"I don't want to bore the audience. I don't want to leave them as I was with a certain one-woman show in New York recently, saying, 'When the f#ck is this going to end?'"--Joan Collins

80's mega-bitch Joan Collins is embarking on a 25-date British theatre tour with her one-woman show, "An Evening With Joan Collins." The show--part theater, part autobiography--will tell the tale of Collins' life and career, through stories, song, photographs and clips of film. Collins only worries that, since her career is "so sprawling and multi-faceted," the show might be too long.

In case seeing Joan Collins talk about her own fabulousness for a few hours isn't gay enough, she will be accompanied on musical numbers by British cabaret act Four Poofs And A Piano. We may faint.

On the heels of smash-hit autobiographical shows by Bea Arthur and Elaine Stritch (Stritch won a Tony Award in 2002 for her show, "Elaine Stritch At Liberty")--we are salivating at the promise of seeing The Lady Collins on stage in all her glory. Will there be an American tour? Maybe we'll just have to take a trip to the British Isles and not chance missing it.

Spend an evening with Joan Collins [The Guardian--Observer Magazine]