• We found this video over at Best Week Ever and thought we'd pass it along to you. If you ever needed proof that Fox News is a bigger joke than The Daily Show, here it is. Seriously, the anchor's laughing through the entire vasectomy story. There's nothing funny about men getting their tubes tied. Nothing. Vasectomies are totally, unequivocally unfunny. We're not kidding. Okay, we are kidding, but Fox News still sucks impotent balls.

• Ah! Gonorrhea has totally gone super bug!! Does sex have a future?

• German scientists have successfully made "immature sperm" from bone marrow. Wow, talk about fucking with nature. Of course, it's for a good cause: if they can whip these little puppies into shape, they may be able to help with fertility treatment. Or lead to the end of civilization as we know it. It's a toss up.

• Shia LaBeouf will appear in the next Indiana Jones movie. Of course, it'll take another five thousand years for it to be made, but we're sure it'll be worth the wait. That is, if Harrison Ford doesn't die first.

• Turns out the cocaine soda is just as illegal as the real thing. Well, it's marketing is, at least.

• Government looking to dismantle the internet? But where will we go?

• Alvin Tan's older than dirt. And proud of it.

• We know Monday's the furthest thing from your mind right now, but we just wanted to tell you to be on your best behavior for guest editor Gregory Angelo! The former Next EIC will be filling in for that vacation-taking shit bag, Andrew Belonsky. Where's Belonsky off to? Hell. He's got a hot date. Get it? Show Mr. Angelo some love... or else we'll have to send the zombified Giorgio Armani to eat your brains. Scary shit, that...