation of the novel. Those of you familiar with the text (or the BBC version) know that things get pretty sexy, including a scene in which one of the characters gets fucked with a strap-on. Of course, as pioneering career women, Longoria and Knowles are jumping at the opportunity.

Beyoncé and Eva are said to be incredibly excited about the steamy love scenes and can't wait for filming on the project to start.

A source revealed: "They weren't at all coy about the sex scenes. In fact they both seemed to think it would be more fun than doing the same work with a man. It's going to be very hot."

So, what's bizarre about this story? Well, while we haven't read it, our lesbian friend tells us there are no people of color in the book. We suppose Coppola's using her artistic license on this one, which - despite what you may think after Marie Antoinette - is actually a good thing.

(Oh, and in case you don't know: "tipping the velvet" is code for cunnilingus.)

• Civil rights leader and Wal-Mart "image maker" Andrew Young steps down from his post after saying the retail giant should displace mom-and-pop stores, as it's been Jewish, Arab and Korean local store owners who've been "ripping off" urban customers for years. [NYT]

• Soon-to-retire Martina Navratilova writes in to People magazine this week to urge Lance Bass to use his celebrity to become a pioneer for gay rights. In his own People coming out story, Lance has said he doesn't only want to be connected to gay issues. [Pink News]

• In Toronto, news comes via the 16th annual International AIDS Conference that new HIV infection rates in Canada, the U.S. Europe, and Australia have been rising 1.9 percent each year. [TodayOnline.com]

• In Israel, porn mogul and star Michael Lucas is set to arrive to entertain the troops. You know, the straight women. [Something Jewish]

• In Chicago, a pastor in the Evangelical Lutheran Church may be ousted from the church after revealing he's been in a relationship with a man for two years. The church allows gays to serve in the church, so long as they remain celibate. [Chi-Tri]

• Eva Longoria's publicist rushes to deny reports the Desperate Housewives star claimed she wanted a full-on gay experience and that she flirts with other men to make boyfriend Tony Parker jealous.

• Another blip on the gay radar for Desperate Housewives: Though Marcia Cross insists she's straight, co-star Eva Longoria hopes she'll get to go gay. [Contact Music]

• Patricia Todd knew her being gay might be a campaign issue when she campaigned for a seat in Alabama's state legislature. But now, having defeated a black candidate in a run-off election, it's her white skin that's become the center of debate in a primarily black district. [AP]

• Speaking of race, is it possible to be white and on the downlow? Maestro of all things relevant to the under-34 set, Benoit Denizet-Lewis investigates. [Slate]

• The friendly NYPD we just saw marching in New York's gay pride parade can now be seen issuing citations to gay bar patrons. [Towleroad]

• Illinois voters will not be deciding on a gay marriage ballot measure: The Board of Elections on Friday followed procedure and refused conservative organization Protect Marriage Illinois's signature list for being too small. [Bgay]

• Enough about Anna Wintour and The Devil Wears Prada. Let's turn our attention to Vanity Fair's Graydon Carter — and who will be his Meryl Streep. [Jossip]

• It's Lindsay Low-hang-an. [MollyGood]

NOTE: So you noticed our technical dalliances over the weekend, did you? Oh, you didn't? Then forget we ever said anything. But if you did notice some unpleasant downtime (though accompanied by a pleasant downtime note), we're very sorry. We were moving things around with the big machines that keep Queerty pumping like a rhino in heat. But let us know if you find anything amiss, won't you?

• Look how much these women are making from commercials! Brad Pitt is in there too, but he's prettier than any of the women on the list so he counts. Of note: Jessica Simpson makes $7.5 Million from Guthy-Renker. What is she selling now?...ProActiv? Pilates? Her soul? No wonder Nick Lachey wants alimony. We'd drain her for every penny too. [Jossip]

• Julia Roberts starring in Three Days Of Rain on Broadway. Movie stars hitting Broadway is cool as hell. Her performance? Eh. [H'Wood Reporter]

• Eva Longoria in The Sentinel, opening near you somewhere. TV stars hitting the big screen is...no big deal. Although honestly, while she has the best-written character on Housewives, her acting is about as engrossing as Julia Roberts on Broadway. [AP]

• Correction: Madonna isn't planning a crucifix disco ball in her concert; it's normal, but she rides it onto the stage. OH THANK GOD WE KNOW THAT NOW. [VirtualMatter]