We've been following the Gest/Minnelli divorce with a wary eye. You've probably heard about the herpes allegations and all the boozing, but that intrigues us not.

What we find most intriguing is the bodyguard assistant angle: M'Hammed Soumayah, who once counted Minnelli as his illustrious employer, is suing her for $100 million. Soumayah claims Ms. Liza with a z beat him and attempted to bed him in exchange for his job.

Shocking, right? We love Liza as much as the next fag, but if she tried to get us to fuck her, we'd ask for $200 million. And a yacht.