Attending the Oscars looks like the most boring thing in cinematic history. All that clapping, all that sitting, all those snooze worthy acceptance speeches for even more snooze-worthy categories (sound mixing?). If we're ever invited, we'll have to politely decline and see if we can worm our way into Elton John's Oscar viewing party.

Not only would our attendance help The Elton John AIDS Foundation, but we'd get to chill with the biggest hodge-podge of stars this side of the red carpet. Where else can you find Victoria Beckham and Kelly Osbourne mugging for the camera? No where. Well, maybe heaven. Or is it hell? We can't tell anymore.

See some more shots, after the jump...

Bai Ling sure knows what's up, and it isn't her tolerance.

See?

OMG! Eric McCormack has a moustache. It's a miracle Janet Holden and Kevin Zegers escaped with their lives. (Moustaches are the second biggest celebrity killer. "Soul patches" rank as the worst. Facial hairs no laughing matter. Get the facts.)

Dita Von Teese and Zac Posen. Famed fashionistas or Satan's little helpers? Only their dry cleaners know for sure.

Poor Keifer Sutherland's too gone to realize Sharon Osbourne has concealed two nukes in her titties. One false squeeze and he's a goner.

Well that mystery's solved.

If Sharon Stone's not careful, she'll bust one of Elton's stitches.

Speaking of being careful, didn't Cheryl Teigs get the warning about standing so close to Vincent Gallo?

Because it's ain't a party without Tara Reid...