• 80s Porn Stars! Dancing! Action! Campy Hollywood Video Remix! Watch It! (Although, may not be best for work.)

• Doug Burns, the 43-year musclebound Mr. Natural Universe allegedly went on a movie theater rampage and allegedly had to be wrestled to the ground by four cops. The cause: he allegedly started a new diabetes medicine. And we're allegedly suspicious. Oh, wait, no, we're actually suspicious.

• California's gay activists are not fucking around: they told the Supreme Court, not lawmakers, to settle the Constitutionally controversial issue of gay marriage. Or else...

• Australia's gay celebrity star-cum-model-cum-dancer, David Graham wants to become a politician. Too bad his political parties isn't getting off on the idea.

• Family honor: Keith Richards mixed his father's ashes with some cocaine and called it a party. Us? We shot our grandfather between the toes. He would have wanted it that way.

• Ahhhh! Hurricanes, hurricanes everywhere!

The stars were out at the London premiere of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest on Monday. The usual suspects (Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom) were joined on the red carpet by the fugly (Kim Stewart, Mischa Barton, who we've spared you from sneering at) and some pleasant surprises (William Moseley, Daniel Dae Kim). But perhaps the biggest news came when Depp and producer Jerry Bruckheimer announced Keith Richards – yes, that Keith Richards – would make a cameo in the franchise's third installment, playing Jack Sparrow's father.

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