You're probably all aware of the new airplane safety regulations following the thwarted terrorist attacks in the UK: basically, no liquids or gels of any kind (except sometimes insulin for diabetics) onboard the aircraft. Sure it's inconvenient for the everyman, but what about for a drag queen with dry skin? Fellow blogger Jackie Beat answers that question and more in her latest diatribe "Shakes On a Plane." A sample:

When a drag queen can’t slather some much-needed Aveda products on her sagging, aging equestrian face, we’re doomed. Because, although the world may indeed become a bit safer, it will be full of dry, ashy, wrinkled people. Ugly people who look their age.

SHAKES ON A PLANE! [Jackie Beat]

Don't mess with a pissed-off drag queen on the corner of "Fag St. and Sodomite Boulevard," or she will bring her posse of homos to run you out of town. That is exactly what happened the other night as L.A. drag queen Jackie Beat got harassed walking to her car after a night of performing.

Before I knew it, I had about fifty people ready to rumble. We all walked out the door and towards the guy. You should have seen the look on his face as I asked, “STILL GONNA’ KICK MY ASS, FUCKFACE!?”

The scene ended nonviolently, but we join Jackie in hoping "a little bit of pee dribbled out of him." Check out Jackie's new blog when you get the chance. It's less than a week old and wickedly funny.

Bashing Back! [Jackie Beat Rules via ELH]

Lady Bunny is a drag legend, a NYC nightlife fixture, and one funny comedian. Recently Bunny caught up with Bradford Shellhammer to discuss her new DVD, Star Jones, and the perfect boyfriend. FYI, It's not that safe for work.

Hi Bunny. What made you decide to blog?
Well, the first reason was to keep people engaged with Ladybunny.net. No matter how fantastic your site is, ain't nobody gonna come back if you don't update it. Since I need a web designer to make major changes, the blog is a do-it-yourself way to keep my site current with everything from comments on current affairs to my schedule of appearances.

Before I had a blog, I forwarded sick shit to friends constantly. Now I just post it. Luckily, now fans of the blog send sick shit to me! And the launching of my website coincided with George Bush's reign of terror. Actually seeing the second World Trade Center (don't ask me what I was doing up at that hour!) shook me up, but instead of asking, "What do we do?" I thought, "What have we done to deserve this?". Bush's decision to retaliate against Iraq, a country with no WMDs and no connections with the perpetrators of 9/11, sparked my interest in politics--which mainly consists of slamming this administration. There's a lot of humor crap on my blog, too, but I've gotten a great response for the political rants. Which is fairly surprising, since most gays aren't very political these days. Face it, the ACT UP days, when getting involved was even seen as trendy/hot, are long gone. I wish there were more gays interested in things like rising HIV infections, but the tone of most gay rags is very shallow and hunk-oriented. Enjoy the hunks! Masturbate over them. But balance the hunks with issues, especially if they're issues like AIDS, which are killing us!

Name you favorite drag queen and why?
Dame Edna. She is so demented! And she's hetero! I actually like her out-of-drag characters just as much as her drag. She's a class A kook and has really taken it to a huge scale with TV specials, Broadway shows, Vanity Fair articles, etc. And when she met Joan Rivers she told her "You look fantastic. Please don't ever consider plastic surgery!"

The Pam Anderson Roast. What was that night like?
I had a blast hanging out with the celebs. Hell, with Tommy Lee next to me and Dennis Rod-man behind me, I was surrounded by about two feet of dick! Call me a sick freak, but I've always dreamt of one in each end! So it was hard for me to concentrate on the lines--the lines that Courtney was shoving up my nose! KIDDING! And I got to meet my idol, Charo! But ultimately, it was disappointing since they cut most of my lines. I had submitted jokes, which Comedy Central deemed too filthy. So they basically wrote me a script, which wasn't that funny, and I knew it. A few of the jokes they provided for me were about Comedy Central comedians who I had never heard of like Adam Carolla. And then they went on to let everyone else tell really filthy jokes! But all in all, it was better to be on it briefly than not at all--it was the highest Nielsen rated special in years. And it was a pretty fucking hilarious show! Pam was a great sport, and they really let Bea Arthur have it.

After the jump Bunny tells us her nastiest joke.

[Read On ...]

This morning we told you about the Jackie Beat Christmas show. We have a pair of tickets to the show for the queen who writes the best Christmas/Jackie haiku. Send it to us and we’ll pick a winner by day’s end.

