It's either an explanation for why Lance, Jake, and Matthew are spending so much time together — or the perfect Hollywood cover-up of our wildest fantasies. From today's Gatecrasher column:

Cycling legend Lance Armstrong has privately confirmed speculation that Jake Gyllenhaal will portray him in a biopic.

He told sources at ESPN that Matthew McConaughey had been up to play the part, but lost out to Gyllenhaal.

"He said that's why he has been spending so much time with them both this summer," said the source.

This confirms last month's news that first announced Jake and Lance were getting together for the project. What else does it confirm? A gay box office draw.

Gyllenhaal's along for the ride [Gatecrasher]

• Ann Coulter returns to a NBC network to call Al Gore "a total fag." (To be fair, she was joking. But she meant it about Bill Clinton being gay.) [Raw Story]

• Lance Bass may be the most prominent teen pop star to come out, but her certainly isn't the first. [After Elton]

• Speaking of, if Lance Bass is in need of an online support group, he should turn to MTV's feedback forums. [MTV]

• HX scores an interview with Paris Hilton. What's left to conquer, Lance Bass? [HX]

• The justices responsible for this week's upholding of Washington's same-sex marriage ban explain themselves. A little. [Seattle Post-Intelligencer]

• Jake and Matthew model new Spandex. [MollyGood]

Finally, an rational explanation (read: not one that exists entirely in your X-rated fantasies) for why Jake Gyllenhaal is spending so much time with Lance Armstrong: the Jarhead plans on playing him in a still-secret biopic. That's what LA Weekly's Nikki Finke is reporting — with Jake's recent cycling part of his training for the flic, and his and Lance's heading to the Tour De France all part of Jake's research.

As a huge TdF fan myself, I think a Lance bio-pic is a natural: why did it take Hollywood so long to put one together? Given Armstrong's unhappy youth, his sports prowess (first as a triathlete and then as a cyclist), his cancer battle, his Live Strong yellow wristband campaign and his cancer foundation work, his epic seven TdF titles, his rivalry with cocky Jan Ullrich and upstart Ivan Basso, his love-hate relationship with the French, and his battle against doping accusations, it's a heckuva tale. And the studio as well as Lance are fortunate that an Oscar nominee like Gyllenhaal wants to do it.

And after the ribbing Armstrong gave Gyllenhaal at the ESPYs, Jake certainly deserves to cash in on Lance's life story.

EXCLUSIVE: Jake Gyllenhaal Wants To Play Lance Armstrong in Sony Bio-Pic [Deadline Hollywood]

• It wasn't his new best friend Jake Gyllenhaal that drew criticism when Lance Armstrong arrived at the Tour De France. Rather, it was his comments during the ESPY Awards, where he joked, "All their players [France] tested positive. . .for being assholes." French newspaper France Soir fired back with the headline "Welcome to France trouduc" — a "gentle translation of "asshole." [ABC, PITNB]

• The latest – and certainly greatest – way to satiate your late night munchies is the same means you use to find your friends at the Roxy. [Jossip]

• Jake Shears & Co. wind up on the cover of Interview, looking as fashion forward as their music. [Interview]

• If you've ever wondered how the paparazzi gets its shots of celebs, this primer might answer some questions. [How Stuff Works]

• Madonna's rumored to be falling in line with every marriage savior: a new baby! [Digital Spy]

• When K-Fed closes the show at next month's Teen Choice Awards, he promises to wow ya. But the real shock is that he's bringing wife Britney as his date. And she'll be wearing a dress (we assume). And shoes (we hope). [MollyGood]

• In typical fashion, Slate hopes to generate a modicum of buzz by defending M. Night. Shyamalan. [Slate]

• Lance Armstrong's hosting of the ESPY Awards gave him carte blanche to harp on his two new BFFs Jake Gyllenhaal and Matthew McConaughey.

• When it comes to Don't Ask, Don't Tell, the radio might be a good place to start. [Spero]

• If you must masturbate to porn in the office, at least do it properly. [Best Gay Blogs]

• Congress' attempt to pass a bill banning same sex marriage fails 47 votes short of the two-thirds majority required, joining the Senate's efforts in the wastebin. [AP]

• If you're a cancer doc who identifies the wrong location of the malignant cells, your malpractice insurance better cover more than just negligence — but ruining your patient's sex life as well. [365Gay]

• Hopefully your coming out experience went better than this Tawainese fellow, whose parents drugged his coffee and dragged him to a psych ward after he told them he was gay. [Taiwan Headlines]

All week long, new best friends Jake Gyllenhaal, Lance Armstrong, and Matthew McConaughey have been spotted in matching spandex. Sure, McConaughey might be hurting his workouts by binge drinking, but riding alongside Jake is a good way for Lance to forget ex-fiance Sheryl Crow is telling all to Vanity Fair. Bending down in front of Jake, meanwhile, is a good way to get our attention. There's more if you're willing to click.

