Any true card-carrying queen knows how much of an ultra-mega grooming faux pau nose hair is for us. A definite no-no. So any of you caught with even a single strand of hair jetting from your nose like that bush from Drew Barrymore’s pits should be slapped silly.

But if they’re showing up as often as you’re hearing about Madge these days, it’s no big deal. All those stray nose hairs only mean you’re no longer the little twink you once were.

You've had enough practice with vibrating phallic devices, but here’s the equipment you'll need for the job: Panasonic’s Nose Hair Trimmer. It’s fast, clean, and precise. Much better than old-fashioned scissors you’ll get in any of these manicure sets. But whatever you do, stay away from novelty trimmers. Stay classy. You're not in college anymore.

Just make sure you avoid plucking those unwanted nose hairs or else you’ll risk infection. We don’t need a bleeding nose. Stick to your bleeding heart.