The Bid 2 Beat AIDS auction has gotten off to a great start, but we still have a lot of money to raise for LIFEbeat. Today’s featured items will make great, irreverent gifts.

Do you know someone with a lame-ass voicemail message? Are you sick of listening to it? Now is your chance to give the gift that keeps on giving (every time you ring them up). Michael Musto, Jackie Beat, Dan Savage, and a few other offbeat, oddball personalities have agreed to write and record a custom voicemail message for the winner of these ridiculous auctions.

And because Queerty has such a devoted following Bradford has also agreed to offer up his squealing, gay voice. Yes our resident wannabe-somebody editor can be the voice of yours or somebody you love’s outgoing message. This is a fundraiser for a good cause. So get to bidding queens. We don’t want to be outdone by "The Dell Dude".

The week before her classic Christmas show comes back to NYC, drag legend Jackie Beat caught up with Bradford Shellhammer to talk about this year’s show, the drag queens she loves, and the one she absolutely hates.

So Jackie, what is in store for us this Christmas? What is the theme of the show?

Hmmm, I guess if there's any theme, other than "Gee, I sure would like to make TONS of money right about now!" it would have to be the usual warm and fuzzy stuff that seems to always come up around this time of year: binge drinking, illegal drug use, overeating, domestic violence. I'd like to think my annual holiday show is like a really hot but abusive bisexual Eastern European boyfriend. He's got that naturally beefy, moderately hairy body and works some super sexy blue-collar job like lifting things. He's gorgeous and the best sex you've ever had, but he slaps you around. You keep promising yourself you're not going back, but it's just too good so you put up with the abuse. Yeah, I think that describes my holiday show.

How is Hollywood treating you?

Great. I mean, what's not to love? The weather is beautiful, the boys are beautiful, and I’m beautiful! Well, if you stand back and squint. Now, turn your head a little. I'm just going to dim the lights a bit, okay? There! See? I'm beautiful! Seriously, having grown up in Arizona I feel more at home on the west coast. I have a huge 2 bedroom place with a big backyard and my two precious dogs and my Pontiac Grand Am and a closet that's bigger than my old New York apartment. Don't get me wrong, I adore NYC. But it's like heroin: It used to be my whole life, but now I've kicked my addiction to it and I only indulge occasionally and in moderation. You know, on special occasions like the American Idol finale or Columbus Day.

After the jump jackie tells how she lost all that weight and which drag queen she hates.

[Read On ...]

• Though he dissed us in his diss of Madonna we are still loving Rich’s site. His Madonna commentary is not our feelings exactly, but we think he makes many valid points. But coming from a Janet Jackson fan, you gotta take it all with a grain of salt. Check out the comments section in the Madonna thread for more on the subject of Madge and The Gays.

• Two women with better vocal chops and songwriting abilities than Madonna are releasing albums today. Run and get the new stellar albums by Kate Bush and Cyndi Lauper. Rolling Stone agrees with us. Then again, they like the new Madonna a lot too.

• The B Squad is back. Their movie is titled Valtrex, and obviously it’s not safe for work.

• Club Fly is just what the homo traveler needs. It’s Google Maps for gay bars and will be a valuable travel companion when you’re in a foreign city and want to get friendly with the locals.

• Last week we told you about Jackie Beat’s garage sale. Tickets for her Christmas show are now on sale. It is the funniest show of the year.

• “When he told me he was gay I wanted to take a lamp and bash him in the face with it," is what author Terry McMillan says about her husband’s outing himself. Oprah will hear the whole story on Wednesday.

You all know how much we love drag queens and trannies. So this morning we are a bit saddened by the fact that we will not be in Los Angeles this weekend. We were just sent a note that the one and only Jackie Beat is having a yard sale in Los Angeles this weekend. If you live in LA you must go and buy us as many things as possible!

A drag queen’s garage sale? For us, that’s heaven. Wigs dusted with cocaine residue! Costumes covered in rent boy juices! Dresses smeared with pancaked make-up!

Jackie’s invite reads:

HUGE SUPER-COOL GARAGE SALE IN HOLLYWOOD! Multi-household garage sale featuring gorgeous vintage house wares, knick-knacks, clothing, games, toys, sporting goods, exercise equipment, movie & music memorabilia, costumes, etc. DON'T MISS IT! Heliotrope runs parallel to, and is in between, Normandie & Vermont. 807 is between Melrose Ave. & Santa Monica Blvd.

Saturday, November 5th from 10 AM to 4 PM ONLY!
807 N. Heliotrope Drive LA CA 90029.