It's been a while since we last checked in with our favorite Canadian homo-journo/punching bag, the perennially single Jesse Trautmann. He may not have the best luck with men, but he hasn't given up on the dating game. Nor has he stopped writing about it - he just sent us two links to some of his recent pieces.

The first can be found in the downloadable Outlooks, in which Trautmannn recounts a fruitless (literally) Valentine's themed-quest for love. The second comes from Gay Guide Toronto. In that column - the irksomely entitled "Dating With Scissors" (bleck) - Trautmann gripes about being given a phony phone number. A drama queen through and through, Trautmann confronts the guy and then proceeds to run out of the bar. The man follows, an argument ensues, the man tells him it was a "joke" and Trautmann's soothed (or, rather, fooled) enough to knock the fraud a little smooch. He writes:

I know this is a bad judgment call but I can’t resist his chiseled chest and beautiful lips. We start kissing, ironically enough, under the bright neon-orange glow of Pizza Pizza. As we suck face, I tell myself that in order for him to prove his interest I will wait for him to call me.

He ends with the totally unsurprising "news" that he never received a follow-up.

Hmmm, Trautmann, it seems to us you may have bigger problems than the fact that you can't find a man. Like what? Well, being brain dead may be one of them. Here's some advice, next time a man gives you a fake number, toss it in the trash. Sure, you'll be one column behind, but at least you'll have your dignity. Or, what's left of it...

Who says print media's dead? Certainly not 29-year old Eric Bogs, publisher of the "new" Qr Magazine, another addition to the already congested world of homo-lications. Run by the former staff of XY Magazine, Qr promises to bring a new perspective to the table, giving young faglings a magazine by and for them. Aligning himself against the Out's and Genre's of the publishing world, Bogs says:

The current top U.S. gay publications are mostly aimed towards an older gay and lesbian readership, and lack the authenticity and punch that Qr delivers.

In addition to legitimate op-eds and bonafide features, the mag will also feature the most indubitable example of all homo-journalism: a monthly photographic feature of boys kissing. Now that's authentic.

Organized around monthly themes (hmmm, wonder where they got that idea), editor Kevin Joffre insists,

Qr is our readers' magazine... It's a user-generated product for a user-focused era. The boys who read Qr also drive MySpace and YouTube - they know the value of producing content and enjoy seeing themselves in print. Qr is a magazine for gay youth because we're the only magazine that won't talk down to you... We speak to the pierced, the punks, the skaters, the geeks and clubaholics who feel ignored by gay media.

So, basically, all the nerds got together to make their own magazine. Great. Sounds like a regular thrill ride. But, seriously, we're nerds - in fact, as we've said before, "we're total fucking nerds" - so we think they should do a cover story on our geekish, oh-so-outcasted ways. Jesse Trautmann can write the accompanying story.

For more information on Qr, check out their website.

If Mark Foley's wants to learn how to be a player, may we suggest our favorite homo-journo, Jesse Trautmann?

We don't know how he does it, but he's manages a new boyfriend (and correspondent lesson) for every one of his relationship-related essays. He's either got some sort of irresistable magnetism or way lower standards than we do (which would be quite an accomplishment, to be sure.)

Anyway, Trauttie's latest musing comes via Canada's Outlook Magazine and concerns a financially imbalanced relationship. It seems Trautmann found himself a rich man who enjoyed buying him nice shit. Sounds good, right? It certainly seemed chill to Trautmann, until one of his countless friends prophesized a bit of indentured servitude: a prediction that led to the inevitable breakup and aforementioned lesson.

[My friends] taught me something that morning about people who have been dating in our capitalist, consumer-driven city. We forget that two people with nothing can give each other everything.

We bet they couldn't give each other diamonds, cars or luxurious designer duds.

If you can't land a man to supply you in things you can't afford, what's the point? Love? Fuck that noise. We'll take a new suit over human emotions anyday. (Plus we traded our emotions for a ham sandwich back in 1986. Looking back, we should have picked turkey.)

(For those of you dying to read the entire piece, head on over to Outlook Magazine and download the current issue. Trauttie's words of - er - wisdom can be found on page 38.)

Our favorite prodigal homo-journo, Jesse Trautmann, has made the proverbial return! Hoo-rah!

While we'd like to think it's because Trautmann couldn't stop thinking about our slutty-selves, we know it's just a bit of self-promotion. That's alright. We've said it before and we'll say it again: shameless self-promotion pays (although, we were shamelessly promoting ourselves on the corner last night, and let's just say the pay wasn't that great).

Anyway, ol' Trauttie sent us this link to the latest installment in his sometimes funny, sometimes feckless, always faggy series of romantically-inclined essays. In it, Trautmann recalls his first - and subsequently last - rim job.

It was my first time with penetration... We started going at it, but after a few minutes I couldn't keep going, so I told him to stop. He obliged, but proceeded to flip me over and start rimming me. Being a naive virgin, I didn't know what he was doing back there, nor did I know exactly how clean I was. I was on all fours and nervous as hell, but apparently clean, because he was enjoying himself.

Then, without warning, I farted. [My boyfriend] sat up with a disgusted look on his face. He quickly pulled at his tongue the way you do when lint or fluff is stuck on it. I was mortified and speechless.

Sure, farting in someone's mouth's pretty embarrassing (Why Gay Me? anyone?), but it could have been worse. (You know what we mean.)

Well, Radar's certainly in the Halloween spirit. Not only do they have a feature on the best horror villains of all-time, but they've used their wiley charm to score an interview with club-kid turned killer, Michael Alig.