[Read On ...]

• Marc Jacobs seems to be back with rent-a-boyfriend Jason Preston, at least for now. The twosome were spotted at Therapy in New York with, of all people, porn star maestro Michael Lucas. [Page Six]

• When it comes to celebs coming out of the closet, Jake Gyllenhaal and Vin Diesel are, not surprisingly, at the top of the list of gambling odds. [Gambling 911]

• Jennifer Lopez made good on rumors she'd be the surprise guest at Dance On The Pier. [Perez Hilton]

• We've never listened to Fall Out Boy, but there's no reason we can't check out one the band member's own cock shots. BTW, love the Morrissey album. Nice gay touch. [Jossip]

• If you missed last night's Project Runway finale (a dutiful gay would have been glued to his/her TV set at 10 last night), The Malcontent has an extensive wrap-up. [The Malcontent]

• Andy gives us yet another opportunity to ogle a half-naked Jake Gyllenhaal. [Towleroad]

• Our favorite queer rocker, Michael van London (he’s beautiful, nice, and talented, what more could you ask for?), will be giving those queers in West Hollywood a reason to travel North of Santa Monica Boulevard. He’s playing the Sunset Strip next week. [Michael Van London Official Site]

• The Church that is the final resting place for John Adams and his son, John Quincy, will get to hang a pro same-sex marriage banner outside of its entrance after all. [Bay Windows]

• Peter Bacanovic relocated from New York to LA, and like most people who do, he ended up a failure and an escort. [NY Post]

• Jake Gyllenhaal popped up behind numerous stars at some of the Oscar parties a couple of nights ago. We just wish he would just get behind us one of these days. [Towleroad]

• No, it isn’t related to Confessions on a Dance Floor, but Confessions of a Mormon Boy is hosting a gay singles night next week. [Broadway World]

• Finally a magazine for gays and lesbians in Northern Ireland! But come, naming it Icon?! [Gay.com]

• Ashley Cole is pissed that his name has been linked to the word "gay" on Google. Of course this is all due to his being linked to his alleged participation in gay orgies and shoving a cell phone up his ass. [The Times Online]

• Are these pics of Jake Gyllenhaal and a friend out for a walk completely innocent or do they scream gay, gay, gay? We're not telling you what to believe. We'll let the pictures speak for themselves. [The Gilded Moose]

• When will the world learn to accept that most trannies are completely harmless. Especially grandmotherly schoolteacher trannies. [CNN]

• The BBC has been accused of being homophobic, truly making the queer-friendly Little Britain the only gay in the BBC village. [The Advocate]

• No surprise here. "Brokeback," the word on the lips of all queers and straights, is the Hollywood word of the year. [Jossip]

• Since Brokeback Mountain has been responsible for the word of the year, we think now is the perfect time for everyone to receive a quick tutorial on the history of gay cowboys. [Film Experience]

• Good God. The Brokeback Mountain shirts being auctioned off on Ebay went for over $100,000! [Ebay]

• News of the World's anonymous source has more info about the gay soccer player orgy story, this time with even more kinky sex. Says the source: "But they're not gay. It's normal for some of them to do this." Um, sure. [News of the World]

• Tom Ford continues to attack hot guys during photoshoots. Jake didn't seem to mind Ford's hand shoved down his pants. [Towleroad]

• The next time meth addicts log onto a gay chat sight looking to "party n' play," they may just end up up talking to a drug counselor instead. [NY Times]

• Lindsay Lohan hearts Angelina Jolie [Zap2it]

• Brits love Brokeback Mountain (and Jake Gyllenhaal) just as much as their neighbors across the pond. [Zap2it]

• The country's largest Catholic university is offering a minor in queer studies. This can only be considered progress if the required classroom textbook is not the Bible. [Newsweek]

• New Jersey doesn't define marriage as strictly between a man and a woman. That means gay marriage may already be legal in that state. [NJ.com]

• Trannies are the new gay cowboys. [The Wichita Eagle]

• RIP Professor Dorius, a man who was run out of town by a bunch of old ditties just for looking at a few pretty pictures. [SF Gate]