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— Tue, May 15, 2007 —
Breaking: Falwell Killed By Hex!
Lesbian Death Angels Claim Responsibility
The Lesbian Death Angels - a group dedicated to setting "the world back on its axis one hex at a time" - have claimed responsibility for 73-year old Reverend Jerry Falwell's death. The boastful baddies issued a press release reading thus:
[We], concerned that Rev. Falwell's followers will misattribute the cause of their leader's demise to their antigod or to some weenie group like Soulforce, have announced that, in a mass worldwide action, they hexed at 10:30 am today and that the subject of their hex was the Rev. Jerry Falwell. In other words, they are claiming to be responsible for Jerry's death and wish the world to know that they are proud of it to boot.The LDA also noted that though they don't usually take credit for their high-profile hexings, they feel compelled to break their routine silence.
One member, coochie-loving, spell-casting Connie L. Ingus, remarked: ""Proselytizing is usually so rude". Indeed.
The press release also warns that the ladies will hex again. It did not, however, name a specific target. Be Afraid. Be very, very afraid.
Lesbians Claim Credit For Falwell Demise [bilerico]
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Do you have to be a lesbian to join this group because I after seeing what great work they do, I would really love to do my part and help them.
Falwell is busy getting gang fucked by Teletubbies in hell.
next up: Pat Robertson?
bluegrrrrl:
We should be so lucky.
No, actually lucky would be an evangelical-style turducken: Pat Robertson stuffed with both James Dobson and Oral Roberts and served in the blood of the Concerned Women of America.
I'm sorry, they did a half-assed job. Commendable, but if they wanted a gold star their hex would've included Big Jerry falling on top of Fred Phelps in his last moments. Two for the price of one.
This story does reclaim the words of Big Jerry, though: "I say to you...the feminists, the gays, the lesbians...you helped this happen!"
What took them so long?
Instead of a hex, can they cast some sort of spell that causes Fred Phelps and Pat Robertson to be found fisting each other in a sex club? That would be soooo much better than their deaths.
@Derrick:
That wouldn't require a spell, that would take a potion.
@Pete:
The Goddess operates on her own timetable. Yesterday She was fast as a house-cleaning meth-head mom...only fifteen minutes from hex to keel-over.