In case you don't remember, Alig went to prison after killing his drug-dealer and dumping his body in New York's East River. The tale was later turned into the book, Disco Bloodbath by one-time friend, James St. James. (If you're not big readers, perhaps you saw the movie adaptation, in which Alig's portrayed by Macauley Culkin -a performance of which Alig does not approve.)

Anyway, while Alig and writer Jaime Lowe chat about how Alig still dreamss of Angel, getting on in prison, and a slew of other fascinating subjects, we're total sickos and zeroed in on Alig's jailhouse love life.

Have you had lots of relationships in prison?
I fell in love when I first was in lock-up at Downstate, but he went home two years ago. He was arrested right away, and I have to tell you, I was sort of glad because I didn't like the idea of him being out there without me. He was caught stealing a car and led his parole officer on a high-speed chase. He crashed the car into a building, got out, and ran onto a golf course. The police found him up in a tree and had to shoot him with a stun gun—it was all in the news. He's a really good example of someone I shouldn't have in my life—the kind of guy who needs fixing. I have such a skewed view of what relationships should be.

That's not surprising, you're in prison.
When I was in Clinton, I was interested in this guy. I wouldn't say we dated, but I thought he was the nicest person—really sweet and interesting. A couple months later I was watching the news and they were talking about the Central Park jogger rapist, and I was like, "That was my boyfriend!" And it was him—his name was Reyes.

Hmmm, now that's an idea for all you love-lorn homos: get yourself locked up and you can nab a real catch. We think it would make a great Jesse Trautmann essay.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, Alig's none-too-pleased with St. James:

James doesn't come up to visit. He says he doesn't have any money. I guess he spent all the money he made raking over my life story. He claims he didn't make any money from that though ... he claims they took advantage of him. Poor James was taken advantage of selling my story.

Maybe Alig's upset his book, the ingeniously entitled, Aligula, didn't get optioned for the big screen.

Yesterday we newly issued Williams Institute a newly issued report that says the number of gay couples in America has escalated about 30% over the past five years, a statistic conservatives will no doubt use as part of their anti-homo campaign.

Well, today the report has been dissected a little more to show that in that period, the amount of gay couples in Iowa have sky-rocketed by a whopping 58%. This rise in homo-lovin' makes Iowa the state with the fourth largest increase, falling behind Wisconsin, Minnesota and Nebraska, which have a 70% surge.

Wow. We had no idea so many homos lived in the Midwest. No wonder we can't get a date. (Cue mawkish music and Jesse Trautmann essay.)

Earlier: Homos, Homos Everywhere!

Remember Jesse Trautmann, our favorite Canadian homo-journo who pens lamentations of love? Well, it's been a while since we checked in on him, so we were thrilled to bits to get this link from a reader (thanks, reader). From the looks of it, he's had a busy few months.

It seems Mr. Trautmann and his friend, Drew Merrix, were featured as one of Fab Magazine's queer couples. The article gushes over how the boys met at a party, ate quiche in a park, and how Merrix helped the broken-toed Trautmann move. Awww, so sweet. Unfortunately for Trautmann, however, the relationship ended just before the article went to print.

Don't worry, Mr.T, we still love you.

For those of you who have been paying attention, we've developed an unwarranted and totally inexplicable obsession with Canadian homo-journo Jesse Trautmann (pictured) and his lamentable lamentations.

Elation doesn't even begin to descibe our emotion when we discovered a comment on the second Jesse Trautmann posting from Mr. Trautmann himself! Gracious - and far more eloquent than one may expect - Trautmann even provided a link to a less creepy picture we still prefer the first, though. He looks more dark and mysterious. In the one provided he looks...well, gay.

Anyway, upon reading his comments, a shriek of joy nearly escaped our lips, but then we remembered our cool as a cucumber demeanor - not to mention our keen awareness for the rich Europeans and babies surrounding us ( related ), so we'll have to save ourselves for textual exclamation: WHOOPEE!

See what Trautmann had to say for himself, after the jump. (We'll forgive the total disregard for grammar and spelling) And, yes, we know we're giving him free press. Whatever. Hopefully when he's famous he'll remember us and let us sleep on his couch.

Jesse Trautmann

Single and Lonely Seeks Life, Meaning

Single and Lonely's Search Protracted, Historied

CONTINUED »

Yesterday we took a little dig at a young homo-journo Jesse Trautmann (pictured). We went a bed a little upset, not sure if we did the right thing. After all, who are we to criticize? At least, who are we to criticize someone we don't know? To subdue our guilt, we did a little research on our boy Jesse and found some interesting bits.

First, he's a 24 year old journalist student at Ryerson in Toronto. (Although we could only find this grainy, somewhat creepy picture, he looks kind of attractive.) He's a queer youth advocate. And, his emotional malcontent goes back further than we thought.

In a piece dated June 9, 2005, entitled "I Can't Stay Casual For Long," Trautmann recalls the lament he felt when a casual lover started blowing him off. It really is a tragic tale: it was agreed that neither would be exclusive, love-lorn Trautmann sought no one else, and the boy became distant - and unresponsive. Don't worry, Trautmann, we've been there.

What strikes us most about the article is Trautmann's keen reconstruction of conversations. Not only does he have a mind like a steel trap, but his friends talk just like the girls from Sex and The City! No wonder he's compelled to document the trials and tribulations of his love life for all the world to see. (His moniker for the boy in question is even Mr. Busy.]

But, seriously, we're Trautmann's biggest fans. We love him. We just don't want to date him.

Here's a link to one of Trautmann's essays. His email's at the bottom - send him a love letter, or just tell him we're taking the piss and can't seem to stop.

I can't Stay Casual For Long [NOW Magazine]

Previously: Single and Lonely Seeks Life, Meaning