October 4 is the day we can finally see John Cameron Mitchell's long-awaited hardcore drama Shortbus. It features real sex, but is not porn, according to Mitchell. The trailer claims it is about "sexuality" not "sex." We will judge for ourselves when it comes out, maybe two or three times depending on just how good the "sexuality" is. Watch the trailer above (borderline NSFW).

[via Towleroad]

Although she has promised to quit acting, perhaps Madonna will continue a film career as the voice of cute, little Elfin characters. Or maybe... Arthur and the Minimoys will be her last film.

If it is to be the last time we hear her voice on the big screen, at least the Queen of Everything will be playing a role she can really sink her teeth into. "A princess in every sense of the word: Pretty, graceful, intelligent, capricious, and bossy."

She was born to play this role.

Arthur and the Minimoys [Official Site]
Arthur and the Minimoys [IMDB]

He wrote a series of books thirty years ago that is beloved of gay Americans (and Brits) everywhere, but what has Armistead Maupin been doing since Tales of the City? Quite a bit, actually. The film adaptation of his novel The Night Listener opened nationwide last week. We haven't been to see it yet, nor have we read the book, but according to Maupin, it draws on Hitchcock movies for inspiration (and undoubtedly has something gay in it, since he tends to draw on his own life experiences).

Maupin is also at work on a new book called Michael Tolliver Lives, in which we see Tales of the City protagonist Michael "Mouse" Tolliver all growns up at age 55 working as a gardener and dating a younger man. In addition to all that, Maupin is also shopping around a film version of Babycakes, the fourth Tales of the City book. If he can find a studio to pick it up, we hope Laura Linney and Olympia Dukakis will star again, as they did in the first three mini-series adaptations.

Read the full interview at AfterElton.

Armistead Maupin Chronicles His Gay Generation [AfterElton]

Apparently frustrated by the horrible reviews of her last film, husband Guy Ritchie's remake of the Lina Wertmüller classic Travolti da un insolito destino nell'azzurro mare d'agosto (aka Swept Away), Madonna has said that she will never act again, though she doesn't elaborate on what she will be doing instead. We can assume it will be music.

I hate to admit it, but I've decided to give [acting] up. How can any film survive if everyone says it's going to be a flop from the very day the project is even conceived? It's already dead in the water.

We didn't see the Swept Away remake, but we thought Madonna was wonderful in Evita as well as Dick Tracy and A League of Their Own (one of Queerty's all time favorite movies). We hope this promise ends up being as certain as Cher's first "Farewell Tour."

Madonna Abandons Movie Career [Hollywood.com via The Fix]

What's cuter than Kiki Dunst in a cheerleading outfit or being rescued by Spider-Man? Maybe Dakota Fanning, but not much else. Like Miss Fanning, Kirsten is branching out into a more sophisticated role, though one that doesn't involve anything so edgy as underage rape, just a beheading at the end.

Considering she is often panned for her slovenly appearance, it will be nice to see Kirsten all gussied up in period costume and surrounded by fluffy pink cakes. Don't expect the typical soundtrack in this Sofia Coppola adventure, however. The soundtrack will be New Wave all the way, which we think sounds fun, though rather similar in philosophy to the 90s Romeo and Juliet and Great Expectations movies.

We're excited about this movie though and looking forward to its release in October, and not just because sexy former Dior model Jamie Dornan has a role. We love Kirsten, too. No, really.

Start Serving the Cake!!! [New, Now, Next]

We love girls who fantasize about gay sex. For example, the girl who was always borrowing our Bel Ami back in college. She had horrible taste in real life men, but her fantasies were impeccable, as are those of Jane magazine readers.

The two men those ladies would most like to see in a gay love scene (or the sequel to Brokeback Mountain) are Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom. Good pirate and bad pirate joined at the hip. Who would be on top? We think they would switch off.

Women’s mag dreams of Depp and Bloom gay love scene [Pink News]

Wild horses could not drag us to the theater to see The Poseidon Adventure remake, even if we knew we might catch a glimpse of sexy Mike Vogel's buttcheek. We'll just wait for the Internet screen caps. For now these photos will have to tide us all over.

