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— Fri, Nov 17, 2006 —
Foley Getting Federally Fingered
FBI Probing All Up In His Shit

foleysmall.jpg
The Foley days are back again!

It's been a while since we last heard from Mark Foley, the Congressman whose less-than-tasteful email exchanges with teenage boys fueled the scandal that cost him his job, helped cost the GOP the election and may now cost Foley his freedom.

The Federal Bureau of Investigations (aka the FBI) has launched a criminal probe into the aforementioned electronic dialogues between Foley and a number of underage boys. Previously they had taken a look at the risque records to determine the severity of Foley's actions. Apparently they didn't like what they found. The Washington Post reports:

"It was a preliminary inquiry before, but we found the basis to open up a criminal investigation," Kristen Perezluha, a spokeswoman for the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, said Thursday. She would not elaborate.

The FBI is investigating whether Foley broke federal laws, and the House ethics committee is looking into whether senior GOP officials hid what they knew about the instant messages.


As part of the probe, the feds will be specifically trying to determine of Foley sent any lewd pictures or solicited sex with any of his online buddies. The timing couldn't be any worse: just yesterday Florida's Supreme Court reaffirmed the constitutionality of laws designed to catch internet predators.

Like any other federal investigation, officials will be having heart-to-hearts with Foley's friends, family and acquaintances. We wonder if Lane Hudson - the former HRCer whose fake blog first posted the now classic, incriminating email - will be called forward. The Feds will undoubtedly like to know how he got a hold of the email that started it all.

If ever there were a time for Foley to hide away in rehab, it's now. Unfortunately, the homo-pols father died Tuesday after a long battle with cancer. Thus, Foley's back in West Palm Beach. Though he's been keeping a low-profile, he has been spotted outside his long-time lover Dr. Layne Nisenbaum. Nisenbaum, the dermatologist-cum-fagalite, and Foley have apparently been lovers for nearly twenty years. Hopefully this whole public shaming thing won't ruin the thing they've got going.

Also, if Foley has to defend his actions, we can't help but wonder how he'll frame his defense. He's already used the two biggies: he's a drunk and a priest touched his penis. What else is there? Maybe he can say he's got multiple-personalities. Or, better yet: he's been infected with some sort of evil cosmic entity he got while fighting Galactus in space. The only way to stop it will be to let him go scott free, sending him to an island populated solely by 16-year old hotties and a Kelly Clarkson CD. You know Foley loves him some Kelly Clarkson (but only because Clay Aiken won't fuck him).

Comments


No. 1
LoGo says:

Foley's GOING DOWN in a big way! (and I'm not talking about him sucking off a teenage congressional page)

November 17, 2006 3:00 PM

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