• We found this video over at Best Week Ever and thought we'd pass it along to you. If you ever needed proof that Fox News is a bigger joke than The Daily Show, here it is. Seriously, the anchor's laughing through the entire vasectomy story. There's nothing funny about men getting their tubes tied. Nothing. Vasectomies are totally, unequivocally unfunny. We're not kidding. Okay, we are kidding, but Fox News still sucks impotent balls.

• Ah! Gonorrhea has totally gone super bug!! Does sex have a future?

• German scientists have successfully made "immature sperm" from bone marrow. Wow, talk about fucking with nature. Of course, it's for a good cause: if they can whip these little puppies into shape, they may be able to help with fertility treatment. Or lead to the end of civilization as we know it. It's a toss up.

• Shia LaBeouf will appear in the next Indiana Jones movie. Of course, it'll take another five thousand years for it to be made, but we're sure it'll be worth the wait. That is, if Harrison Ford doesn't die first.

• Turns out the cocaine soda is just as illegal as the real thing. Well, it's marketing is, at least.

• Government looking to dismantle the internet? But where will we go?

• Alvin Tan's older than dirt. And proud of it.

• We know Monday's the furthest thing from your mind right now, but we just wanted to tell you to be on your best behavior for guest editor Gregory Angelo! The former Next EIC will be filling in for that vacation-taking shit bag, Andrew Belonsky. Where's Belonsky off to? Hell. He's got a hot date. Get it? Show Mr. Angelo some love... or else we'll have to send the zombified Giorgio Armani to eat your brains. Scary shit, that...

• Anti-Gay Spanish Fascists in Madrid are just so gay. [365 Gay]

• Talk about injustice: FOX cancelled the OJ Simpson special. Now we're all going to have read about how he didn't commit murder. (But not the book, that was cancelled, too) [FOX News]

• Twiggy fears her own creation: "terrified" of skinny models. [Daily Mail]

• Pete Doherty may be the biggest fuck-up in history. That or the biggest drug addict, we can't decide. [CNN]

• Star Tribune settled with former BFF GLBT Pride/Twin Cities after refusing to publish their advert. Now they're BFF again. [Editor & Publisher]

• South Africa's health department has amended inflated figures of people receiving HIV-related care. Which is a bit disheartening, of course. [allAfrica]

We never get tired of seeing Bill O'Reilly get put in his place, though there will never be anything as funny as the revelation that the conservative TV host likes to stick a vibrator in his butt while masturbating.

After beating out Anderson Cooper for the "Sexiest Newscaster" award last year, MSNBC host Keith Olbermann is all cocky and thinks he rules the world, citing the increase in ratings for MSNBC and his show Countdown in particular. We've never seen the show since we read our news on the Internet, but we imagine it's probably as boring as Paula Zahn or any of those other talking head shows. Still, we give Mr. Olbermann props for coming out in such a weirdly aggressive fashion against his nemesis Mr. O'Reilly:

Fox's ratings are lower than they were five years ago. Bill-Oh, 267,000 of your nightly viewers have vanished since last June. Call Fox Security, they are missing.

We hope there is a response forthcoming. Watch the video segment after the jump.

CONTINUED »

Julie Banderas of Fox News recently lost her cool and started quoting scripture while "interviewing" Mistress of Protesting at Dead Soldiers' Funerals Shirley Phelps-Roper on some show called The Big Story. After Phelps-Roper called Banderas a "bimbo," it all went downhill, and Banderas even went so far as to say, "You are the devil. If you believe in the Bible, Miss, you are going to Hell."

And then things got really out of control when the normally calm and collected Banderas started swearing, "'God Hates Fags.' You are breaching absolute B. And you know the final letter!" Whoa there. We don't think Bill O'Reilly would approve of that sort of language or, more importantly, the pro-gay sentiment even if it was a slip of the tongue.

Watch the video after the jump.

CONTINUED »

Which bachelor Fox News personality is allowing himself to be set up on blind dates with women even though his homosexuality is the worst-kept secret in town?

We've already made our guess.

Don't Shoot the Messenger [Gatecrasher]

"You are as mean, and as sick, and as cruel as anyone I've had on this program."

- Fox News anchor Sean Hannity to Fred Phelps' daughter, Shirley Phelps Roper, after she explained that their protests are really intended to save Americans from the ensuing "wrath of God."

The interview is typical Fox News fodder--lots of pontificating, lots of "I'm more Christian than you" fingerpointing, and when Alan Colmes jumps in the whole interview goes to hell faster than a homosexual--but the chance to watch a Phelps miniom speak is priceless. It's fascinating, watching her gnash her teeth and smile like a character in a Stephen King novel.

