Watching the Oscar red carpet madness gives us such a headache. We can't keep track of who's who, what they're doing there and why we should care.

The kids over at E! were certainly no help - not only did they not seem to know the answers to those pressing questions, they didn't seem to give two shits. The complete and utter stupidity of Ryan Seacrest, Giuliana Depandi and homo extraordinaire Jay Manuel from America's Next Top Model was only eclipsed by former The View co-host Debbie Manopoulos. When asked how she stays so thin, she said "I don't eat". The duo over at ABC weren't any better and Joan and Melissa Rivers on TV Guide really couldn't hold our attention.

As hard as it may be to believe, the only person we could focus on in the celebrity cluster fuck was Sally Kirkland. Coincidentally enough, her reality defying, rabbi designed dress seems to be made from the rainbow flag. Thus, she's our Oscar patron saint.

So, round of applause for Ms. Kirkland. Crazy's never looked so good. Or so disturbing.

See some more red carpet shots, after the jump...

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• The New York Blade sounds off about people sounding off about Amanda Lepore's appearance at the HRC NYC dinner.

• The kids at BWE offer their view on former The View host Meredith Vieira's Diane Saywer lesbian fantasy fueled appearance on the Daily Show.

• The Feds have launched a search for Lou Pearlman, the man who helped launch N'Sync.

• The Concerned Women of America are concerned that Tim Hardaway's comments about hating gays will detract their gay hating movement, which uses love to hate. It's very progressive.

• Congress ain't down with Bush's plans to have troops down on the ground down in Iraq.

• We were supposed to post these pictures of the Jimmy Im-endorsed, Svedka/Queerty-sponsored, eastern bloc-housed, Wednesday-nighted party, Good Times, yesterday. Unfortunately, we got all sorts of thrown off by Tim Hardaway and that whole mess. So we're posting them now, in lieu of Queerty ReBUTTal, after the jump. Now featuring a special Mad Libs section!

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• Survivor's race-based competition begins to attract its share of detractors. [AP]

• Queer comic strip Mr. Gisby matches celebrities with their pet versions. (Click image for larger version.) [Mr. Gisby]

• Jesse McCartney lets slip a little something about Jennifer Lopez being pregnant. [A J-C]

• Of all people, it's Matt Lauer who's coming to Tom Cruise's defense. [Us]

• Karl Lagerfeld on Project Runway: "Trash that is funny for five minutes if you're with other people." [Gatecrasher]

• Marc Jacobs seems to be back with rent-a-boyfriend Jason Preston, at least for now. The twosome were spotted at Therapy in New York with, of all people, porn star maestro Michael Lucas. [Page Six]

• When it comes to celebs coming out of the closet, Jake Gyllenhaal and Vin Diesel are, not surprisingly, at the top of the list of gambling odds. [Gambling 911]

• Jennifer Lopez made good on rumors she'd be the surprise guest at Dance On The Pier. [Perez Hilton]

Spanish model Andres Segura has done campaigns Banana Republic and Marc Jacobs but his most famous is with Louis Vuitton and the fab J Lo.

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On the second to the last day of the Queerty sponsored Bid 2 Beat AIDS auction we are highlighting some clothing that could make you a celebrity look alike drag queen.

We know you belt out “We Belong Together” while lathering up in the shower. Why not slip into this signed Mariah shirt and take it to the next level. We know some of you have a J-Lo booty. Don’t worry, we got you. Try on this signed Jennifer Lopez tracksuit. We think it’s your color.

And for all the Imeldas who read Queerty, we have shoes for you too. A pair of Carlos Santana signed heels complete any look. Buying shoes and raising money for LIFEbeat in one easy transaction? Charity never looked so good.