How many friends from youth do you keep in touch with? Us, we don't talk to any of those fuckers, but that's because we didn't have any friends. It's very sad, yes, but who needs friends when you have...um, well...we'll get back to you on that one.

Regular contributor and sometime punching bag Jack E. Jett, meanwhile, holds friends like we hold water. For example, punk rocker turned pop princess turned parent, Belinda Carlisle.

The friends catch-up after the jump, chatting about everything from Carlisle's new French language album, Voila to The Go-Go's jerking off a coke-head to her husband's collection of Ronald Reagan memorabilia.

We're so overwhelmed that we have no choice but to let Jett take it from here...

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We suspect more of a few of you need a laugh this afternoon and/or care about aging reality "stars"perform the same gig again, so here's a clip from MTV's latest edition of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge series: The Duel.

So, here...

Gay daddy's get their day. (No, not leather.) [Sydney Star Observer]

First there's anti-lesbian rape therapy, now there's "magic powder". [Ynet News]

John Travolta finally caught kissing another man. Gay or not, he still sucks. [National Post]

Farzana Hassan-Shahid may be our new hero. [Mississauga News]

NY Times matte, unattractive, hates VMAs. [The New York Times]

GLAAD recently released a survey of fall programing that shows a decline in central gay characters on network television from ten to nine, amounting to a measly 1.3 percent. GLAAD president Neil G. Giuliano says:

It's clear that the broadcast networks have a long way to go before they accurately reflect the diversity of their audience and our society.

Okay, so no gays on network. That leaves cable. With the death of Queer Eye, it seemed the curtain would soon fall on the hey-day of the hey-gay. Never fear, GLAAD, as long as marketing executives continue tapping that gay root we'll have hours and hours of televised faggotry.

As you recall - unless you were too hung over this morning, lush - Sunsilk Hairapy has the homo three. If that's not enough, we have the oh-so-progressive MTV (they do own Logo, you know, the gay station...) and their Next dating show. They've been known to throw the homos into that tacky sex bus. We were lucky enough to catch an episode a few nights back featuring a group of young faglings, one of whom admitted to making a little girl cry. Why? "I'm a diva!"

Sure, GLAAD, we need more of this like we need another asshole. Wait...would that be good or bad?

(Warning: Lyrics in the video are NSFW.)

We're not sure what to think of this video. Supposedly it's the first "gay rap video" to hit MTV, debuting October 10, 1986, on Yo! MTV Raps — but all that sounds like viral gibberish. The only problem? We can't quite figure out exactly what this video is hoping to publicize through the Internet underground. The "band" Is Rump Rangers. The song is "Gays." And the album is 2 Many Holes 2 Fill. At the very least, we're confident it's not another Snakes On A Plane ploy.

Queerty hit the 2006 MTV Movie Awards Saturday and, in between chatting with Dane Cook about his Brangelina baby gifts and snapping pics of celebrity asses, we had a chance to grab some soundbites from the only celebs willing to recognize their gay audience. (Okay, that's not entirely fair, but Christina Aguilera didn't exactly have time for us.)

We ran into former Real Worlder Landon Lueck, who's giddy about expanding his clothing line Glyde, which got its first blast of publicity on the MTV show. In between posing for Wax underwear, he doesn't even have time to watch the current season of RR ("I don't watch it. I can't!"). But he is thrilled by all the attention the gay community has given him.

"I'm flattered," he tells us. "One thing I've heard is that if it's accepted in the gay culture then it's gonna hit mainstream like huge, so I guess i kinda apply that to myself." And as for the gays drooling over his underwear spreads? "I think it's great. It's flattering. Anyone who is a fan of me, it's a nice gesture."

Meanwhile, Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz was busy running around the red carpet doing MTV interviews, but he did give us a few minutes of his non-X-rated time. You'll remember Wentz from his unexpected expose, courtesy of some leaked Sidekick photos. "If you don't want naked pictures of yourself on the Internet, don't take naked pictures of yourself." Good advice, unless of course you're looking for a date. Ever since the photos appeared "the boys will not stop calling me."

Try as we might, we just couldn't get Hayden Christensen to stick around for chat. All we wanted to know was whether he thought Jared Leto was hotter gay or straight.

And, not that MTV's awards count for much, but you'll be pleased to know a certain gay favorite film that was snubbed by the Oscars gets plenty of recognition during the ceremony.

We can't get enough of 8th and Ocean, MTV's newest reality-TV parade of pretty people with problems, and we're hungry for more. With Ocean, we follow the world of the Irene Marie modeling agency in Miami, as the models battle through life to prove they've got more than just a pretty face. Granted, certain members of the Queerty editorial staff used to live in Miami, and perhaps those memories are part of the allure--but not because we're rehashing glory days gone by. This show reminds us of what "reality-TV" used to be: no stupid games, no votes, no eating bugs.

