Sheik Fallah bin Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan--say that five times really fast--who is the younger brother of the ruler of the United Arab Emirates, stands trial in Geneva for assaulting US businessman Silvano Orsi, who allegedly spurned The Notorious S.F.B.Z.B.S.A.N's sexual advances. Apparently Sheik Fallah sent Orsi a bottle of Dom Perignon, and then tried to sit in his lap and "fondle" him. But Sheik Fallah became angry when Orsi protested--and in true Shiek form, he alledgedly threw Orsi to the floor, punched him in the face, and whipped him with his belt. The Sheik said he was annoyed when Orsi refused the champagne, but only confronted him "after I was called gay." As if. Although when you're from a country that will send you to jail for going to a gay wedding, you're bound to freak out at these things.

The Sheik Is Not Gay! [CBS]

Following their embrace of refugees who are fleeing anti-gay persecution in Iran, The Netherlands has devised a way to ease tension between Muslims and gay people in their own country: sponsoring a soccer tournament between gays and Muslims.

"A Dutch multicultural group is organizing a soccer tournament between gays and Muslims, hoping to counter what a study published on Thursday said was a rising tide of fear among gays.

An organizer of the group, Suzanne Ijsselmuiden, said she hoped the competition will "help ease these tensions so that people can openly talk about homosexuality."

We applaud this Pepsi-commercial solution to the conflict of Muslim homophobia. Although we believe there just might be a few homophobic Muslims who will sign up for the tournament to pummel their gay opponents into the ground, making for quite a non-peaceful match and leaving the gay players more terrified of Muslims than ever.

Organizers of the tournament said players who are gay AND Muslim can choose whichever team they are on. Our guess is they'll join the team with the hotter players.

Gay vs. Muslim soccer to solve the world's problems [AP]

Gay Muslim refugees seeking asylum in The Netherlands must watch a video of two guys making out, as part of a test to see if they are really gay.

The test was created partially because of an incident a few weeks ago: a group of Iranians, claiming to be gay, fled to The Netherlands and applied for political asylum from the Iranian government. Gay Iranians are regularly executed for crimes against Islamic law. (And they do it, FYI. Really.)

The Dutch immigration minister wanted to send them back, and not become involved in volatile Middle Eastern politics; but that would alert the Iranian goverment that the refugees were coming, and--more importantly--why they were being returned, and provide a reason for sentencing them to death.

After being humiliated by international pressure, the Dutch government came up with this way to prove asylum-seekers are not lying about the gay part of their case:

Potential immigrants to The Netherlands will be faced with a film showing two men kissing in a park, and a woman in a topless swimsuit, after Wednesday of this week.

Their reaction to the footage will be recorded and used as part of the evaluation process. Only applicants from predominantly Muslim countries such as the Middle East and Asia will have to view the film.

It's good to know that if we wanted to seek political asylum in The Netherlands, we'd pass with flying colors. And the test would be really, really fun. We're going to download some movies and study for our Netherlands entrance exam right now.

Gay sex required to move to The Netherlands [People's Daily]