If Mark Foley's wants to learn how to be a player, may we suggest our favorite homo-journo, Jesse Trautmann?

We don't know how he does it, but he's manages a new boyfriend (and correspondent lesson) for every one of his relationship-related essays. He's either got some sort of irresistable magnetism or way lower standards than we do (which would be quite an accomplishment, to be sure.)

Anyway, Trauttie's latest musing comes via Canada's Outlook Magazine and concerns a financially imbalanced relationship. It seems Trautmann found himself a rich man who enjoyed buying him nice shit. Sounds good, right? It certainly seemed chill to Trautmann, until one of his countless friends prophesized a bit of indentured servitude: a prediction that led to the inevitable breakup and aforementioned lesson.

[My friends] taught me something that morning about people who have been dating in our capitalist, consumer-driven city. We forget that two people with nothing can give each other everything.

If you can't land a man to supply you in things you can't afford, what's the point? Love? Fuck that noise. We'll take a new suit over human emotions anyday. (Plus we traded our emotions for a ham sandwich back in 1986. Looking back, we should have picked turkey.)

(For those of you dying to read the entire piece, head on over to Outlook Magazine and download the current issue. Trauttie's words of - er - wisdom can be found on page 38.)