Charlene Cothran may no longer identify as a lesbian - a move that has helped ingratiate her with Peter LaBarbera and his Americans For "Truth" - but she's not necessarily straight. Sitting down with Clay Cane for her first black media interview, the Venus publisher explains that her "spiritual war" with homosexuality's less about getting down with guys and more about getting down with God:

Cane: Are you saying that you are not heterosexual?

Cothran: I am saying that I am celibate right now. I’m not saying there won’t ever be a man in my life. You’re asking me about where I am and that's all I can speak to. ...There is one thing I can say and one thing I will go on record and say—I will never be entangled with the bondage of lesbianism again... Right now I’m celibate, now, where the Lord's going to move me, what opportunity he's going to place in my path for me from here on—I don't know.

So, basically, she's not a lesbian because she's not having sex? Why not just be celibate rather than making this big ex-gay stink? Because she wants to save your soul, of course.

You see, Cothran doesn't think that God hates gay people, as so many conservatives would have you believe. God loves all people, she claims, and wants you to love him the way he is, whatever that means.

God loves you just the way you are, but what He's waiting for is for you to love Him just the way He is. The way He is requires that we sacrifice ourselves and become more like Him.

All knowing, all powerful and potentially fictitious? One out of three ain't bad, Cothran.

(Also, does this Christian God have sex? We know he allegedly knocked up Mary and shit - without breaking her hymen, miraculously - but it seems to us He's probably too busy ruling the universe. Although, He's apparently pretty mighty and, we assume, virile. If we were this God character, we'd be fucking everything that moves. Well, except four legged creatures and shit. That's unholy. Not to mention tacky.)