There have been two stories of homophobic attacks in Britain over the past two days.

On the surface it would seem that there's some horrific wave of anti-gay violence sweeping the motherland. Dig a little deeper, however, and you'll see there's more than meets the eye.

Take a magical journalistic mystery tour with us, after the jump.

[Read On ...]

After years of reassurance, two German footballers came out to Germany's Rund Magazine, yet refused to be identified for fear of "professional suicide". One player admitted to having an affair with a childhood friend, building a web of deception to cover his tracks. According to Deutsche Welle:

One player, who is married, said even his wife had no idea he was gay and that he was involved in a long-term relationship with a childhood friend. "But what am I to do? Coming out would mean death," he was quoted as saying in the article.

The other gay player profiled said that a female friend in the know often accompanied him to club celebrations and parties to give the impression that he was straight.

Homophobia in soccer's nothing new and in recent years the sport's seen a shift in perception, joining the struggle to overcome stereotypes on and off the pitch. While the UK has regulations on anti-gay jeering, Germany's yet to adopt such a strident stance.

Tatjana Eggeling from the Institute of Cultural Anthropology and European Ethnology at the University of Göttingen estimates that there are more than two dozen gay players, but says:

As things stand now, I wouldn't advise a single German soccer player to come out because it would be just too much of a risk for him, both for his career and personal life.

The last professional soccer player to come out was Justin Fashanu (pictured), who ended up losing his contract, being accused of sexually assaulting a 17-year old and eventually committed suicide in 1998.

Yesterday’s news from those oh-so Concerned Women For America that Mattel is “promoting gender confusion" among children” through a Barbie.com poll had us up in arms (well more like chuckling. Ok, you got us. We had the worst laughing fit since Tyra Banks dressed up as Paris Hilton for halloween last year).

When asking for the child’s sex, the poll’s options include a response of “I don’t know.” How dare our favorite childhood make such a goof? It's just terrible.

Mattel has since fixed what they describe as a monstrous technical error.

But in all seriousness, we don’t see why they haven’t been up and arms over Ken all this time. Even as grade schoolers, his smoothed over and penis-free crotch area made us realize at a very young age that he was a post-op trannie.

Exhibit A after the jump.

Barbie Accused of Being Part of the Transgender Movement [ABC News]
Concerned Women For America [Official Site]

[Read On ...]

With about as much anticipation as a Harry Potter movie and just about as revealing, the Vatican has officially released its document barring gays from the priesthood.

Some juicy excerpts after the jump. (Courtesy of Reuters)

[Read On ...]

• The creepy basement guy from Desperate Housewives was canned for being a creepy flasher guy on set. He insists he's no longer on the show due to the buy out of his contract not because of improper conduct. Hmmm. You lose a lot of credibility once you start whipping your dick out to your co-coworkers.

• Oddly worded pro-gay billboards that read, "I sit next to you. And...I am a lesbian. We are your neighbors" are popping up all over Georgia. The others must say things like "take me to your leader" and "we come in peace."

• Canadians elected openly gay Andre Boisclair to be leader of the Parti Quebecois and he's causing quite a ruckus. Turns out Boisclair used to blow coke in his spare time. We don't see what the big deal is. Our leader was both a druggie and a lush.

• Poland is quickly becoming as gay friendly as Eminem at a pride rally.

• You've heard the old saying that everything seems to cause cancer. Everything now includes giving blow jobs.

• well, now we know Judge Alito's family is at least inclined to support gay rights. His wife's been to the Rosie O'Donnell school of hairstyling, his daughter found the dykiest top ever made, and the son? Well, he managed to get right into the Monica Lewinski position, there, didn't he?

• The always probing Boston Herald announces that the NBA is homophobic. You don't say.

• Those wacky conservatives continue to boycott American Girl dolls calling them anti-family. So what toy will they buy their kids now? The big tittied emaciated wholesomeness of Barbie, perhaps?

• Gay Brazil seems to be in the news quite a bit these days. Yesterday we told you about the country's first televised gay kiss. There'll soon be more than two guys kissing to watch on TV. Logo comes out to Latin America.

• Trannies will do just about anything for a crown, even risk catching bird flu in Thailand.

• A new survey lets the cat out of the bag over homo TV habits. Gay men are all aflutter over A&E and Bravo and dykes love their HBO and ESPN.

• Matthew Shepard's mom is speaking at a college in Montana and the entire campus is all worked up. But these party poopers are celebrating with protests and bomb threats. Welcome to Unabomber country.

• Still no lessons learned from Matt's senseless murder. Another homophobic attack left a London man dead this past weekend.

• A gay editor at the Village Voice (redundant, we know) is suing the publication for sexual harassment. The man alleges lewd jokes were made involving "gay men, lesbians, a Vietnamese worker, and a pregnant employee." Wait. Now we need to know the first part of the joke. We think it might be "A Vietnamese worker, a pregnant employee, and a lesbian walk into a bar to bitch slap a completely humorless gay editor?" Hysterical.

• Andy Towle has some shots from GQ of lusty teen NHLer Sidney Crosby. We like what we see. Drool over him now before he ends the season bruised and toothless.

• Happy birthday to our celluloid-loving faggy brothers and sisters in Seattle. The city's gay and lesbian film festival is 10 years old but thanks to makeup and good lighting doesn't look a day over 5.