We are, however, thrilled that Hannity & Colmes didn't differentiate between protesting against soldiers as being any worse than protesting against gay people. They just lumped it all together. It was probably an accident that it came out that way, but we'll pretend they meant to be compassionate. We just feel really, really bad for the Phelps kids, who live in the family compound and have to carry signs at the protests. Do any of them ever get out?

Fox News: F*ck Westboro Baptist Church [YouTube]

We find it nearly impossible to change the channel from Fox News. It’s on as background entertainment all day long while we blog. We wouldn’t want to miss a minute of their yellow, er, professional journalism. We didn’t get a chance to catch today’s edition of Dayside. What did we miss? A talk on Brokeback Mountain’s queer agenda and this lovely moment when host Alisyn Camerota (Shock! A sexy blonde reporter on Fox!) made her way through the “fair and balanced” audience.

MAN IN AUDIENCE: I agree with what he's saying and I think the best thing that those of us are opposed to this kinda thang can do is just not go see it.

(THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE FROM AUDIENCE)

CAMEROTA: Sure, that is certainly your prerogative. Okay, uhm, very quickly the other side?

WOMAN IN AUDIENCE: Hi, I think it's about time we made a serious film showing, you know, diverse couples getting together. I think it's about time. It's going on 2006, so.

CAMEROTA: Thank you. Okay, that's the fair and balanced version...

(LOUD BOOS FROM AUDIENCE)

CAMEROTA: (to aforementioned audience member) ...you're a brave woman in this audience.

We so love everything about Fox News, including the plants in the audience who provide the rest of the members with someone to jeer.

'Brokeback' critic heads to 'Fair & Balanced' land [Good As You]

We knew those easygoing conservatives couldn’t stay quiet about Brokeback Mountain like they originally planned. Now that it’s roping in critic’s awards and Golden Globe nominations they’re getting desperate. And really, really amusing.

Fox News’ Roger Friedman’s piece today is a doozy. Forget Osama, the real enemy attacking America is gay Hollywood.

One of the many gems in the article informs us that "real" men don't go see Brokeback:

Most of the women I know in the entertainment press cannot stop raving to me about "Brokeback Mountain."

"It's so sensitive," one said. "I cried," several others have said.
So far, no straight men have reported back about the movie. But gay friends, of course, love it, love it, love it.

Friedman goes on to suggest other movies people should see in place of Brokeback Mountain and then proceeds to attack the credibility of the Golden Globes themselves. Can we really trust the Hollywood Foreign Press?

Steve Martin's 'Gay' Prediction Materializing [Fox News]

Our hopes for some hot conservative girl-on-girl action were dashed earlier this month when Fox News’ Lauren Green declared she had no interest in playing with Condi Rice. She is, in fact, “very straight.” Condi and Lauren; oh, what could have been.…

But gay rumors surrounding the slaves of Rupert Murdoch’s yellow journalism machine haven’t let up just yet. The Washington Blade’s Kevin Naff essentially outs Fox News' longtime anchor Shepard Smith:

Smith once chatted me up in a New York City gay piano bar, bought me drinks, and invited me back to his place. When I declined, he asked me to dinner the next night, another invitation I politely refused.

We sat at the bar chatting and drinking martinis until 3 a.m., our conversation interrupted only when he paused to belt out the lyrics to whatever showtune was being performed.

Martinis and show tunes? Shocking. We had Shep pegged as the cosmos and Kylie type.

But the evidence continues to mount. A quick look at his Fox News bio exposes his loud and proud coverage of Princess Diana’s funeral and the murder of Gianni Versace. Heck, even we would have been blogging about those momentous events in gay history had we not been awkward teens at the time.

Shep recently pulled an Anderson Cooper by pleading for help for Katrina’s victims live on TV. Wait, a Downy-fresh soft side just like the dreamy blue-eyed Coop? Hmmm. Shep and Coop together? Could two compassionate, middle-aged anchors from competing networks work? We could have a love connection after all, folks. Can someone please work on this pronto?

Fox News anchor Lauren Green is being pissy over her co-worker’s recent push for a love connection between her and the seemingly always available Condi Rice. Green wants to clear up a little thing about her sexuality: She ain’t a big old dyke after all and is ticked no one went straight to her to ask if she loved bush; The pussy variety. Green spoils our fun:

They didn’t try. There’s no message on my phone, no message at Fox, no message to my agent, no note in my e-mail. Anybody can figure out my e-mail. These people could have found Arafat in Turkey when he was alive, and they can’t find me here.

She broadcasts her heterosexual single-and-looking status by making a plea for “Christian men, single and over 35.” Um, honey, poke your conservative little head out of your office. That’s all Fox News hires.

No word on poor Condi’s reaction to the news that she won’t be playing “dual piano” with a hot conservative anchor anytime soon. Too bad. We hear Condi’s fingers can work magic.