Yes, there is the plentitude of skin and sexiness, requisite for any MTV offering these days; but watch carefully, and really it's just a story, a glimpse into the lives of people we will probably never meet. Although if we did that would be cool, because they're a very likeable bunch. Together we suffer the trials and tribulations of career-thwarting acne, and mean booking agents who make everyone work too hard. When the boys act like pigs, thinking they can get away with it because they're pretty, we think Ha ha, we see you on TV, you won't get away with it anymore. Although if they wanted to walk around in their underwear again, that would be alright. Because they most certainly are pretty. Oh yes, they are. The show is very good--it's pretty "scripted," much like its cousin Laguna Beach, but it works. It's more like Baywatch, but with better writing. And if someone got eaten by a shark, you would actually feel a little sad.

8th and Ocean airs Tuesdays, 10:30 PM (9:30 Central) on MTV. (Repeats ten zillion times the rest of the week.)

Photos of the 8th and Ocean cast: [IreneMarie]

8th and Ocean cast: [photolibrary]

8th and Ocean article: [BricksandStones]

These nerds are the ragtag group of new VJs that MTV found north of the border to host their brand new Canadian network.

Canadians didn't know what they were missing until MTV Canada started airing yesterday with a big mess of syndicated American content including Laguna Beach and Dismissed... We just hope they don't try to make Canadians swallow Date My Mom, which is the most bizarre and vulgar show we have seem on primetime since Emily's Reasons Why Not.

Word on the street is that no one is impressed with MTVs big entrance, though maybe slightly more impressed than they are by the MuchMusic VJ Search, which seems to have been playing since the dawn of time. The one redemming quality of the VJ Search is Sean the gay contestant, who broke down barriers last week with his impassioned monologue that ran along the lines of "I wish everyone would stop seeing me as Sean the gay guy and start seeing me as Sean the gay person"! We see you, Sean. We see you.

Say NO to MTV [Torontoist]
MTV Canada [Official Site]

In her usual marketing-genius style, Madonna has created self-promoting controversy by producing a video too scandalous for TV.

It is the latest in a string of censored videos from Madonna; most recently, she actually chose to pull her video for "American Life" without being told by censors to do so, due to the implied anti-American sentiment. The video shown in its place was a boring re-cut, hastily edited together. And it's a shame, because we've seen the original, and it's her best video to date.

Now that she is a mom, Madonna only sees fit to raise controversy among other moms, which she succeeded in doing with the video for her latest single, "Sorry." In the original cut of the video, now only viewable on producer Marco Puig's website, there is a less-than-one-second scene of her flipping the camera a disdainful bird. In the final release, it is gone! Apparently the moms at MTV did not approve.

But it can be seen HERE: Marco Puig Click on "showreel" to play.

We realize that everyone matures as a person and an artist, but are we the only ones who feel nostalgic for the far more titillating Madonna of the 80s and 90s? Let's travel back in time together with some video screen caps after the jump.

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Remember Madonna’s little kiss with Britney at the MTV Awards a few years back? Of course you do. If you’re like us, you’ve Tivoed it and watch it every Christmas morning. Still, seems on little gal was a bit confused by it. And we don’t mean Rosie O’Donnell.

Madonna has admitted her famous kiss with Britney Spears caused her daughter Lourdes to get “obsessed” with gay issues. The singer said the nine-year-old asked: “Mom, you know that they say you are gay?”

Madge, 47, explained her snog with Britney, 27, at an MTV show was not sexual. She told Lourdes: “I am the mommy pop star and she is the baby pop star. I am kissing her to pass my energy on to her.”

We’re not even really why Madonna needed to explain ‘gayness’ to adorable little Lourdes, seeing as though we always assumed her home was brimming with queens fluttering about. Still, you have to admire the Patron Saint of Queerty for explaining things so eloquently to her daughter. That bitch does everything right.

Madge girl’s Gay Worries [The Sun UK]

• We’re glad that MTV decided to not go the stereotypical route when selecting the mandatory gay Real World cast member. Oh wait, they did. [Towleroad]

• Anne Heche’s mom may still hate the Gays, but she doesn’t seem to loathe her daughter. They're now on speaking terms. Still, we think it’s safe to say her relationship with Ellen remains pretty shitty. (Thanks, Carrie) [Anne Heche Official Site]

• Al Sharpton reveals that he grew up with a gay family member whom he won’t name. This being gay uncle week, we think we have a strong inclination as to who it might be. [WIS 10]

• Dr. Stanley Biber, who, over 30 years time, rebuilt thousands of men into women and vice versa, won't be working on any more trannies. RIP. [The Advocate]

• We’d love to see Brokeback Mountain take the box office from behind and totally top it this weekend. [Variety]

We got a note from someone obviously inside MTV Networks who let us in on the new benefits of Logo's recent remodel. It appears that the kitchen has become one of New York's cruisiest spots.

MTV's little gay network Logo has recently had their floor redecorated (5th floor at 1633 Broadway) - including the kitchen.

With the "stylish" new decor and Logo blaring on the TV in the background 24/7, it's become the new pickup spot for MTV Networks gays - including Nickelodeon upstairs. Lunchtime is the most popular with gay guys coming down with their lunches to cruise the Logo staff and each other.

It's gotten to the point where there's a joke going around that a PA who bartends at local gay club Barracuda will set up shirtless and start serving drinks.

We can only imagine what casual Fridays mean at Logo: shirt optional? Anyone at MTV want to invite us over for lunch?