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We have a juicy tidbit for you all, sent in from a very well-placed Hollywood source:

Which director of a major summer blockbuster was almost in hot water on the set of his last movie when a prissy female star walked into his trailer and found him giving an RJ to an underage BOY?! Refusing to work with a sex pervert, the blowsy babe threatened to walk off the set... and go to the press! We don't know what the studio had to offer to get her to take back her threats... but it must have been big.

That's all we were told, but our best guess is illustrated above. The only flaw in the theory is that we're not sure Halle Berry would really be offended by such things after numerous people threatened to walk off the set of Monster's Ball in protest of her nasty sex scenes with Billy Bob Thornton.

We can't stop calling Bow Wow "Lil'" even though he dropped that moniker back when his voice changed. It's a manliness thing, we understand, but Bow Wow isn't so manly that he is afraid to get busy with another man on the silver screen. He will be starring in an upcoming film by John Singleton with a working title of Boys that involves a little homo action. There isn't too much information right now other than the plot will have gay elements and there will be a gay love scene, but we will gladly pay $10 just to see some male hands run over that impressive eight-pack.

Bow Wow "Plays" Gay? [Rod 2.0]

Madonna has uttered another big mouthful. After she's done robbing several continents of their last pennies with expensive concert tickets, the self-proclaimed "visionary" is planning to dip her toes back into the film industry, but this time behind the camera to hide her wrinkles. On her new plans:

Making movies for me was never about being a big movie star, it was about being a good actress. But it's not easy with critics going after you before the movie is even released. It's easier to be a visionary as a director.

Guy Ritchie is probably worried that his wife will surpass his own directing abilities, which we all drank in when we saw the new Swept Away. What? You mean you didn't see it?

BATTING PRACTISE FOR LOURDES AND ROCCO IN CENTRAL PARK [Hello Magazine]

We summoned the courage to fight the hordes of gays attending the premiere of The Devil Wears Prada on Friday night, and it was worth every impolite shove and ounce of shade thrown our way.

Full disclosure: we never read the book, but it's hard for us to imagine it being wittier or any better executed than the film, which had us in stitches the entire time. Everything was exaggerated for the sake of comedy, especially the offices of Runway (Vogue) magazine, where everyone runs around in complete panic in anticipation of the Editor-In-Chief's arrival. And panic they should, because Meryl Streep's Miranda Priestly is absolutely terrifying, but it's in her subtlety, not her wild-eyed rage. In fact, Streep hardly ever raises her voice and ends her impossible demands with a simple "That's all."

Anne Hathaway plays Andrea Sachs, Priestly's new hipster-dowdy assistant who quickly gets a fashion makeover and look absolutely great. Costume designer Patricia Field really outdid herself by picking outfits for Hathaway that would put some real Vogue girls to shame. We missed the Princess Diaries movies and the only other time we saw Hathaway was in Brokeback Mountain, where we felt she did a commendable job despite the over-acting. In The Devil Wears Prada she is brilliant, perhaps because she is working with Streep.

The script is hilarious, the dynamic between Streep and Hathaway is perfect, and we also loved Emily Blunt's performance as Priestly's first assistant who is obsessed with getting thin so she can look fabulous for Paris Fashion Week. On her efforts to get thin, "I just started this new diet. Basically I don't eat anything, and then when I feel like I'm going to faint, I eat a cube of cheese."

In our humble opinion, this is the movie of the summer. Go see it now before you're at your next gay BBQ and are missing all the jokes.

The Devil Wears Prada [Official Site]

We know it's a year away, but we are excited for the new Spiderman movie, which will come out in May 2007. The premise so far as we can tell is that Spiderman is infected by some sort of evil and has to battle against himself while also saving the city from a humongous sand monster.

The still above shows star Tobey Maguire stripping off his costume to show that he is once again ripped after a bit of a rough patch last year. We are relieved because we always thought he was cute, but then again we are always suckers for nerdy boys with lisps.

Spiderman 3 Trailer [Apple]